2 year anniversary - words of encouragement

Hi everyone. Reading neverlookback's post and the encouragement people received from it, prompted this post. I've been reading on and off, but haven't posted in quite a while.

When I looked at the date, it is actually 2 years to the day of my final, grand, horrific D&D that I thought would kill me....literally.

I struggled with N/C for quite a while since I had known my psychopath for 20+ years and considered him...you guessed it "the loveofmylife" and my best friend.

But N/C is the only way to heal.

To answer neverlookback's question:

"What do I have today that I didn't have back then"

1. My sanity. no confusion, no head games, no mixed messages, no drama, no narc salad, no journal that I had to keep to decipher his "code" and try to figure out what he really meant.

2. More $. No $ dished out on therapists, counselors, medical doctors for all of the numerous ailments that happened to me.

3. My health. I am healthier now than I have been in at least 10 years. Perscription drug free, my body has healed. And now I have time to exercise since I'm not obsessing over the N/P.

4. Peace. I've had people tell me I look happier than I have in a long time. People say my face has tranformed and I seem "present" in conversations when I seemed preoccupied for years.

5. My husband. My marriage was on the rocks for a very, very long time - as H knew of the N/P. We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversay in Bora Bora and I can truly say that I enjoyed it without a single thought of N/P.

"What does she have that I don't have?"

As neverlookback said - "nothing. Just a psychopath. She has already been cheated on dozens of times. And I'm sure that will continue forever. She has been lied to. She has been deceived. She has been minimalized. She is just one compartment in his compartmentalized life and she has been for 4 years. Many people don't even know of her. And that is no way to live. He will NEVER have a whole, congruent life.

I know this is a painful, painful process to heal from the massive mindf*ck that these guys do to us. Time and N/C and reading on this board were my biggest healers. For me, I did need a therapist due to the long term nature of this and the extent of the brainwashing.

I can happily say, I am on the other side now and will never again let myself be brainwashed by an N/P...because now I know what that is and the damage they can cause. I would be happy to encourage any of you if you want to PM me or write on the board. I have seen the light and seriously thought it could never happen - since I was so bad off... actually bedridden for one year.

xoxoxoxo love to you all in your healing.