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#1 Jan 4 - 7PM
Redhead1
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New

I am new to the site, but have been reading for sometime. You women are wonderful and I am so glad I found ya!I will write my story in time. I cut off contact him when he left, he was a cheating narc. Didnt realize at the time he was a narc, but knew he had serious problems. I cut off contact because I couldnt do the yo-yo relationship no more. We had been married for 20 miserable years. Karma in all this, he left his wife and kids, but the OW is still 8 months later engaged to her man. She didnt leave her previous relationship. So he is getting scraps now like he gave me for 20 yrs. I have worked through a lot by reading here and being inspired by you guys. NC was so hard in the beginning but I think I was in fight or flight mode. I flew like a bird, cause I knew I could handle him no more emotionally. I wanted more from a relationship eventually. Although I am not ready to date I look at men at work and (here's my nagging question) wonder are all men narcs? I work in a factory and see cheating, narky men all the time. Don't know if its because I am looking for it in them. Are all cheaters narcs? My narc was really immature for his age. Do all men cheat? Is all I got to look forward to is a cheater that is maybe more mature than the one I had? Another reason this is on my mind is right after everyone learned I was divorcing the married men swarmed on me. These men never acted like this when I was married. It was really disappointing because I thought a lot of some of the guys. That acted like because I was divorced I was deperate. Thank you all. Yaw have really saved my sanity and made me realize I wasnt crazy.

Jan 4 - 9PM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Welcome to you! No, not all

Welcome to you! No, not all men cheat. I wonder now if this recent narc cheated. You have me wondering. lol But...you will meet a nice man, someday. Right now...focus on healing. Finding a life outside of him. It's sort of like giving up smoking. A smoker will go cold turkey, but if he/she doesn't substitute the smoking for something positive, the likelihood of going back to it, is strong. Same thing applies here. We go NC. We feel stronger week after week...but if we keep looking at old emails...FB...etc...we never really get rid of him. So...it's important to realy stay strong with NC. I broke NC today. (I won't bore you with the details, I have a thread about it) And it sucks when you break it, because you break a promise to yourself. YOU MATTER. We forget who we are with these men. Find that woman again, and you will see...as time goes on...there is life outside of these men. Hugs to you!!! I hope you find this site to be encouraging, and supportive as you go through this process.
Jan 4 - 8PM
gettinbetter
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Welcome redhead! No not all

Welcome redhead! No not all cheaters are narc. What's the percentage I think maybe its something like 60 percent oall men cheat and something like 40 percent of women. What makes a narc a narc is their lack of empathy. Lots of men who cheat can see feel and be remoseful about their actions or possibly learn from their mistakes. Narcs are not capable of having empathy or introspection. They keep on doing the same thing over and over expecting to get a different outcome. They truly arent capable of seeing the correlation between their bad behavior and the failure of their relationships. They 0 ability to introspect so who do they blame? Us of course afterall it couldn't be their fault because well.. they are the most wonderful people on earth
Jan 4 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

Yea, he thought it was ok

Yea, he thought it was ok for him to cheat because I was gonna leave him one day (had never threatened) because he hadnt treated me right. He always did blame me for his craziness, sad thing is for years I felt the guilt he was projecting.
Jan 4 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
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yep

the root of it is the fear of abandonment. That is their biggest fear so they always create situations where they are in control. Where they can say to themselves I left her. She didnt leave me.
Jan 4 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

yep

the root of it is the fear of abandonment. That is their biggest fear so they always create situations where they are in control. Where they can say to themselves I left her. She didnt leave me.