All Relationships Boil Down To This

I had one of those light bulb moments a few months ago and I believe it was the ultimate turning point in my recovery. I was spinning so badly for so long, thinking of how we really got along well for the most part, that we were partners in life and even if things did get bad for us at times, we always worked our way through the problems.

That's what I thought and when I really analyzed it all, it turns out that none of what I thought was the real truth.

The real truth is that he had no respect for me. Not as his girlfriend or as a woman or as a human being.

No man or woman who truly respects their significant other would demonstrate dishonesty or disloyalty or cowardice when it comes to you.

No man or woman who truly respects their significant other would ever try to control you.

No man or woman who truly respects their significant other would intentionally try to hurt your feelings.

He/She would respect you for who you are and those flaws they so love to point out with contempt would be lovable to them because they are a part of who you are.

He/She would never speak of an ex to you.

He/She would never tell you how much better his/her mom/dad is at something than you are.

He/She wouldn't feel the need to play devil's advocate when you are leaning on them in a moment of vulnerability, assuming that they are your confidant, friend and ally.

He/She would make themself available because they can't wait to see you instead of treating you as an option; like you're only good enough if they have nothing better to do.

He/She wouldn't treat every selfless act as if it's the parting of the Red Sea or some huge chore.

He/She would give selflessly without the expectation of anything in return or your undying gratitude for years; or even worse, reminding you about it in future disagreements.

He/She would do that for you because that's what you would do for them. It's all about mutual respect and nothing else will develop or grow in a relationship without it. That is what I have learned and I will never compromise on this for any guy in the future.

The most important thing I had to deal with is not that he treated me with such disrespect but that I felt that behavior was acceptable.

This realization has helped me a lot and I hope that when you look back on your relationship, you look at this list, see how badly you were disrespected and use it as a reminder when you have your weak moments because I know I've had plenty of my own, but this really helped me. :)