Anger

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#1 Apr 28 - 5AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Anger

Is it normal to feel really angry towards your ex N? Over the past two weeks I have been harvesting a deep seethed anger towards him and a growing need to get payback. He has been spreading even more twisted lies about me, and about what really happened between us, making him look like the angel and me like the evil witch - the defective, insane one. I've even had to take my blog down because he was making threats via a proxy.

It makes me sooo angry and I soooo want to expose him with his friends and family for the pig he truly is. I am not usually the vindictive type, but it feels so unfair that he's gotten off unscathed, whereas I am still picking up the pieces. New job, up for promotion, new gf, new life in a different country. He closed all doors of contact without any kind of closure or explanation.

I suspect I'm going through some kind of PTSD, as I'm getting all kinds of flashbacks from when I was growing up (I was bullied and suffered all kinds of verbal/emotional abuse) which I thought I had dealt with and put behind for good. Have not been sleeping well either, can't concentrate, can't focus long enough to see a task through. Don't want to take anti-depressants (I've read on how hard it is to come off them and how they can make you suicidal at first) and I know that my symptoms seem to be getting worse.

The worst part of it all is that it seems he's robbed me of my essence, and the hope I had for the future. Can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am finding it so hard to let go (whereas he has had no trouble letting go and moving on), and there are times where sadly, I yearn for the guy that I fell in love with and blame myself for the relationship not working out. Stupid, I know - I should feel estatic that he doesn't want to contact me and feel like kicking myself in the rear as I write this.

Can any of you relate to the above at all, or am I really loosing it?

Apr 28 - 11AM
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Jane

I know exactly what you are feeling. Let yourself be angry and use that anger and grief and sadness to do something constructive. We can't make people tell the truth, or even want to believe the truth, but the truth does come out eventually. I really do believe this, and I also believe in Karma. I have seen it at work in my own life and also in my Narcissist husband's. It may appear that your ex is happy and has moved on but remember always that Narcissists are incapable of true intimacy and love. Everything is for appearances and everyone in their lives is disposable, replaceable. As soon as they stop making the narcissist feel good, they will be gone. I know from living with a narcissist for 25 years that they have an extremely short attention span and move from job to job, one living arrangement to another, one friend to another, and one relationship to another. Mine stayed with me for so long because I thought that I had to love him unconditionally. When I finally started saying "ouch" when he hurt me, I didn't make him feel good anymore, so he dropped me like a hot potato. It didn't matter that I was battling for my life against cancer, I wasn't making HIM feel good, so he lost interest. The callousness with which they treat people is so hurtful. It is really unbelievable at times. But I have been paying attention, and I know that his attention span is about 6 months for just about everyone and everything in his life. He actually gets annoyed or starts losing interest around 3 months and usually moves, changes jobs, or drops friends or relationships around 6 months time. I have seen it happen over and over again. Try as hard as you can to move on with your own life. Living well really is the best revenge.
Apr 28 - 10AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Jane

Oh, Jane. I so know how you're feeling. You are not losing it, trust me. You are going through the typical stages of grieving. You are grieving the loss of a relationship. It's hard enough to get over a relationship that has ended. Add to this the fact that he never was who you thought he was and the grief is compounded ten-fold. It's very confusing. We not only mourn the relationship, but the illusion of love we thought we once had with this man. The hardest part is that we did love this person and probably still do, but must stay strong and remember why we need to pull away. Pulling away from someone you love is excruciatingly painful. It is natural to go through stages of blaming yourself, but every time you do that, please come here and read these posts. You know you are doing the right thing and you know you are better off without him. It will take time, but you will be so much happier in the long run if you stay strong and stay away from him. There are men out there capable of real, genuine love and when you get through this, you will be open to meeting someone as special as you are. You deserve nothing less. Until then, stay strong and know we are here for you. Big Hugs, Lisa
Apr 28 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

heck yes

The anger phase is VERY HEALTHY. It can be channeled to propel you away from that creep! Yes, you most probably DO have PTSD!! These Narcs cause it! I have yet to meet a Narc Victim who doesn't have PTSD to some degree. Your anger is not wrong. Your anger is a sign that you recognize the crimes which have been committed against you or those you love. Your anger is actually a healthy sign! Anger is an appropriate emotion in the wake of evil or injustice. Negative feelings are not inherently sinful or wrong. Emotions happen. Don't try to escape what you're feeling by denying or pretending it isn't there. Acknowledge it. What you do with your emotions is where right and wrong come into the picture. Obviously, being angry isn't justification for abusing someone or doing wrong ourselves. I am of the firm opinion that certain things should outrage us. Evil acts should make us angry. It is an appropriate and reasonable response to injustice and malicious acts. It is a sign that you respect yourself (or others) when you rise up in outrage at egregious behavior. Acknowledge what you feel and don't be afraid of your own strong reactions to evil. Negative feelings should serve as a sign telling you that something is seriously out of whack. That is where your fore brain is supposed to come in. Emotions are not intelligent or mature. They are signals sent from primitive places in our brains. Read the whole thing here: http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/03/angry-with-narcissist-read-on.html I am very big on exposing these creeps - constructively. Sometimes it gives one conceptual closure. If you (or anyone else) would like me to list all the places online you can expose these Narcs - let me know and I will post it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/