Anger
Anger
Is it normal to feel really angry towards your ex N? Over the past two weeks I have been harvesting a deep seethed anger towards him and a growing need to get payback. He has been spreading even more twisted lies about me, and about what really happened between us, making him look like the angel and me like the evil witch - the defective, insane one. I've even had to take my blog down because he was making threats via a proxy.
It makes me sooo angry and I soooo want to expose him with his friends and family for the pig he truly is. I am not usually the vindictive type, but it feels so unfair that he's gotten off unscathed, whereas I am still picking up the pieces. New job, up for promotion, new gf, new life in a different country. He closed all doors of contact without any kind of closure or explanation.
I suspect I'm going through some kind of PTSD, as I'm getting all kinds of flashbacks from when I was growing up (I was bullied and suffered all kinds of verbal/emotional abuse) which I thought I had dealt with and put behind for good. Have not been sleeping well either, can't concentrate, can't focus long enough to see a task through. Don't want to take anti-depressants (I've read on how hard it is to come off them and how they can make you suicidal at first) and I know that my symptoms seem to be getting worse.
The worst part of it all is that it seems he's robbed me of my essence, and the hope I had for the future. Can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am finding it so hard to let go (whereas he has had no trouble letting go and moving on), and there are times where sadly, I yearn for the guy that I fell in love with and blame myself for the relationship not working out. Stupid, I know - I should feel estatic that he doesn't want to contact me and feel like kicking myself in the rear as I write this.
Can any of you relate to the above at all, or am I really loosing it?
Jane
Jane
heck yes