any advice welcome

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#1 Aug 1 - 9PM
Jean's picture

any advice welcome

This started a little over a year ago. The Narc (we'll call him Andy) started heavy flirtation with me via a back rub. After a few months, in which he did other inappropriate things like showing me a dirty picture, giving me a ride in his car. . .and lots of seductive behavior. . .I developed feelings for him. So I told him one night at dinner (I asked him, he agreed). He downplayed everything then went to his supervisor the next day and said I was bothering him. Turns out someone else had complained to mgmt. about "inappropriate touching" on his part already. Needless to say, he said nothing to me, continued to act like a friend, and then about a week later both he and his boss called me to a meeting where he said he "just wanted a professional relationship" and he'd "tried to" tell me that. I was humiliated but did nothing, thinking that perhaps I had somehow "scared" him (ha!) plus I did not want to get him fired over something which I viewed as petty. Gosh, I'm nice. This dude is a doctor and a lawyer (but I scared him. . .yeah, right).

I now know the following:

--Andy routinely flirts, including inappropriate behavior, usually with totally inappropriate women (gay or married). He gave plenty of back rubs.
--my situation with him was not handled correctly - he should have said something directly to me about feeling uncomfortable or, if he felt unable to, had his supervisor talk to me - but NOT both of them at once
--his supervisor recently apologized to me about how it was handled
--Their boss "Earl" received multiple complaints from female staff about sexual harassment by another doctor we work(ed) with, and the boss called the doctor into his office and said, "now I know you didn't do anything wrong, but there's been some complaints - and I know you didn't bother one of these women because she's an ugly dog."
--as a result of the above conversation, the doctor who was sexually harassing women was fired, because he did not stop harassing women and the doctor's supervisor eventually went over Earl's head to his (female) boss who had the doctor fired
--Earl recently told another doctor (and a colleague of mine) during a closed-door meeting that he should be careful because his job is not protected I am "not his friend" (the meeting had nothing to do with the topic of sexual harassment or with me)

so, although nothing is written record (that I know of - I am too intimidated by these bozos to ask to see my employee record), this guy Earl seems to think us gals are only out to take advantage of these poor men (doctors).

Should I ask to see my employee file? Should I ask my supervisor (who I trust) to get the file for me so as not to set off any alarms?

Oh, and during my "sexually harassment" of Andy (ha! double ha!!), I told my supervisor one day that he'd shown me a really inappropriate picture and he (my supervisor) said, "oh that's dr jones!" and rolled his eyes.

Can you say "poor management???!!"

Thanks, anyone.

Aug 3 - 3PM
Goldie's picture

Sounds like control

As long as he was in "control" of the situation and obviously "getting off" on how he was treating you and your keeping your mouth shut, everything was how he liked it. As soon as you spoke up and took the bait, and spoke of your feeling for him, he got scared and decided to cut to the chase and accuse you, before you could find out what was up and REPORT HIM. What was up in my observation, is that he had no intentions of ever having a relationship with you, he liked the "game." You spoke of feelings and then he says to himself, when she realizes that I am screwing with her, she may report me. What a horror show for you, so sorry you went through this. Typical narc behavior. Point the finger away from yourself so that the other one looks like the "bad one" "crazy one" and he walks away untainted by his behavior. We do not give legal advice on here, so as to whether or not you should look into this further and how you should protect yourself, we cannot say for sure. If this happened to me, I would consult with an attorney who specializes in harrassment in the work place or a human resource specialist whom you can trust. I would not necessarily trust anyone at your workplace, especially due to the comment your supervisor made making light of the Doctor's behavior. Particularly in this economy, everyone protects themselves and "thinking" you can trust someone and actually having them keep their mouth shut if asked, are two different things. This is just my opinion, do what feels right for you. Thank you for sharing and your story is typical of what happens and it may help someone else to nip it in the bud before they get called on the carpet for something they did not even do, sneaky aren't they? Protect yourself in this moving forward and do what is best for you. God bless, Goldie
Aug 3 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
Jean's picture

Thanks Goldie

I am biding my time for now. I checked my personnel record and nothing is written down, so I am going to let it go. If something else happens, I may well consult an attorney. I appreciate your advice & insight.
Aug 1 - 10PM
Sparrow's picture

This man, Andy, is an animal.

This man, Andy, is an animal. A monster........I am so sorry that you have had to endure this bullshit. Is this happening in America or a different country?
Aug 2 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Jean's picture

yes, USA

It's my opinion that in most workplaces, it only takes a few bad apples to ruin the bunch. I think the factor that causes problems where I work is there are a lot of doctors, and about twice as many non-doctors. Almost all the doctors are male and most of the non-doctors are female. The managers have a tendency to defer to the docs, even when it isn't appropriate. Yesterday I was highly annoyed but I feel better today. Thanks for your reply.