Apocalypse Now

During my freshman year, my ex-Psych professor would ALWAYS tell me that I was bringing him down. Since I was enrolled in his lab class at the time, I kept him on a short leash (I slacked off after that, since my grades were no longer dependent on his sanity, or lack thereof) When I called him out on the way he gossiped about me, spread blatant lies, used my own good qualities against me, and punished me for being nice to him... he'd whine "you're bringing me down." I'd also say that it looked pathetic of him to be bullying A STUDENT. Okay, students bullying each other--that happens. Professors bullying each other--that happens. But when a teacher bullies a student, there's a great inequality. It's not a fair fight. After the D&D, the revelation of the fiancee, he said that he was SUPPOSED to be the Bad Guy, that I was SUPPOSED to hate him AND admire him at the same time. I was baffled by that one. His lies towards the end were done so sloppily it was like he WANTED to be caught. His swift retreat (with his poor curator fiancee trying to catch up) as I told his fellow professors, "My ex-P didn't tell me he already had a girlfriend" was... pathetic. He didn't even try to cover himself. He didn't mind publicly embarrassing me;it's not as if he kept his nastiness behind closed doors, and had a polished Nice Guy image for everyone else. He WANTED to be the villain. That baffles me.

Mine used to lie on the floor in a dark room crying and saying he was empty inside. I was about to give birth to our first child when he first pulled this stunt. It was so not what I needed to see or hear - the reality that the biggest baby in my life was my partner on the floor. Things got much much worse. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

Just before he really dug into me, he asked me why I didn't dump the guy I had been seeing for a month to be with him (after we had only been on one date together.) I tried to be nice in my answer, but I was only met with the harshest D&D. Reflecting on this, I wonder if that's what he really wanted. If he was giving me an opening to D&D him. To tell him all of the "bad" qualities I might have seen in him that would make it okay for me to have let him go. I really think that was what he did want. He was so so troubled. . . .

Yes, yes, yes. I have felt like that. In fact people tell me that he tells me WAYYY to much, always has. Everything from his womanizing to his drinking to his bad parenting and control freaky nature. Almost like if I tell her all this she might out me, or rescue me. He most recently told me "I have done so many bad things, bad things that have nothing to do with you" and I can imagine and pretty much know what they are. He also consistently tells me how much he is drinking and how screwed up he is, and I thought for a while that he wanted sympathy, but I am beginning to think no one in his world calls him on anything and he might actually thrive on the thrill of telling me to see what I might do. I am not here to rescue nor out him. In fact, I shouldn't even be here at all, but I do think there is some part of him that would like it if the tower came tumbling down.

this feeling you have, he wanted you to find out...it is a distancing tactic. Narcs blow hot and cold...they want to establish the status quo...so if you are at 10 and he has decided that all he wants to give is 5, he will start to act out, so you have to make the decisions...it is passive aggressive...so then you go back to 0...then he blows hot again to bring you back to 5. Bottom line is, they have decided what sort of supply you are, not you. And sometimes they will not tell you. Are you the wife, the whore, the friend....what ever it is, he has made his mind up already about you. They do not really see you. And this revealing of his true self, to stop him, in fact is a passive aggressive tactic to managing down your expectations about him. We react with more love, but this he doesnt understand, since he is showing you what ass he is, so subciounsesly they know something must be wrong with you - low self esteem maybe....it is a very distorted way to communicate and to have a relationship.