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April's story

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#1 Jul 22 - 11PM
admin
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April's story

The Motivational Speaker

It has been almost a year... Actually 10 months. I have read so many self help/spiritual books. Actually part of the problem was that we met at a spiritual retreat.

He was an aspiring coach and motivational speaker. He was a tall, dark, amazingly handsome native american. He was well spoken with a captivating presence that sucked people in. In fact, everyone adores him, almost everyone. My friends and famiily grew to despise him. But, in my community he is highly regarded and has quite the following on Twitter and speaks regularly at events.

He was unemployed when I met him. Guess who is unemployed now?? That's right, me. I lost everything, most importantly myself. I was a one time wellness coach that was a trained therapist.

I too was subject to a N. I was convinced he was my soulmate. We shared everything with deep intimacy. He was so extremely spiritual that I thought he would never turn into what he was at the end. CRUEL. I suffered in silence. Much like everyone has mentioned, I craved him for so long. It is not like losing a regular relationship. I feel hollowed out.

I smile at appropriate times and sometimes socialize, but it is an act. I couldn't really explain it to anyone if I tried. Not really. I am numb almost, yet other times still in such pain.

He seems unscathed and is enjoying his new found success. I am lost and broken. I don't know how to come back. I was spiritually disillusioned, which had always been my resting place.

It occurred to me tonight- I think I have PTSD. For being a past therapist, I am a little slow. :) Thanks everyone for being so candid. It helps.

Jul 23 - 2AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they're consummate actors

heh - Psycho-Boy pulled the "twin flame" thing on me. If you get and read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS you'll see exactly how they get us to think that: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/22/barbaras-story Narcissists and other pathologicals love to MIRROR their prey. Excerpt: The pathological has successfully lured her into the relationship with excessive use of attention, flattery, intensity, and mirroring of her values and interests. He has portrayed himself as helpful and indispensable, showed interest in her, applauded her virtues and strength, shown his exciting and fun side, told her he found her desirable, and had a lot of sex with her that promoted her deep bonding and attachment. He has probably isolated her from family and friends, and in subtle ways he has tested her empathy, tolerance, cooperation, relationship investment, and loyalty. During trance states, he has implanted the messages he wants her to adhere to. With her high scores in relationship investment and cooperativeness, she passed the test. These temperament and character qualities are just what he needs in order to have the best chance of playing out his scenario. Now he is moving her into the place in the relationship in which the bait and switch will occur. During the “Honeymoon Phase” of the relationship, the pathological convinces his woman that she has finally found the relationship where she will experience intimacy and fulfillment — ”the bait.” The best he can do is fake it in the beginning, until he feels he has her hooked. The pathological is a very good faker and deceiver. He can sometimes fake it and completely hood-wink her for a year or even more. But since part of pathology is inconsistency, he isn’t likely to be able to fake it into eternity. At sometime, the mask slips and she realizes who she thought she got is not who she really got. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS Lisa's book - information on the RIGHT - also gives wonderful, real life examples and easy to understand breakdowns of the narcissist's modus operandi. Click on MESSAGE BOARD on the left, go through all the pages - I have LOADED it up with articles and so on that should help you a lot. You should also seriously think of therapy for yourself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 23 - 12AM
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

No, you are not alone and

No, you are not alone and you are not slow. It is hard to realize that the amazing, made-just-for-man is anything but what he presented to you at the beginning of your relationship. As much as it sucks to realize that your deep feelings and attatchments and commitment to 'make it work' was all one-sided, it would suck more if you hadn't caught on to his pathology and had invested even MORE time energy and love into him. You were not slow. You are a REAL caring human being. You will always have these very real, very human traits and one day someone will love you for the GENUINE and REAL perosn you are. Too bad your N will never experience real warmth and love and that's his problem now and not yours.
Jul 23 - 12AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

April

It is classic for Empaths and other Healers to be taken in by these men. There is nothing wrong with you! Please click on MESSAGE BOARD here on the site and go through ALL the pages. Read what you find strikes you. You can listen to the ALL ABOUT HIM BlogTalkRadio show free, online at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Motivational speakers, advertisers, marketers, politicians - all use the same NLP techniques those "seduce women now" gurus who have 100s of websites up have all over the web. I myself fell prey to a guy I'd known over 25 years who is now an award-winning Marketing professional... and a total sex-addicted Narcissist. Here's just a couple websites to let you see YOU ARE NOT ALONE: http://briandavidphillips.typepad.com/brian/hypnosis_erotic_and_sexual/index.html http://www.deeptrancenow.com/exc2_seduction.htm Psychologist Margaret Singer wrote a book called "CULTS IN OUR MIDST" that you would probably find very interesting. As a motivational speaker he now probably has a 'following' and loads of attention... as well as a ready pool of women to seduce, brainwash, use and discard. Like this guy: http://www.monster-love.com/samia.htm You are not alone. There's loads of compassionate people on this board so keep reading and keep posting. Make sure you have TOTAL NO CONTACT with this man no matter what anyone tells you, don't listen and ask them not to discuss him with you at ALL! It will be your only way to sanity. You might also want to get a copy of WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?ii=171497&c=cart&aff=21165&ejc=2 it will validate your experience for you. It will take months probably before you feel better but you have made a huge step identifying the problem. You are not alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 23 - 1AM (Reply to #2)
April (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

False self

Thanks so much for the links. It was uncanny to read some of them, particularly the shaman psychopath. My N has a webpage espousing spiritual wisdom daily and speaks of living with an open heart and loving and inspired action. It is really nauseating, but I think the concept of the "false self" really applies here. I think he had really really created this false identity and his true one he even hides from himself. Of course, I do believe that it was a somewhat created to mirror me, but overall he has a perfect public persona. In fact, he seems downright amazing. People actually said to me, "Do you have a hard time keeping up with him". They had no idea whatsoever what was really going on. I was the mastermind behind so much of his teachings and writings. There was not room for each of us to really have a career. My dreams were obviously cast aside and never mentioned of course. In fact, he competed with me, which I didn't understand at the time. He was even angry that I could run further and faster than he could. I could have nothing of my own that was "better" or "superior" in his mind. I was to remain small and insignificant, which is exactly how I feel today. In the end, after complete devotion and endless support, I was cast aside, almost ruthlessly. He no longer needed me. He had all the attention and admirers he could stand. I made one mistake of talking with him three months ago about his children, whom I loved dearly. Other than that, absolutely no contact whatsoever. What is so interesting is how my mind plays tricks on me and chooses at times to still idealize him and almost "diefy" him. Up until a month ago, I referred to him as my twin flame. I swear, he did a number on me and the mind control and manipulation was unreal. I am embarassed I give him so much power. Now, everyday is a putting back the pieces together and finding myself and redefining my life. That is taking all the strength and courage I have. Thanks for the kind words of support. The feelings of isolation can be intense recovering from an N.