Ariela's Story

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#1 Apr 18 - 12PM
Ariela's picture

Ariela's Story

We met at the "club house". He was attentive and charming. Of course there was alcholol involved. I passed out on the couch with my head on his lap. He didn't try anything sexual with me that night. and walked me to my truck that morning after I had sobered up. That was my weekend thing....going to the club house to hang out with the bikers. I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship with Oldest's Son's dad. I felt accepted by the bikers. It was like I was trying to fit in with them. I wasn't going to do anything with Psycho Jr. at all. I thought he was nice and safe. And there was the age difference. One of my older friends said "You only live once." when I told her that I was attracted to him and my concerns about the age difference. Psycho Jr. and his dad Psycho SR were staying at the club house. Psycho SR was a "retired" member. I met him at the club house for dinner which consisted of chicken soup. His dad was there. They seemed so normal. Later that night we drank and got drunk and his dad tried to kiss me. I will never forget that. It was kind of scary. but, I avoided it. Early the next morning Psycho Jr. and I decided to go to Denny's for coffee and as luck would have it they were closed. So we went back to my apartment for coffee. We ended up having sex. During this time I had met his best friend. Psycho Jr. had told me some stories about how best friends dad had molested him and how one night Psycho Jr. and him loaded up some guns and shot at his house.(lies) During this time, we had sex a couple of time. I knew he was going back to Florida. I ended up not getting my period and realized that I was pregnant. My grandfather had just died and I just knew. I didn't want to tell him that I was pregnant. I figured that I could keep it to myself. But, again fate had different plans for me. My brother decided that Psycho Jr. "had to know." and told him. Psycho Jr. came over to "talk". Basically he wanted me to get an abortion. I refused. We had little contact before he left for Florida. The first 3 months of my pregnancy he would call and insist that I get an abortion. I would refuse, get angry and throw the phone.
I moved back in with my dad because I made to much for medicaid to get medical insurance. Most of our contact was via IM. He had gradually grown use to the idea of me being pregnant. We became "friends".

Psycho Jr. was there for the birth of youngest son. He even helped name him and insisted that youngest son have his last name. The first 3 months after youngest son was born, Psycho Jr. really put the pressure on to come live with him in Florida. At this point I figured why not? We could be a happy family. Oh how naive I was and had rose colored glasses. It didn't help that I thought I knew him. I thought I was special to him.

August 2003

After he went back to Florida we had infrequent communication via phone and email/IM. He was there for the birth of youngest son and signed the acknowledgment of paternity. He seemed to really want to make a go of having a "real relationship" the first time around. I agreed to move to Florida the first time when youngest son was just a baby and Oldest's Son was 7 years old. When I got there his father Psycho SR was living there with Psycho Jr. in a run down trailer. Psycho Jr. told me he was waiting on his mortgage or deed or something before he could move into his new house. The kids and I were there for only 10 days. Psycho SR was verbally abusive to me and to Oldest's Son. Both Psycho Jr. and Psycho SR said that youngest son was "too fat." Psycho SR made Oldest's Son sit for 5 hours straight because he was playing too loud. Psycho SR was rude to Oldest's Son when he could not finish the second helping of corn-He made Oldest's Son sit so long that he peed his pants, so the next morning Psycho SR made Oldest's Son a corn pancake from the leftover corn. I felt ineffectual and SCARED of Psycho SR. Psycho Jr. was uncommunicative with me. Oldest's Son's dad had taken me to court for leaving state (thank god)...and Psycho SR had overheard my phone conversation so I had to explain what was going on. "Well Psycho Jr. needs to know about this!" he shouted at me. I said nothing at that point. When Psycho Jr. came home from work we all sat down to dinner. Psycho SR was especially rude to Oldest's Son and me. As the night wore on Psycho SR became more agitated that I had not told Psycho Jr. about court. He finally yelled at me "well aren't you going to tell him or not?" I looked at Psycho SR and said nothing because he was yelling at me. "Well aren't you a piece of work. Psycho Jr., she is only here for the beer." (I am still not sure what that meant)said Psycho SR. Psycho Jr. said nothing about anything the entire time I was there. He did not defend Oldest's Son or Me. I looked at both of them and I said "We are not staying here." And I called my dad. I told my dad my concerns about what had happened and that I wanted to get me and the kids out of there. I was afraid for our safety. My dad said "hold tight we are on our way and will be there as quick as we can." My dad had called a little bit after that and said that it would take at least 16 hours and that him and my brother were leaving ASAP. I went and slept in Oldest's Son's "room" with youngest son in the car seat for the night. Psycho Jr. never said a word to me at all about anything.
I spent the next day packing up our stuff. Psycho Jr. went to work. I was left alone with Psycho SR. I tried to keep Oldest's Son quiet because of Psycho SRs Temper. Psycho SR did not speak to me at all that day. Dad and my brother did arrive early that afternoon and we LEFT! I never felt so relived!!!!!

I came back and started to work at the Hospital as a LPN-8/2003. My life seemed to be back on track. My father helped me get my own house. I lived next door to him and the crew. I had just started to date someone that I later married, and He moved in. Youngest son was a baby. youngest son called Ex-hubby "daddy". Ex Hubby and I got married 8/2004. (I don't suggest marrying a rebound relationship). Youngest son had a close relationship with both his Grandma(psycho Jr's mom) and her best friend, spent many nights and weekends with both of them. Ex Hubby left the relationship in 11/2004. He did warn me that he really didn't believe in commitment and hadn't had a relationship that lasted longer than a year. Psycho Jr. called infrequently if at all. He did not even know I had gotten married and he told me "I almost drove off the road when I found out."

After my ex- husband left I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I was "flawed" why I couldn't have a relationship work. I took on a lot of the blame for all my relationships. I read self help books constantly. lol I was obsessed with finding the "answer" I haven't had a real relationship since.

I find that I get obsessed with men in my life, or problems, or trying to "fix" people and situations.

Fast forward to 2007.
I moved on with my life throwing myself into work. I rarely heard from Psycho Jr. He would occasionally show up every couple of years for a day or two and be gone again. Once he brought his girlfriend to my house. lol He would IM me occasionally. He invited me to go to see him while he was in Pennsylvania for work and I went and spent the weekend with him. He was telling me how much he missed me and that I should move to Florida to be with him. I was confused on how I felt. I did not agree to move and told him my life was in NY.
I got back from Pennsylvania. He would call and occasionally text and told me he was going to be in NY for a few days. I thought for sure he was coming to see me and spend time with youngest son. Which never happened. I didn't even know that he had left state when he called me after he got back to Florida. HE told me that he "didn't want to marry you." I think he was with OW at that point.
Our "relationship" became heated. I was so angry and hurt. That and he never followed through on all the promises he made to me about our son, and that he put me through an emotional wringer. Psycho Jr. promised to start sending child support, lol. So I had emailed him about it.

My email to him circa 2008:
Child support where oh where are you? Not in the bank doing me any good. Not in my hand so I can buy food. Not anywhere that I can see. Oh alas, where can you be? Left with no choice I must take action. Because living hand to mouth is quite old fashioned... What to do oh what to do? 17% for one child, doesn't seem a lot to me how about you? But, what would happen if 5 years worth is totaled? Would it make you go loco? What is a poor single mother to do?

His reply:
I am doing the best I can right now to send you what you need. I apologize for the inconvienence.
Please tell youngest I said Hi and I love him and I cant wait to see him again I miss Him Like crazy.
thanks. Psycho Jr.

My reply:

All talk and no action. That is what I get from you Psycho Jr.. I really don't care anymore what you do or do not do. We will survive. We have done it for the last 5 years and frankly, we will be fine. So sorry we are an inconvenience to you and your new family.

His reply:


You say you dont care anymore, and you may not. However I do. As you well know I miss youngest son very much and i would like nothing more than to be a part of his life. I know i could call more often and such but without him being able to come visit me once in a while it makes me feel like talking to him would only make him miss me more and make me miss him more. I would really like for us to come to some sort of an agreement Ariela i really want to be a part of his life. As for my "new family", I hope you can understand that for the first time in my entire life I am actually Happy. Very Happy. I truly Love this woman and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I honestly think that allowing Jacob to come visit me would be benificial to the both of us as well as him. You know as well as I that i am not a bad person and that I am fully able to care for him. I dont know what else to write You have full control over youngest son's life and you just want me to send you money.

Psycho Jr.

My reply:

Blah blah blah one excuse after another. I really could care less about how happy you are. Good for you. You say your not a part of his life because of me. That is the biggest load of bullshit that I have ever heard. Don't you blame me for your choice. He doesn't know you because OF YOU. I never said you couldn't contact him or see him. If you really wanted to be a part of his life you would have been. You would have made it happen. It wouldn't have been left to me to make all the decisions concerning him. You have this amazing way of making everything my fault and accepting no responsibility for anything. Don't you for once think that if you made an effort at being a part of his life that I would have been more apt to let him go to Florida to see you. No you don't go out of your way to be a part of his life so don't put your bullshit on me. And how am I to know that you can take care of him Psycho Jr.? You see him every couple of years for a day or two. Your the guy that he can name in a picture but, thinks his uncle is more of a father to him that you. I offered to let him go to Florida for a week or two A COUPLE OF YEARS ago but, it wasn't good enough for you. Frankly I don't trust you. You haven't proven to me that you are trustworthy. I don't want a fucking thing from you except to step up and actually be a man instead of talking about that and how great you are. I asked for child support since I have nearly exhausted myself physically and emotionally to support my children. How is it fair that I have to struggle so much to take care of youngest son when you said you would send support? Fuck off and get a clue.

End of 2008-2009
And then of course I didn't hear from him for awhile, until his relationship with the other woman ended. With her pregnant with his child. I apparently put back on my rose colored glasses and considered him a friend. I tried to help build a relationship between both youngest son and Psycho Jr (like that was my responsibility or something).
He would tell me about the OW drug problems and how she was crazy etc. How the OW apparently was still married to her husband and how she didn't put his name on the baby's birth certificate. How he didn't really think the baby was his anyway because the OW was a "crack whore". Yeah this was the woman he was so in love with, so happy with, and was going to marry. I would be lying if I said I didn't take some perverse pleasure in the end of that relationship.

And then my mom died.....and that's when the mind fuck became full blown. To be continued.

Apr 18 - 1PM
michele115 (not verified)
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Thank you so much for sharing your story...You have come to the right place. I note the span of your story and how on a level, yes it seems you are no longer involved; however, significant damage has been done and YEARS later even after the fact, still unresolved. I thank you not only for sharing but for helping to bring to attention how if we don't do the work...this stuff lingers for YEARS...and they will still haunt us and unless we do the work, we can fall prey to yet another disaster. I wish I could contact my ex Narc's wife because I fear that she too will be affected for years even though they are divorced...but I am hesitant because I am afraid she has her own issues and her ego would deter her from doing the work and healing - but intead would use the offer as ammo to strike him some more... BUT for those that do come through these doors, at whatever stage...I think Ariela's story shows that we really do benefit from doing the work... AND Ariela, regardless of where you stand with him...I encourage you to start at the beginning so you can really understand the dynamics as well as more about yourself...this board is such a supportive, insightful place, I can't tell you enough how much I have grown and learned, and I am so happy to meet you and look forward to sharing with you and traveling along the Path Forward! Hugs!