Bad Gifts

Begum This always puzelled me.... He a1ways wanted to give me stuff he had bought himself but was getting bored of. Once it was his winter coat. This is a guy who is CEO of a company. A few times I was given jewelery but it was more or less to show of what he could afford to his friends. Once we went shopping and when it came to me he said okay use your own money.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but this passage reminded me of how they make you think they are going to give you something wonderful or ask you what you want just so they can dissapoint you. The first Christmas, when we were talking about marriage and before he said he couldn't be the one to propose, he was out shopping and called me. He said, "Honey, I can't believe I'm asking you this but I forgot to find out and I need to know right now, so you have to promise to forget I asked you because it will ruin the surprise." I was like, oh my gosh. So he says, 'What size . . . SHOE do you wear?" So almost immediately, since he is such a joker, I think he's messing with me and is reallly going to buy me a ring but wants me to suffer. So I tell him what size shoe I am. So Christmas comes and he gives me this box, sure enough, a shoe box with shoes in it. So I fully expect him to give me the ring after this "gag" gift, but when he asks me to try them on, I think, "Oh, I bet the ring is in one of the toes. ha. ha. how cute." So I try them on. Nope. No ring. so I say, "You're kidding, right?" And he says, "What's wrong? Don't you like them? I can't do anything right." So then I immediately feel like a jerk, that he is so sweet and dorky to buy a girl shoes, that I'm mean and selfish, etc. etc. etc. And I end up giving him extra great sex that night to make up for how awful I was to him. Ugh!

My X loved to buy gifts for himself. Now mind you, this is while I was paying all the bills and helping him to get back on his feet. I paid for his court fines, his tools in hock, his clothes, haircuts, toiletries, gas for my car for him to use, entertainment, ect... (I know, I know, I was a SAP!!!) anyway, he finally at long last GETS A JOB and do you think I got any type of thank you gesture for all I did for him when Christmas rolls around, HECK NO!!! He rewards HIMSELF with: Armarni cologne, a new cap, a RC remote contol car, more tools, ect... There was NOTHING under that tree for me. He promised me: a dog (my beautiful Golden had passed from cancer and I was heartbroken over losing her), an engagement ring, a new pocketbook (he broke mine in a rage), make up for a makeover, and love poems from his heart. Did I get any of this? HECK NO!!! He gave me stolen gifts several times, it was awful to receive these because I had no idea who the unfortunate victims were and it made me sick to have this stuff around my house. He finally got the engagement ring and it was something you would give a child as a first piece of jewlery, I do not like large diamonds, however, this thing was flat with no stone just these tiny tiny flakes of dust on a flat surface and the band was so thin it could not even be engraved. I have NEVER in my life been so rude as to refuse a gift from ANYONE, however, I told him that I did not want this ring. What an ass, my rm's were so pissed off that they all wanted to kill him. This is AFTER he told them that he had a beautiful ring on layaway which he had engraved with a beautiful inscription. Makes me sick, just to think about it, considering all that I had done for him over this year. What a selfish selfish selfish f---. Some days I can laugh about it and some days it disgusts me that I put up with this joke (shell) of a man for as long as I did. My son who doesn't say boo in terms of confrontation says to him one day after we were all waiting to see this ring on layaway (this is where he claimed all my missing money was going). "Hey ----, do you think we could see the ring or the receipt or something and he was so embarassed he did not even respond. I was so proud of my son that day, yet also so very hurt that he had to intervene in this way and it was a couple of weeks later that he produced this piece of crap ring. Another time, my son asked him if he knew where his hat and cellphone were, and this 6'6" man chased my son down the hall and pushed him to the ground and was about to punch him in the head when I pulled him off my son. I was so ashamed of myself that day that I allowed this animal in our lives to abuse not only me but my son as well. By then, many of my friends were not even speaking to me and the ones who were wanted to kill him. So gift giving is a rough subject for me right now, brings up a lot of bad memories. I just keep asking myself, what was I thinking?? Being with this selfish selfish selfish man who's idea of gift giving was buying things for himself. And now almost 4 months after NC, his sister has the insane nerve to ask me for HIS STUFF BACK. Are you kidding me?? You mean all the things that I bought for him? What about my 5 grand, what about my self respect and the respect of my son, what about my safe home, what about my heart and soul? Is he going to give that back to me?? No course not, those are all things which I will have to get back myself and woe to the next person who EVER trys to take those things from me again. God bless, Goldie

He actually wasn't a bad gift giver for the most part. I am not a believer in Valentines Day so never expected a gift but he gave me "Past Present Future" Necklace. He handed it to me & said I've had this for a few days and didn't know if I should give it you but I want you to know I love you.(Now mind you it was given to me after VDay) He gave me the receipt in case somthing broke on it etc. The receipt was dated day AFTER VDay! And his mom told him you go get her something whether she believes in it or not!!!! Ahh yeah

For one birthday "Himself" went out and bought a new state of the art cell phone and received a free cheap phone with purchase - Yup! I got the free phone for my birthday. I didn't want nor ask for it, my phone was only a couple of months old. For my 40th birthday, I got new pots and pans....the list goes on.

I've already commented in another thread about the ex. But--my first ex mostly just flat out bought what he wanted. A Nintendo game system was a typical example (he was a video game freak, I had no interest). The other is my mom, and this is more subtle--I don't know that she's an N either but throughout much of my life if I asked for something (and she'd ask for a list before bdays and holidays) I would get something similar to what I asked for and in her mind I think "better" but it would be just enough off that it wasn't what I really wanted at all. I realize now why I think what I want doesn't count. Because in many ways I grew up being told what I wanted or what I felt, or didn't feel ("we don't hate anybody"). And then of course if you're not grateful to get whatever it is, then you've got bad manners.

As much as I got a laugh at some of these entries, I feel for everyone here. Being with Ns is such a disappointment nothing they do is heart felt and some is done intentionally to be hurtful. My N was great for stirring things up weeks before a birthday or holiday. Saying wait until I see what he has cooked up for me it would be the best birthday, Christmas...yet. Then I would get the old D&D, he would just be unavailable. One Christmas he gave me a DVD of my favorite singer a month after Christmas passed. The DVD wouldn't work in my player because it was from the UK. When I mentioned it to him, he said he knew about it but was hoping it would work anyway. There was no offer to exchange it or get something else. My first birthday (when he was still charming me) he got my favorite chocolate covered strawberries from my favorite place. They always get the biggest strawberries, nice and fresh it's such a treat. The next birthday when he was finished roping me in. He bought them at a place I never go because their strawberries are neither big or very fresh. So of course knowing this he bought them 3-4 days before my birthday and by the time he gave them to me I had to throw most of them out. Cards? He never gave cards. The few gifts he's ever given me were never wrapped. My very last birthday with him, he decided to have his wood floors done and went away so he wouldn't have to breathe the varnish. I didn't expect him to breathe the toxic fumes did I? What kind of gf was I that I couldn't be understanding. He left all my gifts in a plastic shopping bag on a chair in the kitchen for me to collect after I let the guy in to do the floors. That was such a romantic memorable birthday. LOL There were always promises of weekends away some exotic places some just romantic type stayovers. None ever came to fruition it was all just smoke and mirrors to keep me around. How long can one live with so many disappointments?

Wow! They are all the same! My N would talk of 'special presents' we could do for each other. Which only happened from my end! Because I wasn't his girlfriend and he was so weird I wasn't sure of my limits. So for his birthday I made him a card and brought him a chocolate pack. He opened it and said "oh. that's it?" He didn't even remember my birthday let alone get me a gift. He was like a spoiled little prince, sitting there in bed expecting to be served, given presents. Like was entitled to being served by women. You should have seen him waiting under the covers for me lokoing back I feel sick. He always wanted to be 'loved' been given affection. Once he told me I was weird. I think he was talking about himself!

I always hated it when my stbx N would get up and say "oh, its your birthday. I'll be right back" and then proceed to go out and get a card and whatever he could find in 15 minutes. My N in-laws always gave the strangest gifts. I think 3 holidays in a row I got a jar of garlic and a set of pliers from them. It seemed kind of odd thay my vampire mother-in-law would give me garlic...

The very first gifts he gave me were a couple of see through baby doll type lingerie things; a red one and a pink one. He quite proudly told me the story about how he came to have them in his possession. They were thrown at his friend recently from the catwalk of a strip club and because his friend was married and not ‘allowed’ to go to those kinds of places, he had to get rid of the evidence. So, lucky me got the spoils of the incident. I actually thought they were tacky and tasteless, but I’m a nice person and accepted his gift graciously while feeling very uncomfortable about the accompanying story. Another memorable gift I received through the course of our marriage was ‘my very own’ laptop computer. Our first computer had been purchased on my credit card not too long after we moved in together; he had declared bankruptcy a few years earlier, blaming his previous girlfriend, so he had no credit of his own. Over the years he became very successful in the computer industry and was often given equipment by suppliers as incentives. One Christmas I was given one of four incentive computers. He told me where the other three were going and I remember wondering what the recipients of those had done to deserve such an honor. I was really happy to have my own computer at last because he was always messing around with the desktop, upgrading, reformatting and I never felt secure that I would be able to do what I needed to do or find what I needed to find. But I only managed to hold onto my laptop for less than a year. He convinced me to give it back to him so he could send it to his Mom who was in a real mess with her business because of computer problems. He promised that he would get me an even better computer to replace it. Of course I would help his Mom out and I nervously handed back ‘my’ computer after transferring all my data over onto a ‘temporary’ computer he had brought home from work. But I never got my own computer again, I had to use a string of laptops he kept borrowing from work, now I understand that it was his way of keeping control of me, he does the same thing with our daughter now, she had all the latest technology, but he makes sure she understands that 'technically' it still belongs to 'the company'. Another lovely gift I got was his handed down, rent-to-buy treadmill. He used to live in an apartment near the city during the week and he had got this thing for himself, to try and lose some weight. For some reason, he brought it home one weekend, he wasn’t using it anyway. I started using it. My birthday was coming up, so he said “If you want to keep it, I will pay it off and you can have it for your birthday”. Yes, I wanted to keep it, he wouldn’t allow the expense of a gym membership for me, which I really wanted. (one birthday he gave me a 10 class pass to my local gym) This guy was/is on a quarter of a million a year salary, he has really done well since those days of having to use my credit. He actually took the treadmill back, I went through a stage of not using it and he noticed, said I didn’t need it. The only way I could finally get my treadmill back was to have our daughter ask for it, she wanted to start using it for training. Mostly I have just got an extra $200 added to my monthly ‘allowance’ when it has been gift time.

Out of the blue, after dating for about two months, my ex-N gave me.....drum roll please.....an ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH!! I was a little taken aback and tried to act like that was a very nice gesture. But seriously? An electric toothbrush? Just what, exactly, was he trying to "say"? He was incredibly obsessed with his dental hygiene....carried around a bottle of Listermint mouthwash in all his vehicles....and would lay on his bed and brush with HIS electric toothbrush for at least 10 minutes sometimes more. I would use my "gift" when I went to his house but I did think that that was a pretty weird gift...kind of like giving someone deodorant as a present. One birthday, he gave me speakers for my computer (which I already had) and left them on my porch after dropping me off following my birthday dinner with friends. I took the speakers back and bought myself a bracelet. neveragain

one day he said I have something for you......i think you will love it.....it was his OLD ipod....he didn't even have the cord that enables you to download. I listen to jazz, opera easy listening and 70's hits and his ipod was full of Led Zepplin, Tool and Janes Addiction! What a chump!

Well, after a year together, he gave me earrings. Nice, except I don't have pierced ears. There was a matching necklace and he said, "well, you have a neck don't you?" It wasn't my taste at all. Over the years nothing was ever personal - a gift certificate for something. Money was never a problem for him so he could go drop money easily but never really thought about what I liked or wanted. Snow shoes - another big one on Christmas Day at his mother's after she told everyone he would be proposing to me. The last year together, he dug deep - he bought me a Vespa, which was amazing. He wanted to make up for all the years. A month after the Vespa, he left me - again. Came back - again. And when he ended things for good, he gave me money to rent an apartment and buy a sofa and mattress. He said I could leave him the Vespa if I felt I needed to repay him. He's got more money than God. Eventually I sold the Vespa to start paying off all the bills I incurred moving and trying to replace my belongings. Nice, huh? Oh! Over a course of 6 weeks, he bought himself a grand piano for 30K and a new boat for 60K.

Ok -let's hear 'em guys and gals: What's your best story of a gift from a N? Last year, for our 7 yr wedding anniversary, I came home to find my N setting up a borrowed projector machine to project ONLINE PORN on our bedroom wall! 6'x6' Here's the best part: In addition to this my gift was that I got to pleasure him all night! nolongercontrolled