best revenge??

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#1 Oct 2 - 11AM
Bella68
Bella68's picture

best revenge??

What eats away at a narcissist the most?? What is THE BEST revenge?

Oct 3 - 2AM
tasha
tasha's picture

Best Revenge????

Expose him for what hes is!(beware-nacissist rage) Then no contact! aswell getting on with your life and being happy.
Oct 2 - 6PM
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

revenge

The best revenge is to live your life. Heal, grow and become who you are meant to BE That's working pretty good for me anyway :) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 2 - 6PM
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

revenge

The best revenge is to live your life. Heal, grow and become who you are meant to BE That's working pretty good for me anyway :) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 2 - 3PM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Public Unmasking

Unmasking him for what he is to people who are important to him. The woman who replaced me, she got him real good. She faxed a copy of her restraining order against him to the dean of faculty where he teaches. The chairman of the department found out too. Maybe these daft university types are beginning to put two & two together. Revolving door for women whether he marries or lives with them. Costing him money, that hurts too. But harder since they are so conniving about hiding it if they got it. Or, on the other hand, they are dead broke. Indifference, as well. Shows they have no power over you anymore.
Oct 3 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Daft university types

The Ratemyprofessors.com website has my college on it. I tried to post the ex-P on it. I didn't review him, but I want him up there so former and current students can do so. It's been a decade.. it's about time.
Oct 2 - 1PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

yes i would like to know that....

what is the best revenge for me?he went NC on me.So me being NC i think means nothing to him.....me not contacting him will only make him happy....i wish i had started Nc...i got abused,mistreated and ignored...so ladies help me with this one....i am feeling pretty depressed and has been 2 years this week.....what is the best revenge for me?

Aceonelady

Oct 2 - 2PM (Reply to #16)
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

best revenge...............

is to live life fully and maybe even get lucky and find a wonderful man who loves and appreciates you for who you are and let them lead their lives in silent misery.......................because regardless of the facade they will be doing just that............
Oct 2 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

The best revenge is complete

The best revenge is complete and utter indifference. I heard this right away, soon after I got rid of him. It made a lot of sense, knowing my exNarc, who spend every moment of his life trying to get attention from me, be it positive or negative. The truth was, I was NOT the slightest bit indifferent!! Hell, I wanted to scratch his eyes out, kick him in the nards and gloat over his puking body. Not exactly "indifferent". All it takes is the appearance of being indifferent. Narcs cannot read minds any better than anyone else. They are particularly dense that way. If you act indifferent, you ARE indifferent. Indifference really, really smokes the Narc. It is a means to an end, in the first year of recovery or so. It helps you to stay focused on NOT contacting him or giving him any supply in any way. It's all about not putting yourself in his line of fire those first few months. It does help a bit to gloat over how he must be roasting over you ignoring him. I'm three years out, not terribly long in the great scheme of things. This "act as if" indifference of mine has grown into a real indifference. It probably won't ever be 100%. I did love him, was very bonded to him, hell, I married him. And he almost destroyed my life. I'll never be completely indifferent to that bastard. But 95% indifferent? Yeah. I only think about him when I am HERE. And when I do think of him, it is with a sense of power and satisfaction that I maintained NC for three years. By the SKIN OF MY TEETH at times. Man I feel GOOD about that.
Oct 2 - 1PM
Bella68
Bella68's picture

Thank you ladies =)......I

Thank you ladies =)......I have been NC for 6 months and I have also been told that I look and seem happier without N!! I truly am and want nothing to do with him. Just wanted to know that me having no contact and blocking him at every corner is getting toi him!! I love it!! I am so glad I have you ladies in my life!
Oct 2 - 1PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I agree. NC is my best form

I agree. NC is my best form of revenge. So is my moving on with my life and being happy. I've had so many people tell me how much happier I seem since N D&D'd me. I AM happier. I know that it bothers the crap out of him when he hears me laughing with friends at work. I make it a point for him to hear me...and I ignore him completely. I AM happy without N. It, also, apparently really irked him that I went on a fantastic vacation that had been planned for months with my friends before he dumped me (and he had tried to sabotage and stop this vacation while while we were still together). I had a total blast the entire time. It irked him that I went, and the "party bonus" for me was that I bought my airline ticket for the trip with money that made I him pay me for his half of the divorce expenses. I figured that he dumped me. He's paying at least half. I wanted the divorce over quickly, and I filed because I didn't want him in control of anything in my life for one second longer. After he dumped me, I was done with N. Period. NC is a win-win scenario for me. I don't have N and his constant chaos/abuse in my life. I've blocked him from every form of contacting me that I can think of... and most of all I'm happy and I'm healing. Meanwhile, his self-induced swirling shit storm of chaos, drama, and stress just continues on and on...WITHOUT me in any of it. NC and being happy are my best forms of revenge. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Oct 2 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

bella68

NC, is the best revenge, b/c that is total indiffrence... when i met narc, he said love me or hate me but dont be indiffrent with me..... i thought thanks for telling me narc... he was so busy bragging about trying to to exploit people,s weakness,s he forgot to hide his own....
Oct 2 - 12PM
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Living well.

Living well without them is the only revenge as far as I'm concerned. Anything else just involves being enmeshed in their lives somehow and that's what got us all into trouble in the first place. How y'all going to live well today?
Oct 2 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
MsVulcan500
MsVulcan500's picture

Wholeagain,

I totally agree with you! The less I know about him the better I feel. We all need to take the time to worry about anything but the one person who treated us the worst. Today I am watching some movies, riding my motorcycle and getting ready for my daughter's visit tomorrow. What are you doing?
Oct 2 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Well

I'm working, but it's not busy so a) I'm reading a good book and b) tonight I'm going to dinner and a movie and c) getting ready for my parents' visit tomorrow :) C'mon ladies let's hear what you're doing today that has nothing to do with narcissism and everything to do with celebrating your awesomeness!
Oct 2 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Well, believe it or not, Fri

Well, believe it or not, Fri night i spent putting together my new router and router table so i can learn how to make these special cuts in the wood, for these planters i am making. Was drinking a bottle of wine sitting outside, had the ipod playing and was happy as a clam. Today, spent a few hours hanging out at a garden shop in the city with a friend exhibiting her jewelry. came home and practiced cooking ribs on the Green Egg, i've had for four years and never learned how to use. Tomorrow meeting an old friend for touring and festive day at the oldest cemetery in the city. I love October! And should i say i would never be doing any of these things if the N was still here. almostlydia

almostlydia

Oct 2 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Not worrying

Facebook seems to be a major issue here, with Ns/Ps posting about themselves and their lives. I'm grateful that I know NOTHING about the ex-P's personal life, other than what I read about 9 years ago. His personal life is... a blank. Thank goodness. I no longer feel the need to worry about his happiness. I don't worry about people mocking him. I don't worry about whether or not he is taken "seriously." I've read about how college students have become more narcissistic.. the ex-Psych professor is getting what he's given....lol... When I read about the ex-P's lecture last winter (of '09) I didn't feel the excitement/adrenaline/rush of hormones I used to. Instead, I laughed. I have to agree with the fellow posters here that laughter is a sign of healing...
Oct 2 - 12PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

yea, i agree w/susan. plus

yea, i agree w/susan. plus most women on here will tell you, the best thing is to get to a point where you don't care, anyway. I'm not there yet, i want him to be misserable, for sure.
Oct 2 - 11AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

They do have vulnerabilities

I feel like Princess Leia showing the hologram of the Death Star. They WANT the image of emotionless invulnerability. But they do have weaknesses. NC certainly works. I'm pretty sure the ex-Psychopath professor was ticked when I left town without telling ANYONE. Betty has said that NOTHING hurts a Narc/Psych more than former supply enjoying happiness and success. Without them. I would also say ridicule. The ex-Psych professor hated being ridiculed, despite how he dished it out cruelly on others. Whenever I've broken NC... it's been to taunt him. In the early stages of healing, it's NOT easy to laugh at Narcs/Psychs. You're in too much pain. Helldweller recently posted to me "I hope you laugh at him for the rest of your life." I certainly have.... and the ex-P KNOWS it. I've had some laughs at his expense. I've been fortunate that the ex-P hasn't contacted me for the past decade.
Oct 2 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

it still amazes me that

it still amazes me that even after a decade these Ns remain in your head. It must be true that unrequited love is the sadest most desperate thing in the world.
Oct 2 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

If I told him it was unrequited love...

It would be NS! Something I would NOT want HIM to have! I don't see it as unrequited love. I've fallen in love before... but I got closure early on, and in an honest, compassionate way. I fell in love with a guy named David in high school. He chose my friend over me. He preferred her. Yet we remained friends. Was I disappointed? Yes. But there was CLOSURE. Even after they broke up and he was dating someone else, I didn't feel toyed with. I briefly dated a Buddhist massage therapist in college... we simply drifted apart. No desperation, just... equanimity. It didn't end cruelly. It didn't end with insults and enmity. I was smitten with a vegetarian high school teacher... he was good looking (still is) A silver fox, like Anderson Cooper. He was (and is)living with the creative writing teacher. In a sense, it was unrequited. But it didn't break my heart. He didn't destroy me. He didn't publicly insult me. He treated me with respect... and he was still one of my favorite teachers. Strong in the subjects of politics and journalism. A cool guy. I had a crush on him. Was there desperation? No. I knew he was happy with his hippie chick girlfriend/teacher. So there was closure in that. "Unrequited love is the saddest most desperate thing in the world"-I'd rather say it's the total disrespect, the constant insults, the seesaw of push/pull games, the mind-tricks, THAT is the sad part. NONE of the above men listed acted the way the ex-Psych professor did. NONE of them went out of their way to demean me;NONE of them wanted to see me destroy myself. It's not about the unrequited love, it's about the emotional rape, the violated trust, the total disregard for our feelings. Unrequited love is heartbreaking... but emotional rape is TERRIBLE.
Oct 2 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Used
Used's picture

fooled no longer

everybody i have ever met is still in my head.. when i was told you wont even think of him one day...i said yes i will.. noone in my life is ever forgotton be it good or bad..when she mentioned an exfreind of mine... i said why have you mentioned her.. she said well cos i knew her as well and i said...right so tho you didnt like her ,said she was no good..you have mentioned her, so she must still be in your head...she tried to backtrack.... but its true...who in our life, do we forget.... except passing strangers...