Beware the Holiday Hoover Attack

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#1 Dec 21 - 9PM

Goldie

Beware the Holiday Hoover Attack

It starts off with calls from private number, no message.

Then the calls from PN baby's voice.

Then the call from private number, hello is narc there?

Then the call from unblocked number, hello is narc there? This is Sarah, he told me to call him at this number (my phone number) turns out the number belongs to a local stripper who has a class action law suit against the state for wage infractions.

Then the calls from random number, no message.

Then the texts: I miss your voice.

More calls, no message.

More calls, message, Baby, I've been trying to call you, you have not been answering your phone.

Another call, Hon, it's me, please call me back.

What part of ANY of this is appealing?

NC, NC, NC, NC, NC, NC

Was having the stripper call me supposed to get me jealous and want to talk with him?

Hmmmmm, maybe a long time ago I may have responded with anger, pain, or questions.

Today, Frankly my dear, Narc/Psycho/Addict, I don't give a damn.

God bless,
Goldie

Beware the Holiday Narc Hoover attack; do not respond, he has not changed, and you can do way better than this.

You can love yourself and call a friend or come on here as the phone rings and the texts buzz and let him ring the doorbell all he wants, you don't have to answer.

He is only a movie; turn the channel.

God bless and Happy Narc Free Holidays,

Goldie

#2 Dec 26 - 8AM

Goldie

How are you doing with the Holdiay Hoover

New Years is coming up and this is another time when they get "sappy" it's all only an "act" don't forget. Winter just shared a great example of avoiding the holiday hoover. How are you doing with it? Always remember that sometimes ALL it takes is ONE break in NC around the Holiday's and you can tack on a few more weeks, months, or years on to your ABUSE STORY. DON'T DO IT; it is not worth it. They have NOTHING NEW to say, it's all the same ole same. People do NOT change just because you kick them out or the leave for a short time. When you think that they have; it is YOUR ADDICTION Talking not based on reality. Reality shows us the PD's do NOT change, they do NOT turn loving, and they ALWAYS bring you MORE PAIN. Contact = PAIN. YOUR CHOICE, chose wisely because this is YOUR life; NOT THEIR's. " Your life BELONGS to YOU, YOUR LOVE belongs to who can SEE it." George Harrison God bless and give us ALL the strength and courage to remain NC. Goldie

#3 Dec 22 - 7PM

A Narc Encounter

Thanks Goldie!

I was not here Thanksgiving but made note of FOUR "Unknown Caller" and hang ups. I did not know of the hoover concept then. At least I felt "not" alone. It would hurt if even a psycho who was a recent ex N did not want to call and do that. No I did not call him. Nope, he is afraid of me. I let him have it good the first (and awful) gas lighting attempt. Thanks to this forum. But this XMas I know he is with the women he truly loves! (His MOTHER) so she will be driving him nuts and keeping him busy. I guess my hang ups will come around pre-New Years when he wants out of her house.

#4 Dec 22 - 8PM (Reply to #23)

uk lady

The x and his mother at

The x and his mother at Christmas is a truly wonderous sight to behold. NOT!! Sycophantic fawning over each other to the level where any normal person would want to vomit. Presents galore, back and forth - enough money spent to pay off the national debt. Followed by little squeals of delight from her saying, "Oh, I am such a spoilt/lucky girl". And him saying repeatedly, "Mum, you shouldn't have". God above, what a charade. Because his mother is an alcoholic, an argument would always erupt at some stage and I would inevitably be accused of enabling her too, it was always my fault. The x drinks very little because obviously he always wanted to be in control and gaslight/project everything back at whoever was in the line of fire, usually me. Last Christmas we were at his, I had had recent major surgery so wasn't drinking. Mother drank steadily throughout entire day so was pretty plastered. I decided to make my exit early evening, x took me home. When he got home again, they had a major argument. I was nowhere to be seen and so obviously couldn't take any of the blame. RESULT. Their entire relationship was all about emotional incest. Such a dispicable position to put your child in but it had gone on all his life, she created and enabled it, and he loved it deep down because then he was in total control of the whole sherbang. Initially it wasn't so obvious but as the years went by it began to feel like I was the outsider and she was his partner - truly sickening. So, Mommy Dearest is welcome to him this Christmas and hopefully the new NS will have her eyes opened to the panotime that will become her life with the x and run for the hills before she gets too enmeshed. Thanks for allowing me to get that off my chest. This Christmas will be so much more calmer, peaceful and fun away from the pair of emotional vampires. Dee x

#5 Dec 22 - 7PM

Winter

Thank you Goldie

I was aprehending the holyday hover. Hopefuly, it is not gonna hapen. Your post is so right in time. Yes, Christmas is a magic time and we tend to be softer and forgiving. Thank you for your wonderful reminder. Let's stick all together and not let them to hover us back! Love Winter

#6 Dec 22 - 9AM

Sea

Wow Goldie, your ex narc is

Wow Goldie, your ex narc is such a cruel shit! He got a stripper to call u just before x'mas? Soo bloody mean! Luckily u are strong and have healthy boundaries. He cant get anywhere near your soul. He can just play monkey tricks outside your fence. Sometimes i wonder if i should be thankful that the ex narc did not ever contact me directly? The feeling that he has completely erased me outa his memory is excruciating pain. Hoover or no hoover- narcs are a pain. Wishing everyone a peaceful, narc free xmas. I will have complete peace from exnarc. He's a trainwreck variety, never looking back. The bpd new guy, i need to tell him he is barking up the wrong tree. Sumiko

#7 Dec 22 - 12PM (Reply to #20)

Goldie

Actually his facebook comments were a hoover towards you

He was trying to hurt you with those comments. He is sick and a coward so he plasters his hatred all over facebook. You are better than this Sea, his is a bad man. Simple. This is not nearly as complicated as we make it in our minds. Your thoughts are the mind and bodies way of sorting it all out and healing. I promise you if you keep away from him and no don't respond to him even if he does try in the future, that you will make it to the other side. There will be life after narc for you and I believe it will be a wonderful life for you. God bless and my love to you in your healing, Goldie

#8 Dec 22 - 8AM

wannaletgo22

Holiday hoover

Tricky time of year, I think. Good to be prepared to stick to NC.

#9 Dec 22 - 7AM

Layla

I remember a time...........

...when I truly thought things like this only happened in movies! Boy, was I naive! I was reading down through the comments on this post and I see where you wrote he told you he would "destroy" you......wow, those were exact words from my abuser too...I too am not afraid he will come around either, for fear of going to jail as he is still on probation from when he attacked me...God these idiots, all the same.....these clowns really need to find some original material............... love~ Layla

#10 Dec 22 - 7AM

onwithmylife

hi Goldie

this is so weird and sick about the stripper girlfriend calling you. You are so right i use to think when he tried to hoover he must care for me and miss me, boy has my thinking changed from the 3 years out and the hateful letters he sent to destroy me, you are so right it just makes them angrier and more rageful and he tried his best to destroy ME for knowing who he is, AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN, these assholes do not realize how much stronger we have become. LOVE doesn't even enter the picture in their sick minds, cause we all know they cannot love anyway!!!Robots they all are..It is all a game to them.

#11 Dec 22 - 6AM

Used

dear goldie

I cannot believe THIS DOG HAS DONE THIS TO YOU.... and yet why am I suprized?....How dare he.... Well he has picked on the wrong one hasent he?... I know all you say is true about them wanting to hurt us.... but I think they want to hurt the ones , who I believe GOT THE BETTER OF THEM.... you KICKED THIS SLAG TO THE KERB, HE HASENT GOT OVER IT....LOL....GOOD FOR YOU MY FRIEND...KUDOS TO YOU AS ALWAYS....

#12 Dec 22 - 7AM (Reply to #11)

Goldie

I totally agree with you Used

He is "attempting" to so called "destroy me" his word, because I did get the Last Laugh. He is still him, and I am still me, LOL!!! He took some of my goodness, but he did NOT get the big prize, ME. I was mildly shocked when she called, I googled the number on a private pay service I have and her name popped up and she lives right by where he works and alas, she was all over the newspapers for filing a lawsuit with the state for unfair wages as a YES, you got it, Stripper at the local strip club. I was like, lol, if this weirdo thinks that I am going to get jealous over a STRIPPER, he is nuts. I am not threatened by someone who takes their clothes off for a living. That does not faze me. If anything, I feel sorry for her. She must have been damaged very badly to sell her soul out like this and to call another woman right before Christmas to be apart of these "reindeer games" only shows me that she is just as sick as he is. WHO DOES THIS?? No one I know would do something like this, it's just downright mean. WHY would I EVER want a man in my life who is MEAN, SELFISH, CRUEL, ANGRY, PETTY, PORNO/DRUG ADDICTED, SEXUAL DEVIANT ect? Never mind whether or not they want us; WE DON'T WANT THEM!!! This is when the healing is just about complete. When we look at them and say: "What was I thinking?" This person is bad, badnews, and I don't want this element in MY life, this seedy, sleezy, porno, spiritually devoid, FREAK in MY LIFE. This is where we need to get to in order to GET IT and GET OUT!!! The STEPS are the KEY. They work if you work them! STRENGTH to my sisters and brothers in recovery. Love you USED! God bless, Goldie

#13 Dec 22 - 7PM (Reply to #14)

A Narc Encounter

A Stripper is The Only One Who WOULD do it

Think about it. The only person who would go along with that and have zero life over the holidays is a stripper. He felt that would give him some power-in an odd way. He has no other edge. Your gorgeous, just saw your photo. I just read the NarcSpeak page-or something like that. I LOVE this one: N Q: What is with the flannel pajamas? Why don't you want to look good for me? N translation: I am only turned on by whores, strippers, prostitues and porn. I have a raging Madonna/Whore Complex. Because you are good and sweet to me, you have become sexless in my eyes.

#14 Dec 23 - 6AM (Reply to #15)

Goldie

Thank you NE

You are right. He is pathetic with this move. People living in darkness have to find others living in darkness in order to thrive. They try to take down the good ones to their level and when their efforts are unsucessful they turn back to their own kind. Many of the strippers who I have worked with or met over the years suffered from severe damage and self esteem issues as well, so there you go. Perhaps she does not like women because she does not like herself, so trying to hurt another woman around the holidays was no big deal to her. What a dark seedy journey he is on; looking for validation, support, and connectedness in strip clubs is an empty shallow hollow existance. I did not hate my X narc or wish him any ill will, however, now I only feel pity for him and his "new friends" because I would not want to be a party to that lifestyle for anyone. This is something that we don't talk about on here often but the truth of the matter is that when you are with a pervert, sex addict, drug addict, freak, who expects you to play the whore in order for them to get satified, they are dragging you down and sucking you in to their devil's den and no wonder so many come on here in a complete state of confusion and pain. You have been selling a little bit of your soul to the devil each day and it takes time to begin to feel good about yourself again. We DO NOT have to do anything we don't feel comfortable with in order to try to KEEP or SECURE a man. Once you cross over that line, you don't really have them anyway; they have you. Take the time to heal, take the time to forgive yourself for "making a mistake" because that's all it was. A big mistake and as the healing takes place and you begin to love yourself again it will become evident that this horrible experience was often the catylist to propel us to an even deeper understanding of ourselves and what is going on out there for many and a chance to reinvent our entire lives. There is life after a PD and in most cases it turns out to be a much better life than ever. I appreciate the good in my life today on a far deeper level than ever. I am grateful for the people I do know and meet who are not a part of this insane, sick, seedy side of life. I'm all set!! God bless, Goldie

#15 Dec 22 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

Lisa87

So sorry Goldie, what a

So sorry Goldie, what a sicko!! I'm happy most likely won't get a hoover this year as he used up all his ammo lol. On a happier note, we are planning a Boston (or near Boston) get together in January. Will throw out some dates next week and we were thinking Quincy/Braintree area (you are on Cape?). Will send out a note and we can PM, there are 3-4 of us interested so far. Can't wait to hopefully meet in person! Merry Xmas, god bless Lisa

#16 Dec 22 - 1PM (Reply to #13)

Goldie

Sounds like a great plan

Yes, I grew up on the Cape. I am about 45 minutes to Boston now. Let me know. God bless, Goldie

#17 Dec 21 - 11PM

uk lady

Message received Oh Mighty One

Big thank you Goldie. Yes, during our 5 years apart whilst he was in a relationship that I knew nothing about, the x used to send me a sweet little text every Xmas Eve at roughly 6pm. I somehow feel that that won't be happening this year because when I D&D him I called him out on absolutely everything I had discovered about his lying, cheating blah, blah, blah all down the years. They only ever come back if they feel they still have a chance of NS. He so knows he doesn't now so his silence will be much appreciated. And God forbid, if he does try it then the stony silence of NC will be his gift from me. God bless. Dee x

#18 Dec 22 - 5AM (Reply to #7)

Goldie

You would think this wouldn't you UKLady?

Yes, you would think that they will not hoover because you "called him out" on everything, yet if you are dealing with a psychopathic/narc, all bets of reasonable thinking are off. This has not been my experience though, the MORE they have been called out and D&D; the MORE they want to screw with you, so if you are dealing with a psychopathic/narc who gets off on causing you pain, then he'll be hoovering. The holidays, birthdays, any times of sentimentality for us, are their playtimes. This guy I am referring to in my post had previously ACTUALLY SAID: "I know that if I was sleeping with someone else, it would DESTROY YOU." The relationship is over and STILL he wants to try and hurt me by having a stripper call my house and ask for him. Her exact words were: "He told me to call him at this number (my phone number)." 5 days before Christmas and HE KNOWS that I am alone here with no family, so he is intentionally trying to hurt me and stick it to me because he no longer can control me, no longer lives in my house, and I will no longer play his games. It usually takes us a long time to wrap our brain around just how sick they are, that they are NOT hoovering because they love and want us. They are hoovering because they are sick, screwing with our heads, and getting off on causing another feeling human being pain. Yes, with a classic narc it may be about supply; with a psychopath it goes deeper than that. You are supply as an emotional whipping post, if you allow this and feed in to it on ANY LEVEL. This is the nature of the psychopathic/narc. They enjoy seeing you hurt, they like the hunt/the game of sucking you in and then spitting you out. They are very good at what they do. This can go on for years if you allow it. They do what they think will hurt you the most, they hit below the belt, they go for your vulnerable spots and this has nothing to do with YOU, this is all about old deep seated distrubances which LIE in them. They have a desire to hurt and payback women for some real or imagined damage done to them and we are mearly a pawn for them to channel their hatred and sickness. Seriously, WHO has a stripper call the Xgirlfriends house 5 days before Christmas? Doesn't say much about her either. I guess she is his next victim. This time he may get what he deserves because he has no idea how protected these strippers are by their employers, if he starts playing his "reindeer games" with her, he just may wind up in more trouble than he ever bargained for. Not my problem. If he thought that this was going to faze me, he is nuts. I no longer want the SEEDY element in my life. It is a STARK contrast to the rest of my life which is love, goodness, and moving forward. The only way to deal with the Holiday Hoover is NC, they are NOT NOT NOT coming back because they miss you or love you. This is the Holiday Attack to pay you back for no longer allowing them to control and manipulate you and your emotions. They do not feel so they feed on your emotions. All narcs are not psychopaths. Psychopaths are narcs, so with a psychopath you get the full throttle of pain, abuse, and destruction. Just remember this when you are being hoovered by the psychopathic narc. There is NOTHING there for you, he is only a shell; trying to use you again as prey to feed from. Let them go, they do not change, they do not care about your feelings, and they are coming back to hurt you. Enjoy your Holidays as best you can and call a friend, call a forum member, journal, leave the phone in the house, and get out if this persists. There is no new information, they have nothing to tell you. God bless, Goldie

#19 Dec 22 - 5AM (Reply to #8)

uk lady

OMG Goldie

Words fail me. You ensure that everything is secure if you are home alone for the holidays. I am too and will be doubly checking everything now. Even bought myself a new mobile phone yesterday and was going to transfer my original number but am so not going to do that now. I am resolute in maintaining NC. Thanks again and be safe. Dee x

#20 Dec 22 - 6AM (Reply to #9)

Goldie

Thanks Dee

I am not afraid that he will come over here and try to hurt me, he is afraid of going back to jail from his prior bad actions, so that is not going to happen. I blocked his new phone number from my cell and my home phone online, so he cannot get through. This story clearly illistrates how sick they are and how unhealthy we were to put up with it in the past. I take full responsibility now for allowing this element to continue in my life in the past. There was a day when I got off on his hoovering. No more, I fully grasp what he is today. He brings nothing to my table and I love myself enough today to know that this has NOTHING to do with me and my lackings; this is ALL about what is lacking in him. This is my Holiday wish and prayer for all of us, that we get to the point where we do not get excited when they try to contact us, that we repell these contacts, and love ourselves enough to no longer crave the attention, excitement, and drama of these sick people. Change begins with US, we cannot control the actions of another, only how we react to these actions. God bless, Goldie

#21 Dec 21 - 9PM

greengirl91

YES, it`s true, "mine" is

YES, it`s true, "mine" is more active than ever, Hooverings for everyone who wishes, triangulation, targets, hooverings, switches from day to day, ow, all the package!!.. If someone is gonna be used or discarded this Christmas, it`s not gonna be me.

#22 Dec 22 - 4AM (Reply to #2)

Goldie

Greengirl91

"If someone is gonna be used or discarded this Christmas, it`s not gonna be me." This is it. They have NO shame. Just because it is Christmas DOES NOT mean that they have had a change of heart. What heart? It will be more of the same as soon as they receive what they want. I love this statement you made. Very empowering!! Keep up the good work and have a very Merry Narcfree Christmas. God bless, Goldie

#23 Dec 22 - 10PM (Reply to #5)

greengirl91

Exactly, WHAT HEART? Thank

Exactly, WHAT HEART? Thank you Goldie! I`m not going back. Hugs!

#24 Dec 22 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

Redhead1

I just learned there are

I just learned there are applications on phones where someone can call your phone using the app and the number on your caller id is a fake one. The caller can make it look like the call is from another number. Thats pretty creepy.

#25 Dec 22 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Goldie

WOW redhead

I never thought of that one, very creepy. Just some more food for thought as to the depths of hell they can sink. God bless, Goldie

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