Big mistake

Gave me reinforcement to NOT DO THIS with my Narc. I would not even think of it with all recent revelations around here. Don't feel badly about it. A lot of people go back to people after a break up, narc or not. It is pretty common. If you know this is pretty much done with, then don't prolong it and suffer more than you have already. Find a nice person to sleep with who treats you well and is not ill.

This is part of the recovery-from-a-N experience. Hoovering. They suck you back in like a vacuum cleaner into the black hole which drains you of your emotions and self-respect. And, everytime they hoover you -- the D&D comes faster & is more brutal. Suggestion? Perhaps you should change your phone number? Then she couldn't contact you? Change your e-mail. Only a suggestion. May not be possible. Also, I like the note of when you called her on what she was doing . . . you sensed she was going to be enraged. One has to accept & even applaud every bad act committed. Therefore reinforce bad behavior. So in the end, the victim ends up encouraging & rewarding the abusive behavior. The victim facilitates & encourages her own abuse. This is the meaning of a pathological relationship. Everything is so twisted & folding back in on itself.

Oh Rose my dear friend, I really feel for you right now. I did this very thing. I had to go back to see all of the destructive narc behaviors in action to validate my suspicions. Round two was awful but round three is a nightmare! I hope you never have to see or feel that luv. You got everything and more of what you needed to prove on this last go around. Dont beat yourself up cuz we all have been there and done that. You see the true colors now. I know it hurts but you know that your not at fault and this is a disorder that you can not combat. It is out of your control and there is only one thing you can change and that is within yourself. You never have to be someone elses doormat again. You have the power today because you have knowledge. You have been given a gift. And it is a precious one. Utilize it, cherish it and put it to good use as it was intended. Your doormat days are gone now. Its a new beginning and you are on the right path. And there is only one way to go...Im sure you have figured out by now what that is. Lots of Love Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

She basically tells you all she wants you for is drunken sex and then when you clarify this with her, she blows her top :D Oh lordie, are they predictable or what?? Really. How DARE you call a spade a spade? You are SUPPOSED to sit there and nod your head and drool (that's how Narcs prefer us, ever so much more easy to control). If nothing else, her CONTEMPT for you is crystal clear. That's the thing about Narcs. We (their lovers) end up taking this personally. Is there something about ME causing her to feel such contempt for me? What have I done wrong? Why am I so disgusting :( ??? Narcs (by definition) feel contempt for EVERYONE. That is the bedrock nature of their disorder, NPD. I'd never ever encourage anyone to go meet up with their Narc in order to get a good view of the bullet they just dodged. I'd only point out AFTER the fact that there was SOME good to be had. It does not necessarily mitigate the inevitable BAD that comes with any contact. It's like encouraging someone to play Russian Roulette. There may only be ONE bullet in the chamber, but you gals have been through SO much already that I just want you to have NO more pain b/c of these wastes of human space. Take what you get :) USE this awareness. She is showing you who she is and you are seeing it. Now for the NEXT time she sends you a flurry of texts . . . ? You are leaving a door open for her to come in. Even if you ignore them, her words are getting to you. It's like leaving a window open beneath a hive of hornets and then cooking up a nice big pan of bacon. You are ASKING for them to come in, that's what hornets DO. Leaving a door open to a Narc is as much as inviting them in to sting you and leave you full of lumps and pain. From my perspective, three and a half years out, there is NO good reason to do this. Which is why all the pounding of the No Contact drum :) Thanks for sharing this excellent example of how a Narc tells you exactly who they are :)

Now, pick yourself up and delete, delete, delete,. I swear they all say the same thing. I'm soo sorry. You now have closure, be strong. Don't make the same mistake twice. It's only taken me 25 years to figure out my N. You are better than to be treated like that. NC is very important. Get a calendar and mark off the days that pass. I promise it will be ok. I still feel bad from time to time , it's not as bad as the D&D abuse. If you havnt already find a thearpist. They are around for a reason. I see mine Wed and I cant wait. Briseis will be by soon to help. Hang in there. Oxox