Birthday

Well, yesterday, Thanksgiving, was my birthday, and I spent most of the morning crying because my narcissist "ex" didn't tell me Happy Birthday. I knew he wouldn't, but I guess secretly I hoped he would. And I know he knew it was my birthday, because we were only born 6 days apart.

I cried mainly because I was allowing him to make me upset, and to make me feel worthless in his eyes. And I know narcissist's do that, they intentionally want you to feel worthless. I just kept going over and over in my head, what happened? What did I do to make him not want to talk to me?

I'm one of the lucky ones because my "relationship" with him only dates back to the end of March. But about every two months when he got too close for comfort, he would throw me aside. The first time it was because he started seeing someone else, the second time we mutually agreed because we were fighting daily (mainly because of his mind games) then about 4 weeks ago I told him to leave me alone until I'm ready to talk because I started to see someone else, and he said he'd never call again. Then I tried talking to him about 5 days later, and he never responded to my texts or calls, and he's never done that.

But I know he wanted to just do what he did the first time we "split" which was keep me hanging on by scraps of his attention, then when he's tired of the others in his life, come back to me. And when I took him back the first time, I promised myself I'd never let him do that again. And the second time we stopped talking, he said "I'm too selfish at this point in my life to give you what you deserve, but maybe one day I can be the man you need" in other words, "I'm tired of fighting with you, so I'm going to go do my own thing, and I want you to sit and wait for me like last time".

Now he doesn't want anything to do with me, all because I said I was seeing someone else. Now he knows he can't have that control over me and that angered him. But anyways, I was just very upset I let him get to me, and that I let myself cry on my own birthday, over someone who treated me like dirt.