Block him. Do it. Do it now.

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#1 Jan 5 - 7PM
Samantha's picture

Block him. Do it. Do it now.

Hey, everyone:

I've seen a lot of posts from people who write about still seeing the exN online or on Facebook. One of the hardest emotional steps we can take is to click that button to delete or block them from having electronic access to us, but it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.

My exN blocked me on Facebook a couple months ago, when his wife found out about our affair. I remember at the time he told me, "I doubt it will be forever. We can probably have contact again in six months." I laughed and said, "Oh yeah, I'm sure this will all blow over and all of us will get together for a big laugh." (He truly thought he'd manipulate his wife enough that our affair wouldn't be a big deal.)

So although I haven't seen the Jerk on Facebook since October, I admit I would still go to his wife's page. Her permissions are semi-tight but I could still see her profile pic. I can't tell you how much of my life I spent reading the tea leaves of what her new profile pictures meant. When it was of her with the Jerk I made myself miserable, picturing them completely happy and skipping through life while I tried to pick up the pieces of my own marriage. When she changed it to a picture of her and their son (the Jerk not included) it made me smile because surely that means they're on the rocks and she's going to take him for half of everything!

Then last night I realized that this is just self-torture. What I want most out of life right now is to not have anything to do with either one of them or their completely dysfunctional marriage, yet here I was trying to gauge their happiness through a photo.

Today is the day I shut down that self-destructive behavior. This afternoon I blocked his wife. I can no longer see her and she cannot see me (I was told that she would sometimes look at my page too.)

It was a hard button to push, but once I did it I felt like a load of bricks was off my chest. I logged into this site from work to tell you all to do it too. Seriously - give yourself back some sanity.

Respond back if you block him! Let's get this going!

Jan 6 - 1PM
prettypeeved's picture


Not on Facebook, but on another site we both frequent. I began to realise that every time I saw his ugly little face having a good old banter with someone it made me feel so ANGRY. There's this feeling inside that it's not FAIR and that it's not justice. I feel he should be slinking about and feeling ashamed, and to see him act as if nothing happened and that it clearly has absolutely no meaning to him, that he just doesn't care, just kept riling me up. A few days ago I blocked him partially, now I've completely blocked him. It was hard to do, but already I'm feeling better for it.
Jan 6 - 9AM
really's picture

Blocked = Peace of

Blocked = Peace of Mind. Can't put a price on your sanity. I hated to do it, too, but it's been months now and I haven't regretted it. Sometimes I think of unblocking him "just to see", but then I remember how far I've come and don't want to undo any of that. Remember what it was like to question EVERYTHING he did?!?!?! It's the same if left unblocked. Why HASN'T he tried to call/post? Why HAS he called/posted? What did someone else post that he commented on that MIGHT mean something? The questions are brutal!!! Remember, none of this has anything to do with you as a person. It's all about attention. Don't live waiting for his next move. You really don't need to know. You really don't want to know. He's nothing. Don't give him that place in your life.
Jan 6 - 9AM
mystwoman's picture

It was a hard button for me

It was a hard button for me to push at first, too. I was constantly flooded with pictures of xnh and/or his entire family whenever I got onto Facebook right after the D&D. I knew what the whole bunch of them were saying and doing whether I wanted to know or not (and I didn't). I'd been having my friends tell me, "You really don't need to see this crap" whenever I got upset about something I'd seen. The final blow was one morning when right there in the top of my news feed were these pictures of xnh all cuddled up with OW on a blanket at his family picnic. It had been three weeks since the D&D. We weren't even divorced yet. I had to mentally shake myself and ask, "Why ARE you keeping him on your friends list?. Xnh is NOT your friend." When I realized the reason was that that I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I thought, "You're worried about hurting HIS feelings? He's dumped you after 16 years and he's posting pictures of himself cheating right in your face. Who CARES about his "feelings?" At that point, I went, "click, click, click". I unfriended and blocked xnh, his entire family, and OW just to make sure I didn't have to see anything ever again. My friends are so right. I really don't need to see this crap.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Jan 6 - 6AM
Disillusionedx2's picture

Right on target....

Samantha, Good for you! It is definitely torture in that behavoir, I experienced the same but not with FB. He had a phone on my account which I allowed him to keep and continue using, I was able to see the people he spoke with and for how long. It was very heart wrenching to see that he was spending a great deal of time talking with an X that he claimed he would never be with again....lie! In fact, they were involved again, speaking on my phone that I paid the bill for. It was unreal that I actually allowed it. I finally had an awakening and had the phone service transferred to another phone, no warning to him, I haven't looked back, no more of that non-sense, great post, thanks and best wishes. stay~striving


Jan 6 - 6AM
Bodhi's picture

Right on!

Love this post and can totally relate to all the comments. I had it pretty bad and was even checking out his amazon wishlist on a daily basis. I couldn't break the addiction. By engaging in this behavior, I was essentially still in a "relationship" with him. More than a year after we stopped communicating completely, he randomly started trashing me on his blog again while also telling the world how wonderful his new victim was. This was the turning point for me, but I had to get really really hurt to break this terrible cycle. (although, it was funny at the same time because he's clearly nuts!) It's been three years since the relationship ended, and about a year and a half since I have looked at ANYTHING on the internet related to him. He's blocked on FB, same with some of his friends, and it really sped up my recovery. I had been at rock bottom and thought I would never shake the pain... but he's turning into a distant memory (or should I say nightmare). Samantha... you are totally right... it is self torture. I had zero self esteem at that point and didn't feel like I was worth taking care of myself. This can be a really hard habit to shake in recovery. But I would say to those still in it, to keep trying and keep making steps toward this direction.
Jan 6 - 12AM
Ava's picture

Samantha - you are SO very right!

I'm not on FB & neither is the ex, but I used to engage in a whole pile of self-torture, keeping our joint email account open & checking it every day [several times!], reading his horoscopes, googling him & his new woman, trying to find out news through grapevine. Like with many other things, I was obsessed! But when I finally stopped doing it, shut down the email, stopped reading his stupidy horoscopes etc, it was f**king wonderful!! As you say, like a huge load of bricks off the chest. I think its one of the biggest steps, biggest signs that we're breaking the spell of the narc when we're able to do this. I am SO happy for you!! Yay!! Congratulations!! :) Ava xxxo


Jan 5 - 10PM
Jewwell's picture

Feel FREE after blocking

I was obsessed with checking his phone usage instead of FB. The last time I checked was 9/8/09 and it has saved me from so much anguish -- I used to see who he called and when -- and I wondered why he was calling them and not me! It was SICK!! One time I was at a baby shower for my niece about 75 miles from my home & I was SO CURIOUS about what he was up to that I stopped at a Costco to see if they had internet access...I know, it was CRAZy!!!!
Jan 6 - 3AM (Reply to #2)
hedidntbreakme's picture

Hedidntbreakme totally

Hedidntbreakme totally understand
Jan 6 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
JRB123's picture


I was the victim of a cyberpath type personality and the whole thing started and happened on FB. When the D&D thing happened I stayed 'friends' with him but it was torture, always looking and trying to suss out who his next victim was, analysing everything. I unfriended him a few weeks ago and it's been hard. I really miss seeing what he's up to. However for my sanity and for the sake of moving on I know it is the best thing and to be honest with each day it's getting easier and easier. Soon he will be nothing more than a bad memory I hope. I like to have real friends on FB and he certainly isn't one of those! Also I was finding myself going off line to avoid him on chat and every time I posted my status he seemed to post something on his wall too at the same time. It was too freaky and made me edgy. Now FB is a much more comfortable place again!