The Breakup

Mine always said "don't start" too. But, just like yours, his favorite was "I'm not going to do this with you". Grrrr. Just reading those words brings back those feelings. They were said to me so often. I swear if another man EVER says those words to me again I will inflict serious bodily damage. The god who lives in your pants-loved that!

I am sorry that happened to you owml, it's hard for me to comprehend that level of selfishness; I have always been a kindhearted, giving person. For fathers day I purchased N a portrait package for he and his children, he has quite a few I won't say how many, lol, I purchased the clothing, shoes, props and all for the shoot. It was a costly venture, when the pix came back, I delivered to him. I asked for one, he says he couldn't give me one he needed to give them to his family and friends, I was floored. In order to have one I had to go and order my own, more money, by the time I did get them I didn't want them, I gave them to him as well. I did have one of him alone, I tore it up and tossed it in the trash, lol. They do have break downs but it has to be something drastic to get them into a therapeutic setting and even then the prospect of any improvement is slim to none. I just look at N and all of the energy he exerts in the simplest of task, it wears me out just watching him,they are "wired" ssa sdrawkcab (ass backwards) lol. They are perpetually SOS=Stuck On Stupid, the only person we will ever know that would go to the Wizard of Oz and need courage, heart and a brain, lions, tigers & a N oh my.....run.

When I left New Mexico, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell the professors whom I TRUSTED because I think the ex-Psych would've gotten dangerous if he knew I was leaving. He had known about me being in the teacher education program (which he sabotaged)... but I didn't give my address or phone number. I'm sure it went over well when I sent some nice cards from Oregon to all of my professors.... except him. The D&D was very public and vicious (yes, he hoovered me after I met his fiancee)... but I topped it with my disappearing act. That's how I treated the professor who'd say "Don't hang up on me!"

"They HAVE to abandon you first." You got that absolutely right. It's all about control to them. To this day, I suspect that it annoys the snot out of my xnh, that HE came back to D&D that night (while wanting to stay at the same time). However, it was ME that filed the divorce papers the next day, and went through with it. I was simply done with his b.s. His telling me that he didn't love me was the final straw. It was OVER. My xnh is so conflicted and wanting to control everything that well after the divorce was final, I had generously allowed him to take a plastic shed from the backyard to which he legally had no right (I owned my house well BEFORE I knew nxh). I had told him to come get it at a time when I knew I wouldn't be home so I didn't have to deal with him. He then SITS on my property waiting for me until I finally arrived home so that he could tear into me because I had changed the locks on my house. I GAVE him a shed to be nice, and HE's pissed because the house keys (that he'd refused to return to me) no longer fit the locks? His comment was, "You must think I'm a real A$$hole. Why did you change your locks? I wanted to go inside to get a drink." WTF?? We're legally divorced, for crying out loud. He doesn't LIVE there. I just looked at him and said, "It's my property. I can do whatever I want. Obviously you tried to use MY old house keys to get into somewhere that you weren't supposed to go." Then I walked into the house and locked the door behind me. He stood around by his truck for a while and then finally left. Hopefully the mosquitoes ate him alive while he stood there. As a matter of fact, I DO think he's a real a$$hole. The funny part to all of this is that the NEXT morning his walks into my office, and slams the worthless house keys onto my desk. I guess he really told ME off by returning my keys...finally, huh? rofl.

i "abandoned both my exh and narc... but i admit i planned it.. i was fed up with the crap and i am going to tell it like it realy was.....confession time... after mnths of making my exh feel so special.... i then told him to go i wanted a divorce...with narc after his ow[well one of them lol] came and told me about their relationship.... he begged me not to believe her and i said ok no problem... i made him feel so special and forgiven... then finished with him...saying to him....YOU DONT OWN ME YOU DONT CONTROL ME ITS OVER i never looked back.....and yes they both had breakdowns..... i was as cruel to them as they had been to me ...... i knew what would hurt them most so.... i became the actor after all i had good teachers didnt i?

The first time we broke up we had just had sex .. well he rolled me over in my sleep and did the deed (it was a beautiful moment lol)He then said "i dont love you , i think we should break up and then was suprised that i didnt want to spend the rest of the day with him ... WTF .. When i think of all the times we broke up and that was 6 in total they where always when he had done or said something so horrible i got so mad that i tryed to show my anger and put a boundry up and he would end the relationship . The last time we broke up and it was me really doing the breaking up that time although i didnt really feel like it was me but i had decided to go nc because this board told me to and i was ready to listern , so i was not aswering his calls , he turns up at my mums house and texts me saying "im out side youre mums house sorry for being a dick " .. i stupidly aswered because the last thing i wanted was my mum involved and he knew that , so i went to get him and i brought him back to my house where he tryed to hug me , he senced my hostility and procceded to dump me ... what a pile of pants .I have to remember it was me going no contact that caused this , i was the one to end it , i am the one who refused to see him when he hovered , i ended it but i still feel like i have been dumped ... how do they do it ? how can they twist reality so we feel discarded when we discarded them .. its a mystery .

He did the same. i wasnt married to him...but he wants the girl friend experience but not woe up to accepting me as his girlfriend. He dumps me....i said i am moving out....he cries and cries asking me not to move out....after a huge effort on my side (despite he increasing his charm) i moved out...he still keeps talking about going places with me...gets mad if i refuse him to fix my car or anything for that matter.. I spent money on him too....i dont know what to take of it....i can only take that i was duped.

Sounds familiar. The exN never really wanted to break up he just wanted time off to pursue whatever was on the menu this week. But never wanted to break up and still wanted to get married. Geesh. almostlydia