can i say something about my N's crazy worshipper - his Mother?

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#1 Oct 27 - 9PM

staystrong.10.10

can i say something about my N's crazy worshipper - his Mother?

i realized all my exN's Exs (his ex-wife, ex-Gfriends) all left him-he made them(including me). But he always had his mother around him, worship him like a mad woman.

I believe this all started when he was very very young. she never pointed out his problems, the mistakes he made. in her eyes, he is always a perfect human being.

During our relationship, i learned that he cheated on his ex-wife w other women. however, his mother told me that she's one who's changed in the relationship. she didn't understand why she would leave him.

My ex has a son with one of his ex girlfriends. I made a comment one day saying that the son is a very handsome boy. The mother said to me,"of course, just look at his father!"

We were watching Avatar one day, I said that the animation was amazing and the set was brilliant! the mother turn around and said to him,"oh A (his name), you can totally do this! you are so creative!" i mean, come on! He can even use a MAC!

When he was arrested for DWI, his mother never said anything to him about drunk driving. however, later on, when we were in the car when he was driving, she says,"oh, all those cops are just out looking for people to arrest for no reason!" i mean - WHAT???

one time we had an argument, we were both upset. the mother said to me, "if you really love him, you shouldn't make him upset!" - what about my feelings!!!????

there was a period of time his parents spent a few weeks with us. there were few weeknights we watched late night movies. she was upset that we stayed up too late. she said to me "if you really love him, you shouldn't have him stay up later than 10pm!" - WHAT??? HE'S 43-Year-Old!!!!

I can list so many crazy stories, crazy comments from his mother. OR MAYBE IS IT ME BEING TOO SENSITIVE?? anybody experienced similar situation?

Sorry for this pretty long post.

xoxo

#2 Oct 28 - 5PM

Susan32

"My heart belongs to Daddy"

The ex-Psych professor practically worshipped his father... and is the case with psychopaths, admiration is mixed with contempt and envy. When I heard the ex-P's father on the radio, I was quite admiring. The father could hold a normal conversation, listen to the interviewer... of course, the ex-P got all jealous and claimed he was SMARTER than his scientist Dad because HE was a philosopher! The last I heard, he was palling around with his father. It's like the ex-P is a professor because his father is (or was) one. I think he was more Daddy enmeshed than Mommy enmeshed. IMHO, I think the ex-P's neurological problems were organic (so to speak) rather than the result of bad upbringing. The inability to dream is a problem with the brain. My Narc grandmother and my former Narc boss could appreciate music;the ex-P couldn't. The ex-P's parents put him in an insane asylum due to his cold, eerie lack of emotions;not what "biggest fans" would do.

#3 Oct 28 - 5PM

onwithmylife

staystrong

Mine was 17 years younger than his older brother, so he cam along out of the blue and he told me once he was not wanted inituially, his mother wanted a girl, having already had a son, so my guess is she overcompensated for her desire and spoiled him rotten and keep in mind"abandonment " does NOT necessarily mean real abandonment, it can also mean abandonment of his true self and THAT is what i believe happen to him .I never met her, she was very ill by the time we got together, but he once said she would have liked me and he ahd photos of her everyone and never one of me so that tells you volumes, something strange happen between the two of them almost like emotional incest but since I was not privy, i just do not know. but something interesting happened years ago, his first wife told me, and my EXN and his mother were down in the basement and when they both came up, she was red across the cheek, like he had slapped her... very strange though.....

#4 Oct 28 - 5PM (Reply to #32)

staystrong.10.10

thanks for clarifying

thanks for clarifying the definition of "abandonment" in this case onwithmylife. It makes sense to me now. It is very disturbing on that story about your exn and his mother... no matter how much my exN's mother worships him, he still screams and yells at her. then, tells me he feels bad to do so and yet never really apologize to her. only their mothers can tolerant their acts.

#5 Oct 28 - 5PM (Reply to #33)

onwithmylife

staystrong

the example of your EXN treatment of his mother, he may be raging at her for all the damage she did to his psyche of his true self, which he has suppressed. These men are FROZEN at the ago a a young toddler, which is about 2 years old. I now realize after 15 freaking years that all the RAGE he directed at me should have been directed as his mother,may she now rest in peace.................but if she only knew the damage she did to the man......

#6 Oct 28 - 6PM (Reply to #34)

staystrong.10.10

I need to digest that

I need to digest that, what you said.... i really can't imagine how their brain functions... I think i need to read / research more on this topic. Thank you for the info!! it's pretty deep. xox

#7 Oct 28 - 1PM

wthellwasithinking

CRYPT KEEPER

Same mil I had! Omgosh, you saying she told you to go to bed earlier...makes me shiver down my spine. My XNH worked weird hours so she would tell me, "Oh, my baby is working sooooo hard for you. When he gets home at 5pm from a long shift you should go to bed with him at 5:30 no matter if you're sleepy or not. This is your duty..." What a crock of shit. I would "get in trouble" for staying up watching tv all the time...to the point he would come in and turn it off in the middle of my show!! How childish is that? His mother would do the same thing to me...in MY house! Also, she would tell me that MTV was the devil and criticize everything I watched unless it was Tammy Faye. In my opinion, my X and his mother had some weird Oedipus Rex relationship (along with his sister)...they totally "needed" him to do every little Honey-Do on their list (mind you, they had husbands themselves)and if he didn't have time, then they would "punish" him and not speak for weeks on end. It was/is still disgusting. You're not sensitive...you just look at them and see how fucked up they really are. * My name is Davy Jones * Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out... Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME! Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut out your heart?

* My name is Davy Jones *
Will Turner: You loved her. She's the one, then you cut your heart out...
Davy Jones: [tentacles bristling with rage] No... she PRETENDED to love me! SHE betrayed ME!
Will Turner: And after which betrayal did you cut

#8 Oct 28 - 3PM (Reply to #30)

staystrong.10.10

wthellwasithinking

Tammy faye... heehee that's really funny.. so wtf!? they are all the same! Tha's your "duty"????? we are not MAIL ORDER BRIDES here!!!! WTF!!!!!

#9 Oct 28 - 12PM

chickon2

Giiirl please you are not

Giiirl please you are not being to sensitive.. ENMESHMENT mother enmeshed men... emotional incest. these mother treat their sons, in "pseudo husband", "he can do no wrong" gross ways.. They have no idea the harm they have done... http://www.sexualhealth-addiction.com/template.php?pid=123

#10 Oct 28 - 3PM (Reply to #27)

staystrong.10.10

OMG Chickon!!

OMG Chickon!!! i am "ANN" in that story!!!! I've even had the same conversation... It makes sense, total sense!! Thank you thank you and thank you for the link!!!! xoxoxo

#11 Oct 28 - 5PM (Reply to #28)

chickon2

The man that wrote that

The man that wrote that book, said most mother enmeshed men become narcs or have Dep PD... yeah I think our actors have both.. I pray, that I am such a different mom to my son.. Sometimes I think the Narc coming into my life, was so I can lean a lesson about raising my own son.. Oh abd BTW.. Kick boxing.. YEAH GIRL.. I have pink boxing gloves.... wahooo

#12 Oct 28 - 11AM

ShaynasMommy

"OR MAYBE IS IT ME BEING TOO

"OR MAYBE IS IT ME BEING TOO SENSITIVE??" OMG, I hope you are being sarcastic with that one. NO, YOU ARE NOT being too sensitive. She's a fruit basket. She needs to get a life. She's a fuckin' stepford wife, from the sound of it. This post really made me giggle. My Ex N's mom was nuts too, but she was too damn selfish to be his biggest fan.

#13 Oct 28 - 3PM (Reply to #25)

staystrong.10.10

ShaynasMommy

Ok ShaynasMommy ;) noted, I'm not too sensitive. thank you for the confirmation!!! I think without anyone and he's not going to have his mommy forever, he's really going to lose it!! hahaha xo

#14 Oct 28 - 11AM

hooklineandsinker

NO IT IS NOT JUST YOU. Why

NO IT IS NOT JUST YOU. Why didn't she just take him straight home and put him back in the damn nursery? Is what I would have said to her.

#15 Oct 28 - 3PM (Reply to #23)

staystrong.10.10

oh my,

Trust me, if she could, if the society allows her, she would! i wish I actually thought about that (what you said - put him back in damn nursery) and said that in her face! That wld make me feel sooo good! xo

#16 Oct 28 - 9AM

mystwoman

Oh yes. Your xmil could be

Oh yes. Your xmil could be a clone to both of my xmil's. I'm apparently a slow learner and married narcs twice. My sister once told my first xnh, "You're not titty broke yet, are you?". It pissed my first nxh off completely, but the truth is that she hit the nail on the head. lol.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#17 Oct 28 - 4PM (Reply to #21)

staystrong.10.10

clones!

mystwoman, that's is the right word to describe them, they are all clones!! b/c they are so not original! they mimic everything they do!!!

#18 Oct 28 - 9AM

Janet

The post "To a T" by Chickon

The post "To a T" by Chickon hits on this. Yep. Peace. J

Peace. J

#19 Oct 28 - 9AM (Reply to #19)

staystrong.10.10

Janet!!

thanks for reminding me on this one! i have to read that article!

#20 Oct 28 - 6AM

onwithmylife

for stay strong

Take a look at a book called Narcissistic lovers by Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble and you will see what a MAJOR influence the mother has ion these men as little boys growing up and she herself may be a narcissist, I do not know obviously but i am just saying. My EN's father, from what i gather, did not have much influence over him and deferred a lot to his wife. My EXN of 15 years, mother was a narcissist, I only know from his first wife, whom i am good friends with. His brother told me years ago that their mother spoiled and doted on him a la Dr. Spock, She must have made him an extension of herself and never let him leave her apron strings, so he never got a chance to find his true, inner self and thus develope a false self to compensate for a narcissistic injury.thus he was torn between abandonment of his own mother or being tied to her forevermore.That is where it all starts and for recovery to YOU, it might help you to do more research on that very topic.That book and How to leave the Narcissist in your Life, by Linda Martinez-Lewis, which Morty took excerpts from,is a great beginning, plus Sam Vaknin's book on Malignant Self Love, where he as many sections devoted to dear old mom and their sons, the more you read, the more you will understand mothers can make or break their sons.........My EXN went ballistic when i suggested he revisit his relationship with his mother, that maybe he replayed it outwith all the important women he had relationships with, now why would he go crazy on me in a letter, calling me a whore, slut, offering free sex on the internet, and never once addressed my comment to me, I HIT A NERVE WITH HIM. hope this all helps, it sure helped me to figure out who he was, still a 2 year old toddler in the guise of an adult male, how pathetic.............

#21 Oct 28 - 9AM (Reply to #14)

staystrong.10.10

onwithmylife

Thanks Onwithmylife for all the info. I've read a few essays regarding the Ns becosme who they are in the early age, part due to the abandonment from their mothers. or how their mother are Ns and they are an extension of themselves. hmmmm, after i just typed this out, light bulb just light up! yes, that totally makes sense now! He is the ONLY CHILD in the family. She nurtured him literally every single step he takes, up until today. She would feed him!!! I mean LITERALLY! She would feed him - he's 43!! If she's around, she does everything for him - and whatever I do, in her eyes - not good enough... :( (tears...) Wow, Thanks onwithmylife!!! I will looking into those books you mentioned.

#22 Oct 28 - 9AM (Reply to #15)

hopefuljms

Mine was an only child also

Mine was an only child also and also 43!!! I wonder if that is common among only children. I wouldn't be surprised if it was. There isn't anyone else to get the mothers attention so they get all of it. Somewhat unhealty if you ask me.

#23 Oct 28 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

staystrong.10.10

do we have

do we have the same N????? same person??? nothing surprises me now... heehee I know many people who's the only child in the family, but, i think he's the only one has REAL Problems.... strange...

#24 Oct 28 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

ShaynasMommy

I can assure you,

that is not common to all families with only children. I am an only child. That certainly was not the case with me. The only thing common with that is that it seems like everybody who is not an only child thinks that we are all spoiled. Sorry, but I get this all the time, and I have never been accused of being Narc-y in the least. :-)

#25 Oct 28 - 6AM

jaycee

staystrong

Do we share the same mother in law? are you sure? lol my psycho mil is obsessed with my hN, she thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread...no matter what he does, with in a sec of talking to him, she thinks hes entitled to cheat......a few examples. when we were younger and first married, he borrowed her car to go out, leaving me with the witch, and she stared out the window and said "he always looked so gorgeous driving that car" sick, when he discarded us when the kids were little, she said, "well, what did you expect, you did get so fat" nice excuse to cheat on wife and leave kids.........the psycho called me the other day and had the nerve to say, "well, (speaking of her sons whore) she was looking for a man, and NICE men are hard to find, especially ones as nice as my son" how fked up is that, I said, nice, do you not remember he left his children when they were six and eight, and tormented his wife for years, and then did the ultimate and forced me to throw him out, while his son was in Iraq, nice, youre crazy, and with that, i will never speak to her again, ever.......she has condoned his cheating for years, she says he was too handsome to be married, and allowed him to bring women to her home to cheat on me, sick bitch, the apple didnt fall far, trust in that........Jaycee

Jaycee

#26 Oct 28 - 9AM (Reply to #8)

staystrong.10.10

wow Jaycee

i think we do have the same crazy ex mother in law!!! hahahahahaha I thought usually the Ns talk and act similarly, but i didn't know the mothers act similarly also! Mine knows that he cheated on every single girl he's ever with in his life. But she chose to blame everything on them instead of look into her son's eys and let him know that he's the one who really needs some help. well, i guess how could she, she created him! I can't believe what she said to you Jaycee!!! like "mother" like son, I can't believe she puts you down like that! She is sick!!! THEY ARE SICK!!! thanks again Jaycee xoxoxo!

#27 Oct 28 - 10AM (Reply to #9)

jaycee

wow jaycee

staystrong, guess what, she puts me down, because she is an ugly hagged old bitch and jealous of everyone, shes a washed up narc and her son learned from the best, her........her digs throughout the years were horrendous, yet, i had more class in my pinky nail, and never disrespected her back, made my kids respect and love her as their grandmother, yet, they know shes a psycho like their dad. i would never stoop to her level, shes the one who lost out on a fantastic daughter in law...screw her......Jaycee

Jaycee

#28 Oct 28 - 11AM (Reply to #10)

staystrong.10.10

you are higher being than them!!

good for you jaycee!!! you are not just a fantastic d-in-law but a much better person! your kids should be proud to have a strong mother like you! you go girl! xo

#29 Oct 28 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

jaycee

staystrong

thanks i appreciate the support....you are right, i am a human being and a damn good one, and they are monsters. let them have each other......xoxo Jaycee

Jaycee

#30 Oct 28 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

staystrong.10.10

yea, and you know what jaycee

yea, and you know what jaycee? they probably will wound up be the only ones who have each other, anybody who has some sense of dignity/ intelligence will eventually leave'm!

#31 Oct 28 - 5AM

fooled no longer

Heck yeah! My mother in law

Heck yeah! My mother in law when I finally cracked and told her - hes a cheater. She said my dear my husband did the same you need to be more tolerant this is how all men are. Of course when confronted by me N will say the same, every man cheats, buys porn, oggles women. So he has a water tight case that he is the saint his mother wants him to be seen as . Latin mothers raise imature beasts who demand constant adoration be warned!!! i did not know this when I moved to live in this culture , I assumed they were like the men i was raised with. BIG F . Ing mistake!!! They think they are perfectly entitled and normal, i fell into a beartrap with steel teeth that clamped around my feet. As long as I played nice and didnt voice my opinions all was well. When i woke up I was left with the ruin of my life. I detest this social structure now!!!!

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