Can they ever get into a normal relationship after us?

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Sep 27 - 1PM
Susan32's picture

How they define "normal"

The ex-Psych professor had male victims as well... an openly gay professor as well as one of his young male groupies. He was abusive and cruel towards his own colleagues. He was condescending to female students (such as myself) The ex-Narc boss treated ALL of his employees as disposable. EVERYBODY is disposable to them.... not just love interests/lovers/boyfriends/girlfriends. Colleagues are not immune. They treat EVERYBODY with disrespect. That's how they define normal.
Sep 27 - 12PM
jen79's picture

My xNarc called me the one and still does

he still says I am the only one he ever loved. And it looks soooo convincing when he sais so. But he was the one who beated me. BEATING ME!!!! So NO. They will never be happy with anyone. The most angel like superwoman could come along. They would still treat her as an object.
Sep 27 - 11AM
Used's picture

moving forward

we are all "THE ONE", till they think they have us where they want us... then the next one is "THE ONE".. there will will never be just the one, she doesnt exsist... trouble is these DICKHEADS...... dont relize it... so thats why i know they will never be happy... its like taking a child to a toyshop, let him have his pick,, he picks the ONE... gets fed up with that one. picks another one, does this till he has done the whole shop... then goes back to the first one, thats why so many of these idiots come back... cos to quote narc.... talk about you dont know what you have got until you lose it.. [meaning me.] shame!!!
Sep 27 - 10AM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

no no no

but they sure want you to belive they can have a normal relationship with another, because that keeps you stuck in envy wishing it was with you. after you invested you will stay, Narcs know that one of their favorite tools. No
Sep 26 - 12PM
better off
better off's picture


I didn't read this yet, but the answer is NO.
Sep 26 - 12PM
kiwi10's picture

some comfort for you

I was 'the one' my x husband was waiting for. younger, pretty etc....he had lots of you's all around who he discarded for me. once he got me, he devalued me, beat me, cheated on me, then untimately left me.
Sep 27 - 10AM (Reply to #14)
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

exactly Fierflie

and dont you ever forget it. Fierflie because Im here to remimd you what a sack of shit he is for doing that to you. A
Sep 26 - 11AM
betty2020's picture

Welcome to the forum. So it

Welcome to the forum. So it is obvious that there is nothing normal about this person from what your saying here. Forget the relationship aspect for a moment. He obviously has no regard for the way he is treating you by playing his mind games and leading you on. He is selfish, egotistical, sexually deviant and lacks empathy. If it walks and talks like a duck, it must be a duck. Please educate yourself right now. Read everything here on the board and you will find your answers. There will never be anything normal with these people. It is impossible. EVER. They are pathologically disordered. This is a personality disorder that is very real. They are incapable of treatment or change. They do not see the problem is them. It is always the rest of the world so just give up the notion that anything will ever be normal with them b/c it wont. Stay close now and this will make a lot more sense in time. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Sep 26 - 11AM
jaycee's picture

can they ever

sweetheart, as the wife of a serial cheating somatic narcissist i will tell you, they will never ever have a normal relationship with anyone, and no one will ever truly make them happy, maybe for the moment while they are getting their supply filled, they may think they are happy for a while, but trust me, you did nothing, you were too smart and too good for him and he knew it, trust me, he wont leave you alone, believe that, you need to cut your losses now, or be me, twenty four years from now with him living with one of his whores. you did the right thing, he will never be happy and you have nothing to do with that, you need to love you and know he could never love anyone but himself, did you ever wonder why hes divorced, he probably cheated so much, she threw in the towel. you never know the truth with a narc....... find a real man, who doesnt need dating sites, porn sites, girlfriends at every turn, and funny, wish i could take my own advice, still hanging onto the hope he will move on from the whore he is with right now and hook up with the next, so i then i will know fact for sure, he didnt love her at all, he used her too.........i really need to take my own advice lol good luck sweetie


Sep 27 - 10AM (Reply to #9)
movingforward (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thank you

Thank you for sharing your side of it...this site really is a blessing to get us stronger as a team and help us all to move on. It's a struggle but coming here and reading and talking and opening up to people who've been through the same thing on various degrees helps so much. Especially when you're surrounded by friends who are happy, happy as singles, happily married, happily having new babies with their loving doting husbands. At times I feel worthless and hopeless...but this site is giving me hope. You ladies are all giving me hope.
Sep 27 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
hooklineandsinker's picture

movingforward, your post

movingforward, your post could have been written by me. As if it's not enough that we've all been D&D'ed by these assholes. As if it's not enough that we are alone now (those of us who are). No, we still have to watch love/engagements/marriages/babies happen for everyone else in our lives but us. That aspect drives me absolutely insane with frustration, rage and sadness.
Sep 27 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
Nicole96's picture

my cousin just got married

to a man with the same first name as my n who abandoned me 6 weeks earlier. fun fun fun
Sep 26 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
kiwi10's picture

ditto jaycee

ditto jaycee
Sep 26 - 11AM
movingforward (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


We haven't talked since, this was a week ago. He never replied to my msg and I haven't contacted him. My head hurts from thinking about all of this so much. I just want peace in my brain. It never stops.
Sep 27 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Breathdeep's picture

Movingforward It does stop. I PROMISE!!

I know it may not seem like it can but it does stop. My ex-hn was the love of my life. Just like so many of the posts here I would have and did do anything and everything to keep our family and life alive. I read posts and hear myself in every line. For years I spent all my time fighting to keep us going. Fighting myslef in my own mind trying to ignore all the lies and cheating and other behaviors. I am finally at a place where I see the truth and it finally doesn't hurt like it did. At each stage I thought I was "over" it and then I would find myself believeing him again and "trying" again, but that is gone now, atleast for today. For today I DO have peace. I DO see that I was was nothing to him but I am FINALLY not taking it personally. Like everyone else has written, what he has done to you he will do to the next one and the next one. Honey, it isn't personal and you WILL be better. There will come a day when you are not obsessing about him and what he is doing. There will come a day when you think about what is best for YOU not what he needs. Please know this will come. One day you will be doing somethng, anything, and you will notice that you AREN"T thinking of hime and that every little thing in your dayis not longer linked to him. It is finally you. Read these posts and know that there is another way of life where the importance you placed on him is put back on you.

Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option.

Sep 26 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Nicole96's picture

2 words...

Narcissistic Supply. Run away!
Sep 26 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes's picture

They never ever have normal ANYTHING!

As you read, you will see they are always going to use people to serve their own needs! Now, if it seems he is normal and changed its only until he charms her. After that, she is the next victum. Feel bad for anyone who enters his life girl.
Sep 28 - 1AM (Reply to #4)
TraumaMamma's picture

This could not have come at a better time

We are going thru divorce, in house separation. He has a gf. Who doesn't work, has three kids, lives in a trailer and is in nursing school. She cannot go out and go dancing like he loves to do...(he loved to go out and complained with MY work hours we never could) He complained about my school. She is in school. He complained about my kids...and she has three, one of which is 1 yr old and sleeps in her bedroom. He spends the nite there sometimes. I shudder to think... He left himself logged into Yahoo messenger one nite when I was home and he was with her, and I was killing a bottle of white zin. And one of his skanky lady friends (he has about 50 from various sites) sent him a message...She was from Fling.... So, I saw her name,(committed it to memory) told her he was on a date. And went thru his mail (while I could )to see the horrible graphic emails they exchanged. While he was at work. OMFG. This chick wanting to know about how big a load he shoots and how he was going to coat her throat. Yeah, he is a Somatic N. I told him I talked to her (but he didn't care, he is in LOVE with new girlfriend and has an emotional attachment...something we did not have) And Skanky yahoo girl and he are just friends who talk about "life"....but I know better I saw the emails) He and OW don't argue. (they have known each other since grade school, but committed to date for a whole two wks...whoopee.) Get back to me after 7 yrs. I asked him why if this girl he is with blindly says she trust him and isn't going to check on him, why he keeps skanks like that on his messanger? What could they possibly have to talk about!??! And he told me to butt out. I musta hit a nerve. As of yesterday, that chick started a facebook and is now his facebook friend and wanting to IM him. Begging him to sign on ....Her wall ain't private. It's like that dumb girl gave him permission (Oh I trust you honey!) and he is gonna do it. There isn't anything noble about him honey. Although we didn't have sex since the split, I did let him sleep in the bed on occasion. Why don't you be honest and tell her that one, too??? Bwhahahahaha. I'm not dating anyone, so to doesn't much matter if you warm up the bed or not. But she might give a shit. And yeah, part of me hopes she might. ;) No man who wants to commit to a REAL relationship or a woman is going to keep those kinds of people on his messanger or phone. One day, curiosity will get the better of her. One day, he will slip. One day, he will feel trapped. Their reality is screwed up. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.' --Mary Anne Radmache

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.' --Mary Anne Radmache

Oct 1 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
hooklineandsinker's picture

Those emails are so gross.

Those emails are so gross. By the sound of your posts you're pretty strong at this point, but OMG, I can't imagine finding something like that for the first time, when you thought you were dealing with a decent person all along.