On choices
On choices
I just responded to Happy1 in her thread about her two month hell of letting her Narc back in, having him trash her life AGAIN.
As I was writing, I thought about her choice to allow him to come back.
From my three and a half year's out perspective, her choice to let the Narc come back looks flat out like a bad one. There's no pussyfooting around that. Happy would agree (((Happy)))).
But . . . having done the same thing myself, and in a group of people who have done the same exact thing over and over again . . . what ABOUT this "choice"?
We are obviously making a choice. We say "yes or no". I kicked my Narc out three times total, not including the final time. I chose to allow him back in two different ways.
I either gave in and bought his sob story because I wanted desperately to believe it OR he just forced his way back in and I collapsed and went dead inside.
These were both choices I made. I know that because in spite of what I did at the time, I had alternatives. Not that they occurred to me at the time, but the choices were still THERE as possibilities.
I could have NOT bought his sob story. I could have rose up and got help to force him out (which is what I did to get rid of him once and for all).
*I* did these things. I was both the person who chose to buy the sob story and the person who collapsed and gave up AND the person who reached out for help to get rid of him for good.
The common denominator was ME all along.
And another thing (the real reason I wrote this post):
Those "bad" choices we made? Again and again and again? Yes, they were "bad" choices. Using "poor judgment". No pussyfooting around that either.
But in our hearts, people . . . we made those choices motivated by goodness and mercy and the relief of suffering. For hope and dignity. No matter what the consequences were (further abuse and destruction), what we INTENDED by those bad choices was for the GOOD.
We made these choices, for the "right" reasons, with the wrong man.
We made these choices for GOOD reasons with a very BAD man.
This is about self forgiveness. Understanding ourselves, and how we end up choosing what we choose.
We NEVER chose to be abused. We chose in hopes of being loved.
It's just that when you do choose, you have consequences of the choice. Even choosing to use the toilet :D the consequences of NOT choosing to use the toilet . . . lol.
So when you choose, from this point forward, see that you are ALSO choosing the consequences, which are often completely unpredictable.
Does that make you want to choose carefully????
My point exactly :)
Sometimes you have to put your hand back on the stove...
Brisies
The shame and self blame are
Great post!
Journey on...
The point is to not go into
We choose how we see the world...
That is a great article. It
It explains them too...
Hear! Hear! Great post.
______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
B ...High five sister ,
And can I just say
We always have a choice,
Brie
Yep, Jen.Good dreams, Bad
Ok maybe your not up for a
I would rather have all my
Briseis
That's exactly right,
Briseis
victimnomore
Exactly :) Your mom sounds
My mom told me the same
Jen79
victimnomore
Yes Briseis
victimnomore
Holy moley. You are