Christian Site on Interacting with Destructive Persons

especially the conclusion. It helps me to see that my response to him wasn't something i should be ashamed of. I responded to his deceit, callousness, and rages, with kindness. I tried to understand him. Even tried to help him understand himself. I gave him love and for that he treated me worse and worse... telling me I am the kind of woman who would not stand behind her man if ever he needed me to. I gave love and for that i felt so ashamed for the past 3 months, bc i thought only a stupid person would give love to such an evil being... especially knowing he was NPD and have the education and training i do... but the article allowed me to BEGIN to see that that is what GOOD people do. They dont retaliate... they give compassion, understanding, love, second chances, and strenght to people who completely dont deserve it. So i was not 'bad' or 'stupid' for my 'goodness'. Now i need to do the second part of what good people do and that is to give all of that goodness, understanding and love to myself. I have to put forth more effort toward healing. I am just too afraid, however i see that i HAVE to. I want to believe that there is a better future for me. That i will find love. I will be a wife and mother someday. I have so much fear about that. I am in my late 30's and so i fear it's all too late. THAT is a major source of my pain in losing that jerk. I guess i have no faith in my future. The article discusses God or the universe has a life plan for each of us... a plan that takes us good ones away from evil and i need to have more faith in that. I have to let go of him. He is gone forever. I have never given another human being so much of myself in my life- only to be told "you aren't passionate!" and "You don't even know what love is" or "You would never have your man's back if he needed you!" He was only devaluing me to make excuses for his cheating behavior... I mean why would a person be loyal to a woman who was not passionate, unloving, and nonsupportive. Poor him- he had to have other girls. He never loved me; I loved him SO much; i need to love me now... that's all i have left and I'm a pretty damn good catch! Jess