ClaimingHappiness's Story

Hard to Believe!

Hi everyone,
I have been around this forum for a little while now. I come almost everyday and read people posts. This forum is been a blessing for me because it has helped me to find answers to my million questions I had about my ex-narc behavior.
I was in a relationship with my ex-narc for almost ten years. We never never married but have 2 kids, 8 years and my baby who is gonna be 8 months in a few days. I knew he was not the best person on earth but I didn't know he could be so evil and selfish. He gave me a lot of red flags at the beginning of the relationship but I was so in love and ignored them all. He never was what I expected. He always have a double life and it seems that I was the only one who didn't notice. He used to use his work as the perfect excuse to keep up with all his crap and I was stupid enough to believe and trust him.
The relationship was never easy. I don't understand how I got involved in that for too long. I blame everything on me. He never ha time for us and always had other priorities. My daughter and me were always left behind. Everything else was more important-his job, his family, friends and last but not least all the whores that were around him. He always made really poor family decisions. Everything wasn't bad, we had good times as well. But after 10 years I can say he was never honest on anything he did or said. Everything was a lie. He never loved me at all. I feel abused, lied to, manipulated and cheated on for 10 years. I wanted to share my story but I didn't know what to write. It's been too much. I don't even know what I should say anymore. I don't wan to talk about the past because its too much crap and I decided not to share it now cause i would never end. I'm gonna be focused on the last year just before the break up. When I got pregnant with my second child who is about 8 months now our relationship was doing pretty bad. There is no way you can have a happy and healthy r/s with a narc. I cried so much because I didn't plan it at all. I knew he was not good enough to have another kid. Especially, after everything I got to go through with my first pregnancy. He was so apparently happy when I told him I was pregnant. He promised things were gonna be different this time. I trusted him and thought that we could work things out this time. Stupid me....he was cheating on me when I found out about my pregnancy. The first months I was so emotionally unstable cause I could sense there was something wrong and he was cheating. I used to call him many times and he didn't answer. Then he called back and made stupid excuses about why he couldn't answer. I knew deep inside he was lying. I cried during my whole pregnancy but he didn't care. He knew I was suspicious about him being cheating but didn't finish his affair. He never cared about me, our daughter or our new baby. Everything was and currently is about him. We were buying a house at that moment but I kicked him out of the apt we had been living together for 5 years. I couldn't stand the whole situation. He never admitted he was cheating and every time I confronted him he denied it and said I was crazy. I started hearing rumors he had been seen at a local restaurant and some other places with his new girl. I even hired a detective to get the proof but I failed on that as well. I think that guy
stole my money and never did the job or something else happened. He kept on contact and in denial mode, so before I gave birth we started talking again. He begged and begged( what I know now is called Hoover) for another chance for his kids. He made a lot of promises. We finally were gonna get married. He said he was gonna stop "working solo much", and more promises. Since he owns his own business and is investor in some other businesses he always claimed to be a workaholic. that's why he could not spend much time with us. Bla bla bla.... I said ok and gave him another chance to see if we could work things out. And Guess what??? 3 months after the baby was born a friend of him came to visit him and stayed at my house for a week. He totally changed and forgot about all the promises he made and all of a sudden he started to be mean and rude to me in front of his friend. He has an ugly personality and everything in his life is about showing off. So he tried to show his friend he got me under control and said something so inappropriate to me in front of him and I got so upset and left. Then, I texted him to let him know I wanted him to leave my house because I wasn't gonna tolerate his behavior in front of anybody. Of course, he didn't care at all. It was perfect for him so he could party with his friend without me saying anything about. He kept coming home after partying all night at 7, 8 or 9 next morning. I asked him not to come anymore because I didn't want to see him anymore and the r/s was over. Then, I started hearing all the rumors from people close to him. He actually was with the OW during the whole time. He was making promises to me and even our daughter about having a happy family and everything was a huge lie.
It's been 4 months already and still feel stuck. I'm moving on slowly but I still see him almost everyday. He keeps paying my house expenses because I haven't found a job. He has money though. I think he still pretends to be nice and caring because he has hopes and he thinks that sooner or later I am gonna get him back. We got a back and forth r/s for 10 years. He got used to Hoover me all the time and cried if it was in his best interest and made me feel guilty of everything until I said ok let's try again. I was living in hell for way too long and I made my decisions just as he made his. Family isn't important for him at all. Everything is about him.
Feel free to make comments. There are a lot more of this story, but it has no apparent end. I will tell more later.

Thanks for reading,
ClaimingHappiness