crazymoon5150's story

I had no idea what NPD was until my best friend stumbled on to it during her train wreck of a marriage, we'd been friends for 20+ years and we'd get together hang out, go to concerts and we did are usal "Bitch" sessions about this or that, but as years rolled by we were sitting in the parking lot waiting to see Def Leppard in Detroit and it occurred to us, "We should not be this miserable, something is wrong in our marriages" The usal bitching about not taking out the garbage or leaving shoes or work boots in the middle of the floor now was something else.

I remember telling my husband of 15 years for years in joking manning 'Go ahead you always do what you want in spite of how I feel" We could never talk about anything, being emotions, oh in the beginning we could he was like a love sick puppy , passionate, charming , loving ,telling me how much he loved me , never felt this way about any other woman, we were both in our early 20s when we met.

about 7 years into the marriage things changed I started bucking the system, I wanted to go to school, I wanted to travel ,our kids were getting older .. no longer did they want to go "Camping" every year with my entire family of inlaws for weeks at a time , they wanted to go to amusement parks , zoo, etc.... NOPE....."He was going camping with or with out us " and if it didnt' concern him then he didnt do it, for years I thought"Well he just doesent like doing this or that, I can relate there are things I dont like ,camping, and if I dont go then I get the silent treatment and he shuts himself off" I never retaliated .. I just invited some friends and went and that was that.

Then... roughly 3 years ago, I fell assbackwards into his affair with a co worker by answering a phone call, on his cell phone ,he actually tried to justify his cheating by blaming it on me, because I wasn't there for him I pushed him away, well yes I did because I got tired of his BS. His one way street or my way or the highway .. so he replaces me, about this time my BF.. stumbles on the NPD... and my oh my , did the blinders come off, I looked back over the years and it was like a whole new world opened up.

For years I felt like some big flop of a failure of a wife... I used to cry, engage him, try to get him to understand me, now I know why ... He can't. Hes incapable, its all about him, as it unraveled these last two years, it all started making sense, Now I have read all I can get my hands on, my BF too. she had taken seminars on co dependency and NPD... Her husband was verbally abusice and sadistic my husband is not mean, he just with hold his affectons he does not raise his voice, yell, call me names we dont f ight, he justdoes what he wants and its all about him and how he lools, he tries to idealize me '' lose some weight, wear skrits or dresses or thongs. "

He changes his persona every ten years, it seems, I havent changed, its almost creepy. Now I am armed with tools and things have gotten 100 percent better , I set up boundries and he has to stick to them and I dont argue with him anymore I dont cry anymore, and feel like a doormat.

Not saying its perfect its not I have my days where it would be nice to have some affection and recognition to be thought of when I start feeling like that I think "Demand little, expect little 'Its not that he doesen't want to , its just he can't. What a life.... sometimes its draining.