The 'Crying' Narcissist???

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#1 Jul 6 - 1PM
SBlaze86's picture

The 'Crying' Narcissist???

My former partner who happens to be a narcissist once confided in me that he cried for a month non-stop after our break-up, I suppose in hopes of eliciting my sympathy or pity or most likely guilt ( to no avail of course).

This wouldn't be the first time he's shed tears. (When he wasn't giving me the silent treatment.)

Whenever I casually mentioned a behavior of his I found inappropriate, offensive or something that I felt disrespected my boundaries he always managed to behaved as if he had been the aggrieved party rather than acknowledging the offense and correcting the behavior.

It just seems he was chiefly interested in getting his own way, even if it infringed upon my set limitations.

Wreaks of manipulation to me.

Anyone else ever experience this?
What is this over-the-top bizarre cry fest behavior about?

Dec 5 - 5PM
Susan32's picture

The Constant Pity Party

When I told the ex-Psych prof I loved him, he went into full sob mode, saying "I'm discomfited. I'm disappointed. I'm offended." Even when I was sobbing and my feelings were hurt, he was BEGGING for pity&comfort. When I demanded an apology&remorse, all he'd say was "you acted inappropriately." He only "cried" when he realized not only he had lost control of me, but I was having the funnest time ever driving him nuts. He did the "poor pity me" act when I called him out on lying about his girlfriend and how it hurt me. "You put me in an awkward position." When I congratulated him on being engaged, he whined and cried "You're imposing on me. You're violating my personal boundaries. You're being intrusive. My engagement is private." It was ALWAYS pity pity pity for 4 years. He wanted pity because his students didn't listen to him and his colleagues didn't respect him. But when *I* was the one sobbing and hurt, and had lost a friend (during the final D&D), he'd be emotionally brutal and coldly say "I am controlling my feelings" while I wept. In the end, I was giving him some purposeful narcissistic injuries. I knew his vulnerabilities. In exquisite detail. Did I apologize for them? NO. Would I ever do so? NEVER. In fact, in the end, I found his pity party entertaining and I was practically laughing in his face.
Dec 5 - 8AM
Anonymus's picture

I had that same experience

The XN cryed his eyes out whenever I confornted him for any offense he commited towards me. He always apologized...but didn't do a thing to make it up to me. This is when I realized that saying "I love you" are just empty words when they are not backed up with support, consideration and respect. If you truly respect someone who you have hurt (were all human), you make it up to him/her! Analize your own behavior. SEE that his tears are empty and cold. His "feeling" are unsubstantiated. This is because they are nonexistent. I know it's hard at first to process this, but when it gets to the point that the confidece you deposited in him is so broken, you can't help but feel anger and disdain because HE does'nt deserve attention for crying, YOU did. And he probably never gave that. I'm sorry, maybe I'm still in anger releasing mode. But for me at least, this helps.
Dec 4 - 12AM
Gaia's picture

crying WOLF!

Mine cried a few times in 8 years, but mostly it was after I demanded to see some type of emotion. He was a cold callous ROBOT! So, if we were breaking up, he would start crying some, but then he would just stop immediately. It was the most bizarre thing to witness at the time. But, now I know it was all an ACT. Must have drove him crazy that I wanted him to express emotions, when he clearly had none. Well he did have emotions only for himself. His acting was SO bad, that I think my brain was confused. That he couldnt be for REAL! But be it cops,, he ALWAYS has the "poor me" personna. YUCK! Its so very pathetic !!
Dec 3 - 5PM
Im_always_fine's picture

My NARC/parasite LOVES to

My NARC/parasite LOVES to cry!!!! He goes to funerals so he can cry. He loves chick flicks so he cry. He cries at church(he gets lots of positive re-enforcement for crying there..they don't know him yet) He cries if he hurts himself.. He LOVES when I cry!! So HE can cry too. I discovered early in the relationship that if I cried at a sentimental commercial or in a moment of honesty ...being ever the opportunist he would melt into "sympathetic" tears and want to hold me and rock me...and cry TOGETHER. BLECH! (Awkward) I never cry in front of him. I don't dare. It becomes melodramatic. A few of years ago I started to cry out of frustration and anger. As I was breaking down I kept thinking,"OH NO! OH NO! This is the moment he's been waiting for! Oh no he's going to run to me and cry and try to hold me..Nooooo!" But it was too late, I saw the realization in his face that I was starting to cry...he RAN to me sobbing...he held me and rocked me. My blood ran cold and I stopped crying instantly...with my face mashed into his chest I just GLARED at the wall in disbelief, he continued his histrionics...the show must go on. So contrived. He cries on cue.
Dec 3 - 2PM
nomoredenial's picture

Mine rarely

cried but when I would he would look at me like someone would look at at alien and say "oh wow, you always seem so mean but when you cry you are soft, It makes me think you do love me" Then when he went and had sex with his new love he so sweetly told me that "I dont know what it was, but being with her was amazing, i got to feel for the first time in my life, everytime we had sex we would just both bawl like babies, it was so amazing" Omg I am so ready for steps 4-6, just a month ago I had to write on this board and ask if these kinds of things were off.......
Dec 3 - 5PM (Reply to #66)
NarcJunkie's picture

Still trying to wrap my head around this

More than 2 months on this forum, but some things still puzzle me. So did he simply lie to you when he told you how he felt so much with the OW and cried like a baby? Did he just mirror her behaviour and feelings like they usually do? Or did he actually feel something? I still don't understand how they can be/appear so genuine and soft and open yet NEVER actually connect. Looking back now I can see how he manipulated me with his tears and his drama in most situations. But there were other moments where we were so intimate, where he was quiet and content, almost grateful that I was there for him. He seemed so REAL in those moments! I can see how he "acted" most of the time even when crying. But man, it is hard to believe that even those genuine moments were fake. One of my friends ventured the guess that maybe he actually did feel "something" in those moments, but it just wasn't substantial, because they cannot be consistent and have deep, lasting feelings of love. I guess it doesn't really matter because the outcome is the same..
Dec 4 - 2PM (Reply to #68)
nomoredenial's picture

narc junkie for fear of sounding narcissistic

this was the only thing I could think....that he was feeling something about the relationship with me ending and since he didnt know her at all there was no risk in letting his emotions go...I dont know. That image though after 14 faithful years was enough to make sure that I would never go back.....what an unfeeling bastard for thinking it was cool to tell me. Some other things he said at the time You act like this is the first time I had sex since we split (after they went away for the weekend and I was sad) now that I know what it feels like to love I will know how to treat you( meaning he didnt learn shit with me for 14 years but learned in 2 months with her wtf)
Dec 3 - 5PM (Reply to #67)
KittyRising's picture

N's Feelings...

They DO feel something! But, it's not about us. We are a mirage or a character in their movie. They do feel when they cry. They cry for themselves. Seriously. Real feelings of self love and imagined hurt. I too questioned it all. In the break up? He has sent me volumes of lies about everything including posting things on his Facebook Page that did not occur. He also (I believe) really believes these things he writes. They live in their own world and we are visitors. Sort of. I think I would be more polite at times to a guest...
Dec 3 - 12PM
KittyRising's picture

Boo Hoo...

The same man that beat me on his boat and told me when I cried I had "self pity"? The SAME MAN that threw my things overboard, kidnapped me then told me "I was not concerned about HIS needs" when I was crying hysterically? The one that told me every time he yelled at me if I got upset about "nothing" (tears make them meaner) he would REALLY give me something to be upset about? Boo hoo Baby Brat. Get a diaper... His words in the novella email about his pain then blamed me for all of it... "I have been crying for hours on a daily basis. I now feel I have a tiny taste of what you must of felt when I demonstrated such lack of respect for you. For whatever it is worth I am so very sorry I caused you the pain I am having now. I beg you to completely and wholly forgive me. I am truly lost without you by my side every night. I am frequently sick to my stomach to the point of vomiting. I am short of breath. My stress level is through the roof." Geese. Get the grown up a kleenex. Waaa Waaa Waaa! Kitty
Dec 3 - 1PM (Reply to #64)
Used's picture


May 3 - 3PM
dudette's picture

mine welled up

once during a lovely moment of intimacy. I was asking him about past relationships that he had clearly fucked up etc... It was not a moment of confrontation, it was just a moment of me listening to his recalls of a number of other women that he had screwed up with.... It was at a time when we were so very close and planning to marry etc.... He did not cry but he did well up a bit..... I only cried once in front of him, strangely enough the day I got pregnant by him, became a bit emotional for no reason. I will always remember his reaction... totally blank and vacant....
Dec 5 - 9AM (Reply to #62)
Goldie's picture

I had forgotten all about this

My last narc started crying the first time I broke up with him and he was bawling saying that no one ever truly loved him, they all just wanted to be friends. I got the impression that his tears had nothing to do with me and our breakup but rather the notion that all those other girls, his own age, lol, did not want him and he could not even hold on to an older women so he was crying over his sad pathetic lot in life. It did not feel real to me and in keeping with the current situation. Another time, lol, we ran into his Xgf at the department store and a few minutes later he is bawling in the car and I said, OMG what is the matter? He says he is crying because he did not get me a Christmas present a couple of weeks prior. I did not make the connection at that time, so weeks go by and he still does not get me a late Christmas present, so I ask him if he was so incredibly destraught over not getting me a present, why has he still not gotten me one? He of course has no answer. So I said, OMG, you were crying over Xgf; not me and the Christmas present, that was all a big act. So he was not crying because he was not with Xgf anymore either. He was crying because she "screwed" him over by marrying someone else and leaving his sorry ass in the dust. They cry when someone else will no longer allow them to control them and their life, yet they don't cry about who they are actually with, it is all about fear, rage, and control. Not about intimacy issue's with us. Manipulation and control are their mother ship. God bless, Goldie
May 3 - 1PM
ShaynasMommy's picture

"Whenever I casually

"Whenever I casually mentioned a behavior of his I found inappropriate, offensive or something that I felt disrespected my boundaries he always managed to behaved as if he had been the aggrieved party rather than acknowledging the offense and correcting the behavior." "Anyone else ever experience this?" YES. I experience this everytime my 14 month old daughter crosses the line and misbehaves. When I tell her no and remove her from the situation, she cries like a banshee. Its no different from a NARC! LOLOLOL!
May 1 - 10PM
Arwen's picture

OOOHHH yes...regular

OOOHHH yes...regular crying...pity party...both my main x narcs...pity party over the dead parents, the lost marriage and family he had, oy vey what a fucking crock. Hell yeah they cry. They can't fix anything while they're in it but they sure as hell know how to cry once they want attention.
May 1 - 5PM
J's picture


I just broke up with my Narcissist for the SECOND time. I never want to see him again, and I'm perfectly fine with having no contact. It's been almost 2 months and I've turned my life around. Unfortunately, he calls me crying....sobbing....begging...telling me I'm his life and he won't live without me. What do I do? This is a man that has cheated on me, has used and abused me for years. I dont know how to get him to stop calling me. I'm afraid he'll call my Mom's house or come to my work (he's done it before!)Frankly, it's a little scary!! What do I do?????
May 1 - 5PM (Reply to #56)
Steph's picture


Change your number. Have your mom change her number if needed as well. If he comes to your work, you call security or the police. Document it all and file for a restraining order if he continues to harass you. Stay strong and be safe:) xoxo
May 1 - 7PM (Reply to #57)
J's picture

staying strong

Why won't he just go away!!!! He's making me nuts!
May 1 - 10PM (Reply to #58)
Steph's picture

Doesn't sound like he is just

Doesn't sound like he is just gonna "go away". I know it sucks, but you have to take the bull by the horn here and be KNOW he is crazy and will likely contact you you have to block all avenues of communication.
Feb 4 - 6AM
onwithmylife's picture


The EXNARc cried only once when i knew him for 15 years when he dog died and sometimes he did not even treat him that well and I would tell him that and once he got real defensive and told me I could leave his place, if I wanted to, real imperious.but when his sweet dog did die on his lap, he was crying like a little child and said to me "everything I love gets taken away." we were talking over the phone as I had just finished working. I asked the therapist about what he had said and the therapist said it sounds like he never got the unconditional love he was desperately seeking IE. from mother.He did not even cry when his brother died and when i picked him up from the airport said"something must be wrong with me." As everyone else near his brothers deathbed was crying like crazy.He Knows who he is..................
Feb 2 - 10AM
mystwoman's picture

Xnh cried on a regular

Xnh cried on a regular basis. He could turn those tears on and off like a faucet to suit his wishes. He did this to manipulate and try illiciting sympathy. Xnh's hideous P daughter did the same exact thing (go figure where she learned it from. lol). Xnh even tried a big "cry fest" the last time he hoovered me. He was blubbering like a little baby on the phone telling me all about how badly his hideous P daughter's boyfriend had beat her up, and that "if he'd KNOWN that they were in the emergency room at the same time as I was, he would have come to visit me". Barf. I was in the ER with food poisoning, and THANK GOD I didn't have to deal with xnh as well. I'd really rather upchuck my left boot without being inflicted with him. I was miserable enough because of the food poisoning. Ignorance was definitely bliss that time. :) His drama and tears really annoyed me during that call because xnh is the very same person that abused me for YEARS. It didn't seem to matter to him that he'd left bruises all over me on many occasions, but he'll whip up the tears of drama about his horrible P daughter and then expect ME to have sympathy for him. Where did xnh seriously think that his daughter learned that it is alright for a man to abuse a woman like that? Oh yeah, that's right...HIMSELF. I don't condone domestic violence, but in xnh's case, I had NO sympathy for him. You have no right to weep massive tears about someone getting beat up when YOU have done some beating yourself. JMO. Xnh tears were a manipulative ploy. He could cry like a baby to get what he wanted, and then 10 minutes later, he would "rewrite history" and deny that he'd ever cried. It was all an act. ______________________________________________________ God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Feb 2 - 9AM
helldweller's picture

Mine cried

Three times. 1)When we were deeply "in love" and he sat me down on the kitchen floor and got tears in his eyes, saying he had never been so happy in his life. (I found out recently that he screwed the other woman later that night). 2)When he told me he had cancer (didn't) so I would come back to him. 3)When I found out about the five other women and he came to church and shook my hand at the sign of peace. (He told me later that night that he'd done nothing wrong) His brother had told me before the first incident that the narc "doesn't cry." He said he'd never cried in his life, even as a baby, didn't even have a teary eye at either of their parents' funerals. So I was deeply moved by the first display. A bit suspicious at the second. Completely baffled by the third. His brother was right: He never HAS cried in his life! LOL
Feb 2 - 4AM
becsta777's picture

My ex

Husband narc used to cry at the drop of a hat. It became really annoying. I knew straight away that it was just an attempt to get his way, but it was hard to shut myself off and ignore it. Other people were fooled and he had them all calling me and writing to me, begging me to reconsider being with him etc. His behaviour totally reminds me of my 11 and 6 year old nephews who start crying to get their way with their mother. Its covert manipulation in its simplest form and it seems to work a treat, cause they just keep on doing it!!
Feb 1 - 6PM
iAmMINE's picture

N'zzzz & cryin'....

they do get desperate don't they?.... but only when they "feel" they are losing 'ground'... which means you must be doing very well... an N (never feels) unless they feel they are losing ground; and they only lose ground when we are healing ;) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Feb 1 - 6PM
Mindy's picture

Tears Galore!

I cannot tell you how happy I am to have found this site. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone and it gives me hope to witness many of you regaining your strength after your experiences. My ex cried all the time! His sister said that he cried for every little thing when he was little, and apparently that continues into his adult life. He'd have severe melt-downs if he lost money at card games, as though the card gods were being unjust towards him. It would start out about the game, but soon he would lament about every injustice in his life, from not having a better career, to how other people had it so easy and obtained riches by becoming rock stars over night. But he also had these seemingly deep moments where he would see me cry, and be moved to tears. It was so believable, and he would say that I was the only person that ever made him cry that way. I've read that Narcs don't feel remorse, but mine apologized all of the time with what seemed like great sincerity. And he wouldn't just say he was sorry, but he would go into great detail of how wrong he was and the reasons he did it, feeling threatened, or because of his insecurities. My ex-Narc was quite self-aware, so it seemed.
Feb 1 - 10PM (Reply to #46)
gettinbetter's picture

That's cause Mommy gave him

That's cause Mommy gave him lots of love and attention when he cried. He learned that when he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar to cry big crocodile tears and then mommy would let him have the cookie and sometimes she even gave him another. It was always a sure fire way to get 2 cookies instead of one and then he figured if 2 cookies is good 3 is better and it goes on and on....
Feb 1 - 11PM (Reply to #47)
Mindy's picture

You know, that makes a lot

You know, that makes a lot of sense. He would sob whenever I called him on the carpet. Thank you for this!
Feb 4 - 1PM (Reply to #48)
Hunter's picture

Whatever it takes, Master

Whatever it takes, Master Manipulators! Idealk
Feb 4 - 1PM (Reply to #49)
booboo35's picture

Mine used to cry when we

Mine used to cry when we split up on my voice mails, And then after he realised he wasn't getting his own way he used to go from crying to angry calling me all the lovely names under the sun like whore slag bitch, And say i was carrying on behind his back, That was just him gas lighting it on to me has he was shagging anything with a pulse including my so called friend who is now dead,, They are master manipulators and if they cant get there own way they like to sulk like big babies, My ex had the emotional mental age of a 3 year old, xx


Jul 7 - 5PM
rainbow1's picture

Mine never cried. In fact

Mine never cried. In fact his family and friends said that they have never seen him cry or could remember a time other than when he was a toddler. He even prided himself on the fact that he didnt cry. EXCEPT when he was trying to get me back. That was the only time that I saw him cry. And it was only a few tears telling me that he loves me and regrets everything and how sorry he was. I remember him saying through his tears "YOu know that I love you. I dont expect you to say it back but I LOVE YOU!" It worked. I think he knew that simply saying these words would not have worked. He had to make a show out of it. Oh wait.... he also woke up in the middle of the night almost in tears because he had a toothache! Poor baby!

"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 7 - 11PM (Reply to #44)
Happy1's picture

Mine has only cried when he

Mine has only cried when he feels sorry for himself. Otherwise, no. Last time I was crying hysterically in front of him he went sound asleep.