Curious

They fear being alone, intimicy, and being 'abandoned'. none of it makes any sense. if they have any money to leave to others they will use that to manipulate and hurt anyone who is interested. They like to leave a 'drama' behind. Anyone who thinks they can depend on these people will be dumped. they don't mellow out, although male menopause might have something do with their being less obnoxious. They do go through a big loss of everything around mid-50's. it is almost as if these 'types' all have the same story. the part of the story that is different is their victims are different so they attack whatever there is to attack in their victims so that adds some twists and turns. if you look at soap operas it is like that for narcissists, coniving, creating drama, disappointing people, being an emotional vampire,cheating, lying, hurting and being jealous of their children, if you can catch an old episode of Dallas it is there with the female leads crystal and alexis Carrington. in the Soaps the writers frequently use women for the villains as many men in the television industry are narcissists and it is fun for them to project male narcissistic traits on women. The one thing also that seems to be universal is they never admit to doing anything that they are accused of -they are Forever Innocent!

she hurt me so badly, drifting i and out of my life,treating me like rubbish and i let her, cos you hope it will change, you hope they will change. i took her back so many times until 4 years ago i stopped loving her. my cup runneth over, free at last, why then am i crying as i write this.

my mother is alone, in care,ill, and that is poetic justice, because thats what happen to me, thats what she done to me, so why dont i feel thats how it should be,simply because she killed any love or feeling i had for her, so why does it happen to them when you dont care anyway, why didnt it happen when it mattered so very much,she, like exn have destroyed and hurt so many lives ,and i still believe they would do the same all over again. i was4 when she put me in care, she is now 84,so ive wasted all those years for an illusion.

I have to say that I can't wholeheartedly agree with the statement that Ns don't like to live alone as I do know that some of them do. The first N I knew 20 years ago spent a lot of time on his own and said (and I quote). "I have to learn to be alone because if I got married and she died, I would be on my own." (English was not his native tongue). The second N also lives alone as he is a widower. I don't know if he has mellowed or not as I only knew him for a year and is over 60, but I cannot envisage him ever living with anyone. He said that he does get lonely sometimes. Once I was in his environment for an extended period of time, the abuse, gaslighting and manipulation started - there did not seem to be much to choose between him and the 27 year old I knew 20 years ago and as far as I am concerned, they were as bad as each other. It would be interesting to know if others know Ns who prefer to live alone, because the two I did certainly did. Rosy

My understanding is they usually get worse. Many narcs depend IMAGE, outward appearances, success, etc...so as they age, their ability to keep this up diminishes as well. They usually have scared off anyone who has tried to care about them. Seems like a very frightening end, and actually sad to think about. Like the sad little boy inside of them...but this isn't helpful to what "is", which is what we have to deal with in the present...

I truly dont know, but I know that my soon to be exN's greatest fear is to grow old alone. He says it all the time.