dark night of the soul: someone please help and please tell me that there is life after this pain?!

You WILL get through this... we are all here FOR YOU, to help, to listen, just someone to talk to. I promise, you will get through this, keep reading & educating yourself. It's a blessing in disguise to be away from a narc. Stay Strong, Keep your head up! You've got a little boy who needs you! XOXOXOXOXOXO

Qing, I will personally attest that we really do get through this. It does get better. MUCH better. Hang in there. You can do this. I felt much like you not so very long ago. I felt like I was working the residual pain and bad karma from xnh out out my life. There were times when I wondered if this black cloud hanging over my life would EVER stop. After 16 years with him, apparently I had QUITE the black cloud over me that took a LOT of purging to get it out of my system. lol. When xnh dumped me for OW, I went for a solid year with every disaster in the universe happening (one right after another). My arthritis was so bad that I could barely walk. My severe osteoporosis bone density scores were backsliding badly. The stress of being in an abusive relationship had reduced my health to the point I could not (literally) make it through a complete week of work without being sick/hurt with something. I have another autoimmune problem that promptly was triggered quite severely from histamine and stress. Naturally, it started pouring down rain every day (I live in the desert and this is NOT normal) until I had weeds the size of trees growing up to the roof of my house (tons of histamine in the air and lots of stress worrying how to cut down the weeds before I got rattlesnakes crawling through them -uck). My property was two acres of tree-sized weeds. One lovely, lovely afternoon I was walking my dogs and the ditch bank collapsed out from under me. I badly broke my ankle and spent the next 11 weeks in a cast. Because of my fractured ankle, I could not drive my own car (stick shift) and (thank GOD) I had a friend loan me hers for most of the 11 weeks. My one dog got cancer (three times) that required expensive surgery. He'd NEVER had cancer ever before. My other dog fell and badly hurt his back (more vets bills and figuring how to take care of two sick dogs in a cast). Finally, right before I got out of the cast, I got my sister to help me trade in my car for a brand-new one that I could drive in a cast (automatic transmission). I'd owned it for 12 days (364 miles on the odometer) when some girl plowed into the back end of it while it was parked at work. She was texting while driving with her baby in the car when she hit mine. I am now the "proud owner" of a brand-new wrecked car. It was in the body shop for a month and I had to drive a rental. I paid the first payment on the car while driving the rental. Within 4 months of getting out my cast, I fell at work and re-fractured my ankle. Thus, began another 9 weeks in a cast again. Meanwhile, during all of this xnh was harassing me at work and stalking me on my personal time to the point that I now have three harassment complaints filed against him, and management moved my office to another floor in the building to get me away from him. He has been reprimanded and told that he is not allowed anywhere near me. Queen Elizabeth once referred to having what she called "annus horribilis". Well, the year after xnh dumped me was mine. However, you know what? Eventually the disasters did start slowing down. My life and my health have steadily improved since xnh D&D'd. I'm 18 months out from the D&D, and I am happy now. My life is GOOD without xnh. My health is so improved that it's like comparing night and day. Personally, I'd live the entire "annus horribilis" over again before I'd be willing to spend another day in a relationship with xnh. I had one really bad year detoxing xnh's vile karma from my world, but I had already spent 16 years in abused misery with him. The year was really bad. However, it was NOTHING compared to the suffering I'd already endured because xnh's NPD. Hang in there. It's rough for you now, but believe me when I tell you there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this, and you will be stronger (and happier) for it. Eventually you will have your own life, and you will be free of the abuse as well. However, I completely understand how hard it is right now, and I really feel for you about what it's like to wonder if you EVER will see the light of day. You will. Just ride this out. Things will get better, and you're SO worth the effort. Huge hugs to you today.

Yes, honey, it hurts. It hurts even if the rest of the life is rather easy and good. Never mind in your situation, when you have so much on your shoulders to deal with. I do admire you courage! And I do not have a single doubts that anyone who really wants will get through it and become a batter person. The NC is the key, the rest will happen naturally. I know you might hate reading this, but TIME DOES HEAL. Now, you have no choice but accepting that you will feel low for a while. Then it will fade and stop. The human spirit has the natural ability to recover.