Day 35 NC

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#1 Sep 26 - 7AM

Sherbear

Day 35 NC

Happy Sunday Everyone....woke up to Day 35 NC today, and I am feeling off balance and very reflective. I thought I would be stronger, so I am reaching out. I am even questioning the NC, (no, I am absolutely not going to break NC), but I am questioning it today. I wonder why? I know this is normal healing, but am so looking forward to when he doesn't cross my mind like this anymore. I know it doesn't matter what he is doing and who he is getting supply from and that he hasn't contacted me either.....I KNOW THAT!! I just wish my heart would catch up with that knowledge!! I think I go back to missing the friend that I had in him 30 years ago and the thought of being friends.....but he IS NOT a friend to me....he comes to me for supply on his terms, it's always all about him, never about me..... I KNOW THIS!! I guess it's just one of those days.

Ugh...thanks for listening!! Hope you all have a great day!
I'll be fine and will check in later...
xoxo
Sherry

#2 Sep 27 - 8AM

tica

Sherry

your story is so sweet, how you met as kids and still have such close bonds with neighborhood friends..guess you are the couple that everyone wonders if will get back together? you are so wise to stay NC and realize that that was THEN and this is NOW..the Nsrc likes to keep us in the past, i think they are terrified of the future because they have good instincts to know that karma will find them eventually. for me, instead of repressing feelinga and getting in to a dark place, I know that I was able to love and not so for the N, if I really am about loving then i see N for what he is and accept it, maybe not like accepting it, but do because I know it is for the best for BOTH...by staying NC the N will be forced to look within at some point,even if it's to better his game, there will a voice telling him that he may try to change his life pattern...but that's not for me to know or to care about...congrats on day 35...i am somewhere @ 3 1/2 months, I think it's a good sign that i have moved on to months instead of days..this happened at day 100!! Keep it going, reaching that day was a huge goal!!

#3 Sep 26 - 4PM

AJRD

I'm with you

NC feels so unnatural to me, but I know it's the smartest thing for me right now. I just so want to have "that guy" back from the first 3 months, but I know that wasn't him. I will be SO damn glad when I don't think of him either, don't care where he is or what he is doing.

#4 Sep 26 - 1PM

michele115 (not verified)

Congrats

On Day 35! Can't wait till I get there

#5 Sep 26 - 8AM

gettinbetter

Good for you on day 35. I

Good for you on day 35. I broke it on day 21 and Oh how I wish I didnt. I feel worse than ever. Yes I too miss my friend though he was not my friend. I miss the days when he was nice, sweet and gentle. I know it is so very hard when you have known them so long. I really struggle with the fact that someone who has been in and out of my life for twenty years is a fraud. Mine was here in town at HS reunion I saw some pics of him as a teenager reminding me that we were 17 when I first came accross him it made me so sentimental. I admire your strength. I wish I had stuck to NC as I feel like I took a hit from the crack pipe and Im feeling like an addict all over again. Keep staying strong!

#6 Sep 26 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

Sherbear

Exactly Sickofit!

I get so sentimental too!! I think of him and I growing up on the same street and first kisses and how we reconnected, and I was so grateful to have him in my life again. He led me to beleive that I was in his heart all thru life and that it was me who came in like an angel and saved him. I beleived I was special....but I am not enough to change him. I know that in my heart. But my heart breaks for the boy that I adored and I miss the fairy tale that we both had a part in creating..... ugh....moving forward!!

#7 Sep 26 - 12PM (Reply to #11)

gettinbetter

Sherbear

what age did you reconnect? mine too acted like he was so glad to have me back in his life

#8 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

Sherbear

We reconnected last year...

I was 41 and he was 43....it was magical!! Before it became a nightmare!! lol

#9 Sep 27 - 7AM (Reply to #15)

passionatebutterfly

too familiar

Just wanted to comment your stories are so freakin similar. Happy to trade emails with you all too, to share. I am well now, but I still get angry when I think how he used our past to get what he wanted from me. Know what I mean?

#10 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #13)

gettinbetter

Omg

I was 41 and he was just turning 43 and yes I happened this time last year. Had he ever been married? what about you? So painful when its someone you have know so long

#11 Sep 26 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Sherbear

OMG!!!

we totally have to hook up and chit chat!! That is just waaayyy too crazy!!! Ask Betty for my email!! Can't wait till we can all chat on the new site!! The pain is unbeleivable!!! Never felt anything like it!!

#12 Sep 26 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

jen79

sherbear

is your story posted? does his name start with c?

#13 Sep 26 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

Sherbear

Hey Jen...

No I still need to post my story...I seem to be procrastinating that for some reason..... No, his name starts with an M....does my story sound familiar???

#14 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

jen79

Sherbear

sounds familiar, my N's first love is the one he always talked about, that he made a mistake to leave her and that he loves her so much that he would give his life for her and that he wants to take care of her, when she is old. This haunted me for long, then I found out, that they still met since for sex, I found emails where he wrote love things in a way he never talked to me. This haunted me for long. And they know each other for 30 years. Thats why I thought it might be you.

#15 Sep 26 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

Sherbear

omg!!

No, it is not me but Wow!! Holy resemblance! I hope I will always remain in a special place in his heart (what he's got of one!) This thought is what holds me back the most I think....that we ruined what could have been just a good friendship, but it got romantic.....and I am not going to settle for him treating me like one of his floozy's. I deserve more than that! And this is me standing up for myself, despite my pain. Wow, how weird would it have been if we shared a narc!!

#16 Sep 26 - 3PM (Reply to #7)

jen79

sherbear

I am convinced he really loves her. I think she is the only one he ever really loved, maybe cause they were teenagers, something must have happened after and his heart is closed ever since. He talked about her all the time and he compared me with her non stop. The way I look, my hips are like her, she is german like me, the sex technics, that she is the best and that I have to learn to suck his c**k like she did. I said I am jealous he loves her so much, he just said how can you be jealous of a woman I met before you were even born (he is 50, I am 31 now). I said to him, why on earth are you not together with her then, he said its her, she doesnt want to see him any more. BUT. I have read the emails, she wants him back, but she wants him to fight for her, she doesnt want to be the whore any more she was for him the last 30 years. And he is too coward to do it. TOO coward. Instead he is now hunting around, breaking womens heart, comparing all of them with her...he could just go back to her. Why on earth doesnt he do it??? He said to me in the beginning, he was looking for somehting like me for 30 years now and has finally found it. He ment he was looking for someone like her. Then he dumped me, didnt go back to her, instead he went back to an ex he always bitched about. Crazy son of a bitch.

#17 Sep 26 - 7PM (Reply to #9)

agnesmurphy17

He doesn't Love Her

Mine used to talk about this one woman as if she was the love of his life. It's a foil. It's a means to devalue YOU by comparison. When the women who replaced me contacted me after she left him . . . he was constantly holding me over her as if I were the Holy Grail. And, even made up things about me that were not true. But, these qualities which he made up about me . . . they were the qualities he's trying to extract out of the women he's with. Virtually everything a true psychopath says is not true. Almost everything is made up.

#18 Sep 28 - 4AM (Reply to #10)

jen79

Agnesmuurphy WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks so much for your comment. I think you are godsent. What an epiphany moment, yes this was not about her, this was about devaluing ME. WOW!!!! Its so obvious, but my hurt about this was so strong, I couldnt see it. Why on earth would someone let you fly in from another continent (14 hours fly) just to tell you how much MORE he likes someone else. I never got that anyway. And its true, if she was the ONE, nothing could have stopped him from being with her. In the emails I read when I was there - after this 14 hours flight, I read that they talked with each other days before I came, she wanted him to fly over to her, he just said: I'd love too. And then he let ME fly in??? How sick. You are right, this wasnt about her, but a D&D by devaluing me through constant comparising to melk out of me what he wants to melk out of a woman. Thanks for the clarification, this was my constant horror since one and half year. Thanks so much!!!!

#19 Sep 26 - 3PM (Reply to #8)

Sherbear

Crazy SOB!!

Boy, that is right. They make absolutely no sense whatsoever!! He could be with her!!! Why doesn't he??? Instead of being a predator and breaking everyone's hearts and lives. We met at 12 and him 14, we lived on the most amazing street growing up, tons of kids and we were all so close even to this day, we are all connected. Each other's First kiss etc...but a few years later, his parents sent him away to boarding school 2 states away for several years and I moved on to more boys in high school and he said he never knew how to approach me again. This absolutely destroyed him and he talked and cried with me about it, and I believed he was finding some peace with it with me. When we reconnected, he told me that I was the first girl he ever loved and that he only loved one other women, his ex, late wife, and she destroyed his heart. But he told me I was already in his heart before he slammed the door. I helped him and he helped me in a very vulnerable time in our lives when we reconnected....we helped each other like only we could have for each other. And we both talked of the future and our fairy tale love, but then his narcness got the best of him and he pretty much dismissed me....I will never understand why. It shattered me. For 5 months I tried to accept him where he was and believe I was strong enough as a christian to be his friend despite his bad behavior. But I know now that is not my job. I pray I get to a point of indifference so that when reunions happen, we can be civil and enjoy the uniqueness of our street and friends. I HOPE!! Yes, this is very hard. I knlw I have to let him go and stay NC, if I ever stand a chance of being civil at reunions. And I refuse not to go....these are special times to me. Ugh, anyway....I pray that I can learn to accept the blessings of what he did for me and my healing and appreciate him for that, but am indifferent enough to not care what he is doing and who he is doing it with. NC and time! Winning combo!

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