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To deal with knowing you're being portrayed as a stalker

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#1 Sep 23 - 2PM
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

To deal with knowing you're being portrayed as a stalker

I've been fairly successful at nc. I work with the n. I'm tired of isolating myself and want to get back to work social functions. Also want to attend lesbian functions that I know she and the ow (other iw, for God's sake) will be there. When I first started seeing her she had stories of her many, stalking admirers. Later, she lured me into looking like a stalker. This really hurts. Makes me feel sick to think of it. Amy practical advice snout what to do or think when I feel like she's telling others I'm a stalker? This especially sucks since I work with these folks (though I'm well liked and respected, which helps).

Sep 24 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

She will need a reason for

She will need a reason for you departure. Of course you are the crazy one! People know the truth. No worries. Hunter
Sep 24 - 12PM (Reply to #15)
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

Thanks, Hunter

Thanks. Another thought that's bothersome is that she'll probably portray me as a sad, older woman with an inexplicably desperate and confused crush on her -- for no reason. I think she may leave out the small details, such as her dogged pursuit of me and our 4 months of sleeping together. And our love that would last forever. And by forever, she meant "12 weeks" :). Sigh.
Sep 24 - 2PM (Reply to #16)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

That sucks

Yeah, that sucks. Like Hunter says NC, NC, NC... the next step is Indifference, Indifference, Indifference. I need to imagine visuals sometimes so I don't see him as a person but as a spinning tornado caught up in his own orbit, randomly touching down to cause havoc and destruction. Or a black hole sucking people in. Try to de-humanize her in your mind so that you're not looking at another physical being. Let us know what else works.
Sep 24 - 1AM
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The best way to discount what she says is to stand tall and

say nothing about her to anyone...nothing at all. Be friendly, courteous, and humble and do not mention her at all. meanwhile, she will go around talking trash about you- and you are dignified and quiet- it will be obvious to many who is the sicko. and it is not you! This will take real discipline because you will want to somehow defend yourself and shed the light on her sickness..but if I were someone at the event- and I saw you saying nothing and being friendly and dignified and I saw her talking shit about you- I would know who was the good person and who was the evil one. Stand Tall! You are worthy, you are good, and you are special!
Sep 24 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

Say nothing

Excellent advice. I've been pretty successful at that at work, though it has been tough.
Sep 23 - 6PM
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

Any other advice?

Anything at all . :)
Sep 23 - 2PM
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

Sorry about the typos. Tiny

Sorry about the typos. Tiny iPod keyboard. "any practical advice" is what I meant to ask.
Sep 23 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I feel the same way. I am not

I feel the same way. I am not going to isolate myself because we may run into each other at events. Which is bound to happen, and has. My advice for what it's worth: Go to places and functions, keep your head held high and maintain your composure even if it's killing you on the inside. Maybe you have a friend you can attend things with? It worked for me, I didn't feel so exposed and I had a great time! But only do it when you are ready. Screw what others think, they will see the truth in time, just as you have. Xoxo
Sep 24 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

I went to the event

She wasn't there and i had a great time with old friends. Tonight, I go to a coworker get together. I'm bringing a friend. A rather harmless, but good looking womanizer. He's staight forward in his womanizing. I can respect that. He never told me I was "the one". :).
Sep 24 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

A Normal Womanizer!

Love that - a normal womanizer. Garden variety. I forgot that they were out there. They seem pretty harmless now!!
Sep 24 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

Seriously harmless womanizers

They do exist. I spent many years with one who spoke of "philandering with integrity" and he did. No confusion. He was quite kind. Nothing at all like dealing with the cruel psychopath.
Sep 24 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

What a huge smile your post

What a huge smile your post gave me. Good for you honey! Awesome awesome awesome. I am off to the last big road race of the season to support a good friend of mine - he will be there and I could give a shit. It is going to be a great time and I am really looking forward to it. Thanks for sharing - it makes me want to go all the more. Xoxo
Sep 24 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

:)

Have a great time! Oh, and after the big lesbian event I made out with some guy I've never met before. In his car. Like a teenager. Proud? Not particularly. Traumatized? Not a bit. Distractions are welcome. I guess I'm getting better. I didn't think about HER when it was happening. :)
Sep 24 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

I love it!

I totally made out with my good friend from work last night. At work. Yep, like I was 16... And I am 41 years old! Honey, I wasn't thinking about anything but that fabulous tongue... :) He is here wearing that stupid cycling cap that makes his head look like a misshapen penis... Good times. Xoxo
Sep 23 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
It.Was.All.Abou...
It.Was.All.About.Her.'s picture

Thanks

Thanks, i agree. I will definitely go with a friend. I do hold my head high. Every day at work. And I have no reason not to. The only thing I did wrong us trust someone. The worst thing I did to her is give her too much credit. To see her, especially with Simeon else (and I'm sure I'll have re opportunity to see her with many). Brings back that terrible, terrible moment when she paraded around with the new ow. All smug. Both of them. 3 days after telling me how special and appreciated I was. And the sick, sick realization they I had no idea what I had been dealing with and how fooled I had been.
Sep 24 - 3AM (Reply to #4)
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

I agree!

You said: The only thing I did wrong us trust someone. And trusting someone is not wrong! I feel the same way. I trusted. I believed. And you know what?! I would do it again! Because I am a good person. And I want to believe that people are good and that they can love and keep commitments. I know I messed up and stayed with the sissy Narc boy for too long. I should have ran away a long time ago.