deposition

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#1 Apr 19 - 4PM
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

deposition

Hi Ladies,

Just asking for any advice any of you may have regarding court depositions. I have one this coming Wed. for my divorce. I have some ideas of course regarding what may be asked and will have my attorney available for consultation. Nevertheless, this is very scary for me. I don't want to say anything that may incriminate me (though of what I have no idea) but of course do not trust his attorney to do anything but try to harm me and my testimony. I have informed my attorney of how I feel N has abused me emotionally and financially and hope to defend my instances of behavior as "reactive abuse". Not that bad: I hacked his email one time and went to OUR house when he wasn't present . Both times I found evidence of misuse of mutual funds, money spent on girlfriends and many other unneccesary expenses, etc. etc. So......Any other thoughts would be helpful.. I know i am not to answer anything other than what is asked and to limit responses as much as possible so as to not supply anything else that may be detrimental to me. Thanks, CM

Apr 20 - 1AM
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Deposition

I agree, just be honest. Worry about yourself and staying focused on being appropriate. From my experience with my N, give him enough rope and he will hang himself. Without being very aggressive at all, my attorney let my N make a complete ass of himself on the stand. He rambled on about his bad relationship with our teenage daughter, talked about his alcoholism, and exposed his flakiness in his living situation. This was all his own doing, just because he likes the sound of his own voice. It really worked against him, as we had a very conservative judge who awarded full custody and more child support than he was paying before the court date to me. The N was also ordered to pay back support that he owed me! Just sit back and wait for him to get caught up in his own lies. That is my advice. Good luck!
Apr 20 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

deposition - one more thing

do NOT be afraid to ask the attorney to repeat the question, speak up, speak more slowly or to say "I didn't understand you" or "I don't understand the question." When I used to paralegal I saw attorneys & detectives talk fast or even mumble to try to rattle people. Remain calm and be honest and brief. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 19 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ace-ing the deposition

"The following is from an attorney who learned about Narcissism prior to his divorce and was thereby able to have his attorney provoke the Narcissist to totally lose it on the stand: I am an attorney and have recently gone through and finished a divorce with my ex-Narcissist spouse. I also had my deposition taken (I have taken many myself. I hereby offer you some gratuitous legal and strategic advice which should be no means conflict with whatever your attorney tells you. Not knowing which state you live in, it is impossible for me to offer any kind of specific legal advice, and it would be improper for me to do so anyway. I scored a perfect "100" in my deposition taken by my Narcissist-ex and lawyer. I adhered to the following rules: 1. Never look at the Narcissist. The lack of attention will be very upsetting to the Narcissist. It is a kind of narcissistic injury. Do not acknowledge their existence. (You can get a doctor's letter stating you have PTSD from the Narc and under ADA Accomodations should not be present in court when they are.) 2. Whether their lawyer believes their BS is irrelevant. There is an old reworked saying - "Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a Narcissist scorned". The lawyer may try to rattle you or make you uncomfortable. Ignore such attempts. Remain calm, cool and professional and answer all questions honestly and slowly. Give your lawyer time to object before you answer. 3. Most Important!! ALWAYS tell the truth even if you think an answer to a question will make you look foolish, silly, or anything else. Do not attempt to explain your answers to make them sound better. Keep your answers brief and to the point. Do not ramble or tell stories. Regarding Depositions: Just remember that the purpose of a deposition is not to change anyone's mind. The purpose of a deposition is to "freeze" your testimony in writing so that any change or departure at trial can be used to hang you. That is why it is so important to tell the simple truth and not to embellish. Do not try to prove yourself right or Narcissist wrong. Just remember - if you lie, you die! The time and place to deal with the Narcissist is in the courtroom. Let your lawyer do his job. Family law judges are disgustingly used to the lying and emotionality that goes along with divorces. You must at all costs wear the white gloves and do nothing to indicate to the judge that you are sneaky or vengeful. Remember, though, at the end of the day, family law courts are generally not interested in the emotional aspects of your divorce. Most states are "no fault" divorce states, and even though judges are people and have emotions, generally they are interested in numbers and custody issues. Judges do tend to ignore all the drama, but if you can get a Narcissist to lie under oath and properly expose them, this will have a bearing on the witness' credibility with the judge. That is why it SO important for us to tell the truth at all times no matter how foolish we may think we look AND for us to conduct ourselves in a Calm, Rational and Dignified manner. " ~~~~~~~~~ I would add that if the stalking or hacking comes up - just have a pat statement like, "That was out of character for me and I now realize I am suffering from PTSD because of that relationship and am getting treatment." Just keep giving that same sentence over & over & over if the line of questioning goes on about your 'state of mind.' Practice saying it over & over - like a robot. If any attorney asks who is treating you - say "my therapist or my doctor" - if they ask if you are on medication you can either say "yes" or "I am doing therapy." You don't have to keep answering if the attorneys try to portray you as mentally ill. PTSD is a trauma disorder NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS. Tell YOUR ATTORNEY not to let any questioning of your state of mind go very far and you can say "I don't see where that is relevant." REMAIN CALM AND FOCUSED. As the spouse - you have a right to know the financial status of your supporting spouse. The attorneys will try to rattle you - just smile, look them in the eye and give a pat statement over & over & over. "As a spouse with severe physical ailment I had a right to know where things stood financially." and "That was out of character for me and I now realize I am suffering from PTSD because of that relationship and am getting treatment." Don't ramble - don't try to justify what they throw at you. Stick to short answers like the above. When in doubt say, "please ask my lawyer about that" ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/