Betty. My N actually used that phrase. When i said why are you doing this to us. He just coldy said "honeymoon is over". ugggggh i cried for days, i didnt even know what that meant. i wonder if he knows hes a narc
Before I discovered what narcissism was... I knew he had this pattern of getting really excited about something or someone for like 6 months... and then moving onto the next obsession. Just never thought it would be me!
And he probably still thinks he does. I think obsession is closer to what he felt/feels. If he loved me, he wouldn't be able to hurt me the way he has. But with his twisted thinking, he thinks that being obsessed and wanting no one else to have me is LOVE.
Not the same at all.
says it all: The narc loved you in the only way he could.
And after it's all said and done (sigh), it was definitely not love. I love hamburgers, but I end up devouring them :D .
I don't want to be loved like a hamburger!
My relationship with my exNarc has made me revamp my definition of love. I mean, like if my definition of love was a house, I brought in a wrecking ball and smashed it and then burned it.
I was taught by my NPD father and victim mother their version of love. I was a child, I just accepted what I was taught. I've lived one half of my life with no idea what love for one adult human being for another IS.
It was neediness and desperation and feeling "high", on top of the world. And then putting up with a total bunch of abuse. All in the name of love.
Did my exN love me? Hell no. He couldn't. He needed me. I was his battery pack. He recharged himself with my vital energies. And what he gave me back was flattery and lies, while he ate me alive.
It FELT like "love". It was a beautiful feeling. It felt like the real thing. But that was MY love for him. And him being a master faker and mimic and manipulator :(
I didn't see it this way until about two months NC. At three plus years NC, I know beyond a doubt he did not love me, it was never love.
Does that mean I wasn't lovable? At first, that's what I thought. After I realized what my exNarc was, a Narc, a disturbed, useless and broken being, I realized he didn't have the capacity to love anyone, and I needed to take another look at what I thought love really was.
It was after the D&D that a friend of mine made a wise observation--my ex-Psychopath professor was NEEDIER than me. He was so dependent on my praise/encouragement/unconditional love, that when I tried to make closure--he was REALLY upset. When I told him I'd go to other professors for advice on my writing, he hoovered me (in my junior year) When I told him I wanted him to be happy with his curator girlfriend--he was upset.
My friend said that cutting ties was easier for me than for him. He was so needy that he tried to sabotage my teaching career (I'm sure he wanted to either be the savior, or me be angry at him--he wanted SUPPLY,any supply,but I ignored him) There's something pathetic, because my ex-P is old enough to be my father.
He sees his students merely as fuel for his ego... which really perverts the teacher/student relationship.
I love this post , when i think back all the d&d was when i asked somthing from him , some suport mostly emotional and the sick narcissist showed me the door , lord it is so sad , he looks normal he can act normal but inside is where the sickness is, twisted , disturbed and i believe tortured , i do think my narc knew there was something very wrong with him , he will never be happy , he will have 100 honeymoon periods with 100 diffrent women , i think he is destained to be alone for ever , i guess that is what narcissist are , the me , i ,self ,all means alone .
Everybody is different. But from observation which i recently made while being NC, mine did not love me at all. Like many of people here said they treat us only like objects, and i started to believe it very strongly. Maybe he thought he loved you, but they are not really able to love, they simply do not know what love is and they just call this feeling they have while being with us love. Love = access to good supply
Mine said, when confronted months later about how he only wanted "to be friends" in this undefined way... and he was being evasive about his feelings, etc.. and I was freaking out because of course, this is the man who pursued me as his soulmate, love of his life, the PERFECT WOMAN, his wonderful angel, blah blah was now telling me this...
he says.. well, I was projecting a lot onto you then, because I was so happy and I felt like I was 24 again.
Um... WTFâ„¢ does that mean? (Other than the fact that he said "I" four times in that sentence.) If I was the reason he was so happy, then how was he "projecting" my good qualities and love on to me for it? Just a glimpse into how bizarre they are about even processing the concept of love. So I guess when he didn't feel 24 anymore then he didn't love me anymore. And he stopped "projecting" on to me.
When i read this for some reason the song "I dont wanna grow up, i wanna stay young, i just wanna be a toys r us kid" came into my mind...God i am seriously loosing it..
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
great article for me because it is still a question in my mind despite everything I have learned that says otherwise. And i finally saw the answer that I had thought 'in the best way he was able to'.
I read your story and I think you're amazing. Humor is the highest form of intelligence. Now I'm going to be hearing that song in my head all day:)
thanks for the great post.
When the honeymoon is over,
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Betty. My N actually used
Isent it just awful how they
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Yeah...
HE thought he loved me
The last line
He is needier than me
I love this post , when i
Everybody is different. But
Mine said, when confronted
When i read this for some
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
great article for me because
almostlydia
Im telling ya girl, that
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Or Rod Stewart
OMG!
Amy
OH HELL YA!!! only one way
only one way to go...Forward (tm?)
Damn You Betty2020