Do any of you agree with this

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jaycee
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Do any of you agree with this

Both my brother and my sister, whom feel terrible about me feeling so overwhelmingly sad and in so much pain, have both told me, no matter what, and they no nothing about N's except what I have explained to them, say that although they have known my hN for well over twenty years that someone like him cannot and will not ever find true happiness. they both say that all these years they joked how he loved himself, called him mr. beautiful, with his gym and tanning and constant grooming, rather than putting his energy into me and our kids. they both say they think he is using his current whore, and that he cannot possibly love her, that she is fulfilling his desire to be young and admired (as she is almost fifteen years younger than us, although she looks older than me) and that there is no way he will marry her. they both believe that because (now that they know) he is a serial cheater, his sexual behavior will not change, he will continue to seek sexual pleasure from whomever will give it to him and he will move on from one to the next, and not even stay with her for a homebase, they also both believe that he will wiggle his way back home at some point and that is the reason he continues to pay all the bills here at the house, they dont believe he does anything out of guilt or remorse, he only does things because he has alterior motives, do any of you agree with them, as they have never heard the term Narcissistic personality disorder?

Chloe
Chloe's picture
I didn't know what
I didn't know what "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" truly was either when I was going through the motions, but I knew of it's behaviors that went along with it. Ask yourself, What kind of a father is this selfish guy? Have that be your driving force. Another thing to understand is that narcissists are compulsive liars. They lie on a dime.
helldweller
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Whoreable life! LOL
That perfectly describes the narc's life, Jaycee! Mine went anywhere he could get free admiration, free food, free booze, a free boat ride, a free sundeck--all from his admirers who coudln't believe they were friends with a judge. Oooooooo. He whored himself to everyone and, yes, needed young girls to make him feel young and desirable (becuase my adoring enslavement wasn't enough, I guess). I honestly don't think he wanted to do any of this stuff; he always said he hated going out, etc. but he had to whore himself to get what he needed, to get his fix. No better than his foster child's heroin-addicted, prostitute mother. My friend's mom called mine "Mr. Wonderful." My brother would call him "that guy," and my mom would just call him "that person." She would not even name him.
jen79
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jaycee
listen to them. They are right. He will never be happy, not really, and he will continue using one woman after another. They are all just objects to him. They are not capable of love, they can only mimick it. Happy people dont lie, cheat, betray, decieve, manipulate, abuse, use, control, walk all over you. Only unhappy people do. What they think is happiness is infact a thrill, thrill of the chase, thrill of control, thrill of feeling superior...short term lived this high, after that comes depression - always - so they seek out to the next supply. He will never experience real happiness, thats why they make people so unhappy around them...and thats why he needs others to make them happy, he is always searching outside of himself, cause he cant create this happiness inside of him....
imabloke
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Jen u r dead right
'...he is always searching outside of himself, cause he cant create this happiness inside of him.' They haven't got the capacity or emotional toolkit whatever you want to call it to be happy with themselves... She - my ex.. could not stand an her own two feet.. hated being on her own...
ShaynasMommy
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Its true, jaycee
Truly happy people don't do this. They have actual lives and are too damn busy to F with someone else's like that. My exN, after a brief confrontation with me at work one day, because I told him to take a hike, said "that's ok, at least I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY! Like he was trying to infer that I wasn't, but said it in a roundabout way (reverse projection?) Thing is, he had a tear in his eye and a snivering sound in his voice when he said that as he turned tail and skulked away. Im sure it was more out of frustration than actual greif. I calmly said, No, "M", I don't think you will. And it was true. He never got happy. The skank he left me for dumped him and went back to her own husband. The woman he frantically scrambled for after that to patch up his ego broke up with him because 4 years later she got tired of him dangling the marriagae carrot over her head. And so on. This type of thing will happen over and over and over, trust me. Its not healthy for you to obsess over it. You need to take care of you and your kids right now. Don't worry about him being happy. He is not, and never will be at peace until he is dead. The reason he can't be with you, is because N's cannot handle grown up women of quality, like yourself. They will forever play baby games with girls who are just like them and continue to hurt real women. They just can't run with the big dogs, so to speak. Be proud of the fact that you were the one to kick him to the curb finally. Keep it that way, but you have to find a way to go NC for the pain to lessen. I wish I had been the one to dump mine finally, instead of him dumping me at the altar. It was very embarassing for me at the time.
jaycee
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do any of you agree
Jen, thanks for your reply, Im so glad you agree with them, they are both awsome siblings to have, they feel so sad for me, yet they believe i did the right thing by throwing him out, they just cant understand why i allowed this for twenty four years. they know how i adored him and love him, well, they illusion of him, but they think hes a sick individual with multiple problems they cant understand his addiction to illegal steroids, whores, and they gym and tanning too, they just are such good human beings that comprehending such behavior is difficult for them, as well as for me. we come from such a good family and would never intentionally hurt others, i mean everyone has problems, but to be so deceitful and such a liar, and on top of that continue to come to me everyday with the i love yous, miss you, regret this, etc, they both believe that is adding salt to the wounds and they agree no contact would help me heal faster. im soooo glad you agree with them, as they really dont understand this whole N thing. they do understand hes a "I love myself kinda guy." but thats the extend of their knowledge of N

Jaycee

jen79
jen79's picture
jaycee
Yes NC would be the best for you. I needed my time to go full NC, but believe me, now I see, there is no other way. He will always try to press the reset button. You are the wife, if the current "whore" wakes up, becomes too demanding, suddenly makes up her own mind, or HE gets bored of her, it is likely that he will try to get his food again into your life completely. Then when his ego got hurt, he either seeks out for the next ego stroke with another "whore", or he decides, it is time to rest a bit at "home". And he is already preparing this step, he pays the bills and so on. We always make the mistake to think we are the exception to their behaviour. But we are not. You either do have respect for human beings in general, or you don't. And they dont. Go NC! No other way, He will try to come back one day. He is now trying to keep you in the hold with his I love yous and I miss yous...he is trying to keep you in - just in case he changes his mind one day...He is such an ass to do that. he is not thinking one second of you and how this might impact you... I hope you find the strength!
Playedwithfire
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coming back for more?
He will always try to press the reset button. You are the wife, if the current "whore" wakes up, becomes too demanding, suddenly makes up her own mind, or HE gets bored of her, it is likely that he will try to get his food again into your life completely. Then when his ego got hurt, he either seeks out for the next ego stroke with another "whore", or he decides, it is time to rest a bit at "home". This is currently what my STBAXH is doing after I threw him out in June. but i wonder if he is playing some, because I initiated the ending, he brought up how wants to divorce me, but was that not MY plan in the first place? ! ? I think he just needed to take control of the situation. Im not sure if he really wants the sep agreement or keeps menitoning it b/c he wants me to feel that he does. We are less and less comunicative and its been 1 week of NC? My friends see his behaviour and think he still thinks he's coming back. But from what he has flaunted in my face with the new gf and acting like a family when my kids go on his weekends, makes me think he is gone forever. I just dont know what he is up too. Except trying to impress her like crazy, trying to make his way into her house, hook/line/sinker-ing her by fulfilling her need for a ride in his shiney sports car. but.. will this last? Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

jaycee
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coming back for more
played, you know he doesnt want a divorce, he just wants to act like hes the one in control, and wants you to feel really bad about everything and feel you are too blame, dont play into it, tell him you want a divorce and you are through playing his games and then youll see him run for cover, he ll be a jerk at first then he ll be begging you but do you want him, i kept accepting my N's cheating for twenty four years, i wish i let him go twenty three years ago...........they never change they always abuse the wife, because they know or think they know they can......sorry for your pain

Jaycee

Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture
Hi Jaycee You are completely
Hi Jaycee You are completely right. After getting the separation agreement, he all of a sudden wants shared custody and the kids 50 50 split. He never wanted the kids before. He is so blatent, ready to take action to "resolve this as soon as possible". Cant wait to see how this plays out, I responded to him with have your lawyer call my lawyer... :) Playedwithfire

Playedwithfire

jaycee
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hi jaycee you are completely
playedwithfire, thanks for agreeing, so sorry yours is being a total n, mine never cared less about the kids and now that they are older, they mean even less to him, trust me, hes just trying to get a reaction from you. too bad they would use kids to do so........good luck stick with your lawyer, he should do right by you.........jaycee

Jaycee

jaycee
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do any of you agree
jen, thanks again, love to read replies, yes he is a cruel monster to keep me hanging on, he keeps saying i miss you dearly and i wish i could turn back the clock and never did this with her, i wish you never threw me out, etc...you know the lines. and his current whore, well there are a few, but the one that pushed me so hard to throw him out, with her torturing ways to let me know she wanted him so bad, is completely opposite of me, demanding, controlling, wants to marry him and have kids, yeah right, he didnt like his wife, me or our beautiful children, shes dillusional, she thinks she saved him from his horrible life with me, now he has his whorable life with her, shes unbelievable, she thinks shes the cats meow and she won the prize. i think he misses not me, but the freedom i gave him, the no pressure life with a beautiful smart fun caring human being which is me..........i dont think he misses me, he misses that life, thats all.... im so glad you are in agreement with my sister and brother and so glad you can already see his motives and you dont even know him, ps one of his other whores has been calling him non stop on our family phone (we have family plan, his mine the kids, and i am in charge of the account, hes so dumb) and he has been calling her alot lately too, as she cant call the cell he has with his current whore, who pays for that as well as buys him and pays for everything over there (including his very expensive illegal steroids, as she loves his steroid body) so he can pay everything here......lol so shes getting hers too bad she doesnt have a clue........do you think she will ever catch on?

Jaycee

ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture
Nice, Jaycee!
So basically the whore is paying your bills for you. that's awesome!
jaycee
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Nice, Jaycee!
shaynasmommy, i like that, you hit the nail on the head so yes, basically the whore is paying my bills......lol and yes she is the same one who tortured me etc......but now shes his homebase and he has his other whore on the side already and theyve only lived together for four months............he moves very fast.....he doesnt like just one whore he needs two or three at the very least.........he is a disgusting pig

Jaycee

ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture
Well Jaycee,
I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall at their house when she realizes she is paying your bills. And if she knows already, then she's stupid b/cause she figures that she's getting a great man in return for her investment. Oh God, the irony is killing me! ROFLMAO!
jaycee
jaycee's picture
well jaycee
Yes the irony of it all. she does know that all his money is going to pay all the bills here, obviously, but i dont think shes smart enough to get it. if shes paying for everything there, and hes not contributing at all, except in bed and in his bs lines to her, then in actuality, shes paying the bills here. sounds weird but if she has double the load with him there and gets nothing from him, guess what, what shes doubling up on is her contribution to my household. i hope that came out right. im sure you get it. lol shes just a dumb desperate whore, who thinks she won, she fought so hard for him to leave me for over two years and he didnt, she fought so hard in the end i threw him out, so actually i won, he didnt leave me i gave him to her. ye, she maybe dillusionally happy right now and i maybe sad and crying and so devastated, but when reality hits, her world will crumble ten thousand times the way mine did, and she will deserve it, she knew he had a family and she knew she had to sneak around with him but she wanted him so bad, dont wish for things they say........

Jaycee

ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture
Exactly right, Jaycee
Be careful what you wish for. It sounds like you are stronger than you think. You had the guts and the riteous indignation to get rid of him for good. You have a great survival instinct. Your kids should be proud of their mom. It hurts a lot right now, but I can tell the more you learn about this "affliction" the better and stronger you will be. You are not the type of woman to settle for bullshit. Keep on keepin' on, make him squirm.
jaycee
jaycee's picture
exactly right jaycee
shaynasmommy, i wish i were strong like u think but i am weak, i have put up with his bs on and off for twenty four years, i have worn the mask of illusion and pretended to have a good marriage and even convinced myself i was happy just to have my family, that was so stupid of me, i would have been so much younger and had so much more to offer had i gotten rid of the bastard years ago, but everytime he put the mask back on and oh hes incredibly charming and says all the right things, i fell for it. im trying to be strong, but really sad right now. our son has been in Iraq for over a year i have been sick over that with worry and saddness and fear, but hes finally in the states, i have dreamed of the two of us picking him up at the airport for so long and now, tomorrow i will drive the two hours to the airport alone to greet our son our beautiful son, my hero, such a great young man, and I alone will make the trek and his father, whom he hates, thank God, will spend another weekend with his whore at the beach, probably not even remembering his son will finally be home, well for a couple of weeks, i cry as i tell you this, because my illusion with this man was so strong that sometimes i catch myself thinking any of it was real, the only real thing that came of it is our children..oh i wish i were as strong as you think...........

Jaycee

ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture
Jaycee....pls read
oh honey....... I am on the verge of crying right now you are breaking my heart. there is so much I want to communicate with you but Im afreaid I would clog up the board rite now, are you comfortable with exchanging emails with me? If so I will ask Betty to give you mine. I want you to really think about not saying you are strong, becasue I have to respectfully disagree with you! You see the fact that you stayed for 24 years as weakness, honey I see it as strength! you didnt want to give up on your marriage, hoping it would get better. We all make mistakes like that! I used to hit myself over the head for loving a narc for 7 years straight, until my friend told me it was never a mistake to love someone. Your sadness does not make you weak. Your willingess to try over and over again does not make you weak. Your determination to make it work for the sake of your children did not make you weak, not in my book. Im sure if I had had babies with my ex I would have done that too, but thank God I didnt and I could walk away. But that still took guts too, as we had a 7 year history together. Really, I think you should give yourself more credit. You are not fundamentally weak, or else your husband would not have chosen you. He just had you hooked so well, and the bastard has the arrogance to believe that he would be able to keep you on a string forever no matter what he does. prove him wrong, girl! And Im serious, please email me and I want to do what I can to help you sort this out. Its a process and you should turn to all the support you can. You need ppl to help "talk you down off the ledge" so to speak. I can read the anger in your posts. I can't always respond to mail right away but I do get back to them. let me know, if not then thats ok too. Hang in there, sister. Its the weekend, go out and do something nice for yourself or go out with your girlfriends. Anything to give yourself a recess from this.
jaycee
jaycee's picture
jaycee please read
shaynasmommy, i would love to exchange emails, but who is betty? How is it possible to get someone's email from here. and by the way thank you for your beautiful words i feel a little better just dreading the two hour ride alone to pick up our son, as his douchebag father and his whore lay on the beach sunning themselves.......yes angry he stays with her, sad i could no longer take the abuse.......please let me know who betty is and yes i would love to email......

Jaycee

ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture
RE:Jaycee please read
Betty is our site moderator, and she has said that if anyone wants to communicate via email, then she can arrange that. I think our email addy's might be somewhere on site hwen we registered? I can't remember, but I will find out.
jaycee
jaycee's picture
re: jaycee please read
shaynasmommy let me know how to do it...jaycee

Jaycee

jen79
jen79's picture
jaycee
I am sorry for you, of course you are sad. Be happy your son is back. I am sure it will help you, that he is now there again. And listen to him! He hates him! Listen jaycee, never ever feel guilty to have loved, fighted, and not given up. Maybe he was not real, but your feelings were and your love. Own them, they are not necessarily attached to him, they are yours. Never forget that.your love was real, he was not, but love is a state of being, like happiness, the love is not restored in HIM, it is in you...and you dont need him to feel that way!!!! Hugs!!!
jaycee
jaycee's picture
jaycee
Thanks Jen, I am so sad this morning again, and unfortunately, you are so right, he was not real nor did he love me, but my love was so real and enduring that the wounds are so deep I dont know if I will ever feel truly better again. even if I could stop obsessing, my heart will never be whole again. he took with him a very large part of me, a part that was so true to him and so very much my life. I say they took my life from me, and in a sense they did. it may have been an illusion, but it was mine, and no one has the right to do that to anyone else and damn i wish it were a crime and they both would go to jail. someday, i pray, i will wake up and not even think of him and what he is doing and why he is continuing his facade with this girl. i hope that the more he continues cheating with the others, the more he will be sick and tired of her demanding and controlling ways and just move onto to someone else, someone who would have had no part of the end of my marriage. I am though, even through my great saddness, so grateful God brought my son back to me whole and alive and I will be able to finally give him a hug again, it was hard wanting to while he was so far away. he is an amazing human being, and I am blessed to have him love and respect me the way he does, and that is something my HN will never have, and as for his whore, she will never know either of our children, as neither wants to ever even meet her. thank God they both put me first, and thank God my selfish hN doesnt even want them to meet her, as he could careless about anyone but himself.

Jaycee

Used
Used's picture
jaycee
yep he is a disgusting pig, and one day, you will look at him and wonder what you ever saw in him, i know when i looked at exh about 5 years ago i thought what did i see in him, but i couldnt believe i felt so indiffrent, and when i found out this year he had been in a relationship for years, i said i wonder what his chat up line was,cos i remember his chat up line, promised me love and protection, got hate and abused but we were laughing , one day i will tell the board the reason i was told about his "bird". pure nark talk.and pretty unbelievable.
jen79
jen79's picture
jaycee
This woman, who pays his stuff and who tormented you and your family is the same person, right? Well first of all, this stuff like saving him from his horrible life, she surely didn't make that up by her mind, she heard that from HIM. That's what they always do, I was on the other side with this P, and they bitch about they ex/wifes...telling horrible stories to present themselves as the victim. Then telling stuff like, I was waiting for you, just give me more time...I am so locked in that life, I dont want yadda yadda yadda.... And now he is already cheating on HER as well with another whore? Jesus...for her I hope she finds out, she might be love maniac, maybe she is already crazy, but maybe he made her that way...I went crazy a few times too, I never behaved that way with anyone before... So thats his game, keeping you all in, the wife, the whore, and another whore, in case both fails. His muscle steroid I hope it makes his balls shrink...This user. Jaycee, never ever let this man come back! Make a vow for you and your children, I grew up with a narc father, I wished my mother would have waken up earlier...better no father than such a jerk... I am so sorry for you. It gets better the moment he cannot contact you anymore, its hard with children, but limit the contact to a professional level. No personal stuff about you any more.
jen79
jen79's picture
jaycee's story
I just read your story...this is a disgusting pig. Let the OW play his mammy...she will be his new "homebase" from which he can start his hunting... Thats what he does, having a mammy, and from there he goes to chase preys...he will cheat, lie, decieve...with her, you will be the one who got away... what a disgusting pig.
jaycee
jaycee's picture
jaycee's story
Jen yes, he is a digusting pig and he is already cheating on her i have proof fact for sure of that, but she is his mammy right now and he needs her supply and her cash, she supports him while he supports me and our daughter, as our son is in the army, oh by the way, our son was in Iraq fighting for our country while my N was playing me and his whore and they both were torturing me while i went through the agony of worrying about our son. nice father. i am happy that i did throw him out before he got forced by her to finally leave, but i still hate the fact he is using her as homebase, only because she thinks she is the one and has no idea who he really is.......and she is desperate to marry him someday and prove to everyone their affair was love.........it was meant to be....yeah right.......

Jaycee

jen79
jen79's picture
jaycee
if she wants to live in denial, a life full of deceit, let her, ment to be? Yes they are ment to be, they do really deserve each other, whore and pig....you deserve so much better!
jaycee
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jaycee
jen i hope they arent meant to be, i hope she gets hers ten thousand times worse than i did, yes they are the whore and the pig, but i want the pig to stay a pig and find a new pig pen to live in, just the thought of her gloating how she won aggrevates the hell out of me........i want him to move onto the next and leave her whore ass

Jaycee