Do Narcs like sex?

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Maggster's picture
Do Narcs like sex?

Do Narcs really enjoy sex or is the great sex I have with him yet another tactic to keep me hooked? He is a different man in the bedroom; truly loving & attentive. He tells me I'm the best lover he has ever had etc. Is this all a lie as well?

Journey's picture
Sure, narcs can enjoy sex,
Sure, narcs can enjoy sex, why not? Maybe the way you are in bed with him is exactly what he likes... why not? Thing is, when a man is a 'different man' in the bedroom, then there is nothing about the way he is treating you at that time that is honest. It is a masked imitation of who he knows you want him to be because he wants to get the sex he wants from you, that is all. Don't fool yourself into believing that he is actually 'loving and attentive' for real. It is only a means to an end. YOU as a person he can not really care about (narcs are incapable of feeling deeply about another), as he proves time and again OUT of the bedroom.

Journey on...

bgirl's picture
Can only describe as
Can only describe as insatiable... I'm still in withdrawal (after 7 months NC) I cannot imagine ever being with another man...
Fearless's picture
month and a half
It is seriously the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. understand the not ever wanting to be with another man...after being so used and thrown away like I was, I simply don't see me ever trusting anyone. I don't even feel like I can trust my own decision making.


IncognitoBurrito's picture
I think...
ExN seemed more intent on the chase. You know, the letters, the gifts, the calls, the surprises, the ideas. It was sweet, to an extent. He seemed to think sex, in general, was just some mechanical, function of the human body. Very clinical about it. It's a very surface way of seeing things. He equated sex with hurt and breaking up. I can't imagine he would've been bad at it though. He had enough children. :o)
ifinallygotit's picture
Yes he likes sex
He loves the romance, cuddling and passion - he does not like the responsibility of a GF or having to be accountable in any way - he was an angel in bed and evil by morning. It was a very freaky pattern to live in for years: madly in love with me all night acting as close as can be, holding my hand for hours, kissing on couch for hours, often cooking dinner for me, being sweet before we went to bed, then making passionate love but robotic and cold in the morning, always! awkward, and going through the motions (make me breakfast, walk me to the door, kiss me good bye, wish me a good day - all sounds good right? but he was emotionally gone as soon as morning light came for 10 years). I always felt so disappointed and lonely that the love would disappear every time - I knew he could not wait for me to get the hell out of his house while he was cooking our breakfast - like his intimacy quota had expired - then he would cycle back a few days later and want me again - so screwed up. It was not a good way to live as I was always hoping the love would not go away, that one day he would appreciate me.
TNR1's picture
I think they enjoy it from a
I think they enjoy it from a physical perspective...however there isn't truly any intimacy. Technically, I could say that Mr. N was the best lover I had...however I know that my soul and my heart craved so much that he could not give me so in the was truly hollow.
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture
Everything they do is meant to control and manipulate. If telling you your the best keeps you happy and coming back for more then that will be his weapon of choice. There is no true romance because they don't have any deep emotions. It's just a physical act.
under his thumb
under his thumb's picture
Mine came on as he was so
Mine came on as he was so good in bed and barely lasted a minute the first time. But he was real attentive in the beginning! He was so confident and so out of shape...I should have run then! But for some stupid reason I stuck around and still was not that impressed. Had to rely on toys because he blamed me for moving too fast. Soo glad that is a thing of the past! Can not wait to enjoy real intimate sex again... I have been cheated for years :-) the last year or so were purely for some relief but did not ever amount to much...I told him I felt like it was close to being raped because there was nothing left for me to give after all the disrespect and meanness! I could walk around butt naked and he could give two shits! And I am not out of shape by any means... His loss!
onwithmylife's picture
mine said he had the best sex with me, always telling me in bed how good I was and he had a high sex drive too; he was different in bed than out of it,much more caring, thoughtful, different man when we made love, i think for him it was just sex, nothing more, good release with no love cause he cannot love........
Dee30's picture
Mechanical but he acted like he was some porn star
he acted like he was so good but it turned out hes not so great..lil wild and stuff but not good by any means, no expression even when he orgasmed, very technical at times, but he thought he was God's gift to woman. He didn't like foreplay or cuddling it was just about getting the job done. made me on top most of the time cuz i think he felt really desirable that i was seducing him. sometimes rough, sexually perverse, no real intamacy or warmth when having sex. He was a showoff tho. liked his friends to know details of our sex life to make him look like the man.
MandyM's picture
Agreed on the lack of
Agreed on the lack of foreplay and cuddling. He would pretty much look at me and tell me to take my pants off. That was it.
MandyM's picture
Mine told me if he had his
Mine told me if he had his way, he'd have sex every single day, that he was constantly horny and it took nothing to get him turned on, and that "I've had a LOT of sex, and you're one of the best I've ever had!" It was flattering at the time, but now I figure it was a line to keep me hooked. Also, for someone who claimed to love sex as much as he did, he was incredibly restrained and inhibited in bed, almost mechanical - he was absolutely silent and kept his expression completely blank, even when he orgasmed. It was great sex on a technical level, but it was like he deliberately did everything he could to keep himself from getting emotional or too into it. I remember thinking more than once that if we were to wind up together permanently, it could get old and boring pretty quick - and I'm not an exhibitionist. So for me to already be concerned that it would become an issue is saying a lot. I don't doubt he's had way more than his share of sexual partners and activity, but looking back now, knowing everything I know, I can see that he gets whatever it is he needs to get out of it and to hell with it being emotional for him or having anything to do with the woman.
into the light
into the light's picture
Mandy, mine said those exact
Mandy, mine said those exact words: "I've had a LOT of sex, and you're one of the best I've ever had!" Must be straight out of the manual. Well for someone who had had so much sex, he still hadn't learnt or understood about foreplay, and cuddling afterwards was momentary. It felt like he just wanted to perform and treated me as a body to put into various positions. And he positively enjoyed the idea of neighbours somehow seeing us. Although he kept an erection for a long, long time it always took him forever to orgasm.I never found out if he was into cyber sex but it wouldn't surprise me. He really thought he was God's gift, too, though he was overweight. Wanted to be told how he was the best as a lover. Anything nice he said was always about how it felt for him.
dabussard's picture
My Ex N used it for power and control... He made it great at first to keep me coming back... Once I started to see him for what he was.. The sex got degrading and he actually raped me anually... These guys are sick... I learned later, that he has several ow's that he only wants sex from... The rest of us that he comes across, he uses as a means to an end... Money, land, status, or to just plain manpulate... Hope this helps!
peaches's picture
How are you Maggster?
I've been wondering where you went. He told me the same. He said he could go off and have sex with anyone and it wouldn't mean anything, but sex with me was magical. It was the combination of the two of us. He also told me sex has nothing to do with love. That's what he said. For myself, I don't agree. He just had to justify the fact that he is a slut.
Maggster's picture
Hi- I'm here and read often. I just finished another book on Narcissism. I feel like a failure as I went back to him-I know I'm addicted and it makes me feel pathetic. I know and have accepted what he is-he won't change but I don't think I will either. I feel so damn helpless-