Do they know ?

13 posts / 0 new

#1 Feb 25 - 6PM

Nothanx

Do they know ?

Do these guys know what they are doing, or do they just do what they do? My XN always told me "you think I have some grand plan, but I really don't! I just do what I do, and I don't mean to cause harm". My reply was well it does not matter if you mean to or not, for the outcome is the same...PAIN FOR ME!!

#2 Mar 26 - 2PM

seancunningham

Making Sense Out of A Lunatic

Thanks Barbara, Your post makes a lot of sense. All this time I've been trying to figure him out and your post made me stop and think. How does one make sense out of a lunatic?

#3 Feb 26 - 1AM

Kelly

They know

From everything I learned so far about narcs and after reflecting on a lot of the things my ex narcs have said, they absolutely know. The first narc ex I had told me in his admission to me that after only the first couple weeks of dating, he didn't trust me and he believed I was playing games with him. That there was no way I could be that good. So he strung me along for nearly six months, pretending - - - yeah, he knew I had never had unprotected sex, so he had a little challenge for himself. As soon as he got what he wanted, he was out three days later! Broke up over the phone! Second one, I can't know for sure, but I think it's possible he was seeking revenge on me from the beginning because I had canceled a couple of second dates with him after we first met. I was seeing someone else. When he dumped me, he said "Why didn't you dump the guy you were dating for 4 weeks for me?" Dude , , we had some beer and nice convo . . we just met! Either way, when we were breaking up, he revealed a ton of things he had been lying to me about from the beginning to elicit my affections. He knew there would never had been a second date if I knew he "didn't think of sephardic women as serious girlfriends" That he was only interested in dating pure white Jewish girls seriously. I was very clear from the beginning that I was looking for a serious relationship and not just a good time with no potential for marriage. These narcs are vindictive, manipulative vampires. They are completely aware of their affect on us and they are only out for themselves. They don't care about your feelings. They don't care about you. It's all a game to them. It's what you can do for them.

#4 Feb 25 - 9PM

rache

Thats just

a freaking excuse for them.THEY know what they do and they do not give a damn who it hurts as long as its not poor pitiful them!DO TO THEM WHAT THEY DO TO US AND WATCH them.....

#5 Feb 25 - 8PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

been there heard that one.......

and mine did indeed have a grand plan...and he did indeed set out to hurt people..and he did indeed know exactly what he was doing.....and he enjoyed doing it.... and any protestations to the contrary was simply an effort to dodge unpleasant consequences.... if someone rolls over your foot with a shopping cart once.it could be an accident..if after you tell them it hurt...and they roll over your foot with the cart again.... the 'accident' or 'no master plan' crap no longer holds water....

#6 Feb 25 - 8PM

MsVulcan500

Everything says they know

Everything says they know what they are doing, and that they set out to hurt people. I really don't believe mine intentionally set out to hurt anyone, he just didn't have any regard for anyone else. If you were of use to him, you were "in", if you weren't, you were "out". With mine, if he was out getting supply somewhere else, I was not necessary, so I was treated like I didn't exist. If there was no better supply around, then he wanted me there. He never said mean things to me, he just let me know through his actions that I was down the priority list and falling further all the time. With mine there was just a lot of secrecy and ignoring me. I don't know, that's just my experience. Either way, like you said, it feels the same way to you. Like you don't matter. Which you don't unless he has some immediate use for you.

#7 Feb 25 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

Amazed

Yes, they know what they are doing,,,and will do it for years

They know what they are doing...their reply to you "you act like I have a grand plan" is an insult. You are basically asking for respect, and to be treated like a human being with feelings, emotions, and when you are in a ummm,,,relationship with these people, that is essential. They know exactly how smooth they think they are pulling the wool over your eyes. They think the are the ultimate because they scam and fraud others in this way. I hope you can see the reality, that they are very much trouble, and will not give you a straight answer,,mostly ever.

#8 Feb 27 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

agnesmurphy17

They Know

When I was moving my possessions out, my N was hounding me to divide the kitchen stuff. Control. Had to be done immediately. But, I wanted to throw books out before the recyclying men came that day at noon. I had a man hired to keep me from being alone with N. My N was furious because he could not control me. So he called in his platonic female friend. Platonic friend believed that I was being petty & trying to steal from my N (what he told her). When I said, N, we can divide the kitchenware now. She said, No. You take whatever you think is your's. I saw him get a glazed look in his eye. I said, Friend, he has been asking 4x this morning & this has been the subject of many e-mails. He wants to divide the kitchen stuff himself & to be there. She says, Well I'm in charge here now. You take whatever you want & take what you think is fair & is your's. I saw him . . . he was upset . . . it was killing him . . . but, he had to look good for her. Above all these petty possessions. So, I gave away everything which I did not want to my girlfriend who is a caterer (she was there as well). And took what I wanted. He was left with only that which he brought into the marriage (not much)-everything jointly acquired vanished to the caterer or me. Heh, heh. Also, when she stepped out of the house. He came into the room & was very abusive to me. When she came back a few minutes later, he was all the broken victim being exploited by his wife grabbing everything. He was hiding behind her skirts. What an act! Funny. I wonder if she ever noticed that I threw out 33% of my possessions. All piled up in the trash there. My N was furious that he had to take the stuff out to the curb on the next trash day!

#9 Feb 25 - 10PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

stay out of their head

sometimes they know... sometimes they don't they ARE very aware of WHAT they want WHAT works in getting what they want and that hurting others makes THEM feel better EXPLOITING people is no big deal to them Oh yes... much of it is calculated. But we victims NEED TO STAY OUT OF THEIR HEADS. OUT! why? because their brains and minds DO NOT work like ours. Even researchers can't figure it out. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#10 Feb 25 - 11PM (Reply to #4)

Nothanx

Thanks all

Thanks for the feed back everyone. Barbara, that has been the hardest part for me, "being in his head". I almost drove myself crazy trying to anticipate his next move in an effort to head off his next round of emotional abuse. I still do it, and I know it would be better for my mental health if I would stop. It made me feel better to read your conclusion that even researchers can't figure out how their mind works!

#11 Feb 27 - 5PM (Reply to #5)

neveragain

Never Want to Know

I just have to accept the facts. The facts indicate that it's true what Barbara says. They aren't human. Period. I don't think I'd really want to really understand how their minds work. I have more important things to do like, paint my toenails. My closure means getting him out of my heart, my brain and my head. He's a disease. neveragain

#12 Feb 27 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

Nothanx

getting him out of my head

It is all just so freakin bizarre! I have not been in a room with him for over 3 months (except about 2 weeks ago for about an hour when he trapped me at my front door and begged me to give him another chance), but thoughts of him run through my head constantly. Why did he do that, who is he with, did he mean that, is he gonna show up at my house unexpectedly, is he still driving by my house and work all the time. I have anxiety attacks way less often and not nearly as severe, but I just want to forget about all of it. I know I need to get healthy, but I have been obsessing about this relationship for so long I can't imagine my life without it. I know...totally pathetic!

#13 Feb 27 - 8PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

Nothanx

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/20/cognitive-dissonance-obsessional-thoughts and you have only been NC 2 weeks if he cornered you - there is NO RATIONALIZING contact - even if he does it. Contact puts you back to square one - no ifs, ands or buts ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

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