Does he think about me at all? I can't stop thinking about him even with NC

if they know how much we are thinking about them.

He may well be thinking of you, but it will be in his narcish way. You know how when we get very upset or angry our thinking may sometimes become distorted? When we have calmed down we realise this and correct it. Narcs, however, are dictated by anger, rage and of course by need. When he thinks of you he will miss what you gave him and what is lacking now. That is why they often try to come back. It is also why he forgot about you when you were apart. I know for a fact that whenever I went away for a bit mine would go through his assortment of OW to see which one might meanwhile replace me. Sounds pretty crazy, hm? It will take a while a wrap your head around those weird people, just keep reading here.

The addiction you feel toward him, or obsession if you will, has a lot to do with trauma bonding. Abuse causes the survivors to try to 'fix' the relationship, seeking approval and acceptance. Narcs and other PDIs don't ever really connect, care or love, so fixing THAT is impossible for us. Keep reading and getting it out! It is baffling, but they compartmentalize what little emotions they have. That is why it seems they don't give us a second thought after they Devalue and Discard (D&D). Glad you found the forum, keep reading and posting... you are on your way to healing now! xo

but sorry you are hurting over him hope you will be able to post and share here and learn more about this disorder/ NPD and go NC be strong! doesn't matter what he thinks - he CAN;t love - that is the fatal flaw we ALL can't ignore actions over words

If he's thinking about you it's because he needs something from you or he needs a good hit of SUPPLY! It the worst part of dealing with a NARC. We are in pain and trying to figure out what the hell happened while he goes on with his merry life tormenting other poor souls! I can't beleive he made you pay him for sex. He needs to have his ass kicked! :) HE's a loser and you DO NOT need him in your life. Anybody who would do that is not worth spitting on. This gets easier and one day you won't be thinking about him constantly. He'll be just a bad memory and you will be awesome and HEALED. Stay NC and stay away from him. He's SICK. You deserver so much better.

Welcome. I am sorry that you are here, not because we don't want to know you, but because if you are here, you are going through what we have all been through and it's a terrible place to be emotionally. But, with that said, know that you are not alone, and that you did the right thing by coming here. To answer your question, no, unfortunately, he does not think of you as you think of him. You are addicted to him, he is only addicted to supply. As Auntie Alex puts it, we are mere "appliances" to them. Objects............they are not wired like us. They do not feel empathy, compassion, or love, for any other human being but themselves. I am sorry to be so straight forward, but it is what it is. You will not always feel this way. It will take what seems to be forever to get past even just the initial pain and suffering that you are experiencing. My advice to you is to educate yourself on this disorder as much as you can. As many will tell you, read read read! Knowledge is power. Without the knowledge, you will find yourself crippled with no way out. The pain that you are experiencing right now will subside, but only with educating yourself on what you are dealing with. Narcs are predators, plain and simple. And you have come into the path of one, just like an innocent woman comes into the path of a rapist. Heal from the damage he has caused you. He raped your soul and that is a terrible thing to have to endure. You can do it though, with the right tools, you can do it. Read, stay close to this forum, reach out as much as needed and most importantly, stay away from him. No contact whatsoever would be your best bet. My best to you in your journey, again so sorry that we have met under these circumstances....... Hang in there and stay strong!

Welcome to the forum. You ask a very good question and one that really goes to the root of why these individuals are disordered. The reason you think about him is that you have empathy...you probably wonder how he is doing, is he ok. If you did not have "closure" with your ending (and I would say 99.9% of us don't with Ns) then you also might be wondering what went wrong, how much you miss him etc. etc. Narcs lack empathy. As such, their whole thought process is centered around themselves. If he were to ever think about you, it would be the in the context of how you fit into his grand vision he has for himself and how you could supply him with more NS (Narc Supply). However, if you are currently in a Devalue & Discard state...he likely is spending his time in the pursuit of someone else (Narc's hate to be alone and when they break up, they tend to have someone else that they are already working on for new supply). It is important to understand that this has nothing to do with you or with your worthiness etc. It is because he has a personality disorder that prevents him from considering others in any way other than as extentions of himself and his needs (providing him with Narc Supply). I know this must be extremely painful for you right now and I'm glad you found this website and forum so that those of us who have been through this roller coaster ride as well (some of us are still there believe me) can provide you with insight into this baffling world. Right now, allow yourself to ask as many questions as you would like. It is highly advisable to seek some therapy since being in a relationship with an Narc leaves some pretty deep emotional scars. Do not come down on yourself for trying to repair the relationship or missing him...those are normal reactions to a very abnormal relationship. I will say this again for emphasis, the problem isn't with you...it's with him. HUGS.