The "Doting" Narcissist
The "Doting" Narcissist
by Kathy Krajco
Because the mentally ill are so complex, opposite behaviors often stem from the same root cause. We see this often in narcissists.
For example, to the same self-aggrandizing end, a "doting" narcissist does the opposite of the ignore-ant narcissist by showering attention on his child. But I don't think he should not be called a doting narcissist, because he is not fond of his child and takes no interest in the inner person of his child. He should be called a "scrutinizing narcissist," because all this attention is critical attention. Critical attention is the only kind a narcissist gives, because it plays the Teeter Totter Game.
So, if possible, he attends every tennis tournament or meet, no matter how far away. Every concert. Every play. He even shows up at practices and at the prom. And he delivers his detailed critique after every performance. He lives vicariously through his child, because that child's success improves his image and wins him attention. He invests an inordinate amount of time and effort and money in his child's talent. And a truckload of critical attention, because he is never satisfied. Which makes that child, no matter how successful, feel inadequate and inept. As one poor young rich kid put it to me: it torments him with the haunting fear that he's "a loser."
If he is a she, she may not be satisfied with her daughter's face and want plastic surgery to fix it. She may color her little child's hair. She may dress the girl like a Hollywood movie star. With the same result.
The children of narcissists are just objects to exploit for the parent's aggrandizement, whether that narcissistic parent is an ignore-ant narcissist or a scrutinizing one.