doubt

Nicole, it's not you. I've felt that way too, that maybe with all my nagging I drove him to be with this other woman. You can spend a life time going down all the roads trying to figure out the relationship. There isn't an answer and there will never be closure. I have self esteem issues as well but that didn't play a part in why things went down the tube. He lied and cheated plain and simple. Don't let their bad behavior feel you are the one at fault.It's the bad behavior that made you say or do the things you did, otherwise you'd be being a doormat. Another point is here you are upset over all this and what is he doing? Probably trolling for more ladies. Awhile after my break up I saw and heard him a number of times drive passed my house singing away as happy as could be. I wished he would smack into a wall. They are empty soulless monsters. I'm sorry you are feeling down, I still have moments but they are much less now; one day yours will be as well. Hugs.

I doubted myself for 5 years. I saw a very polished, professional, gregarious, gorgeous, popular, successful, much loved, confident man before my eyes. Someone who was charming and had the world in his hands; nothing seemed to faze him and nothing bad ever happened to him. He prospered at whatever he did and seemed to have the most amazing life anyone could ever ask for. His friends envied him and as his wife I cherished him. He was usually the center of attention and could get any job he wanted...on top of that he is a professional athlete who holds the title in the mid-atlantic region. BUT....I have to continually remind myself that underneath that exterior/facade lurks a very evil, demonic, immature, controlling spirit who is abusive, self centered and has zero empathy. The only things that seem to be "going" for them are the superficial, such as good looks, charm, great jobs and homes, etc. Nothing of substance. They are seriously disordered when it comes to relating, loving, sharing, and expressing intimacy; and those are the only things that are important. They are wolves in sheep's clothing..and despite their outward appearances, are very empty, void "beings." But I know were you are coming from. Just continually remind yourself of the times his behavior seemed off, or odd, or abusive. Because that is who they really are. And your gut was right. Trust your gut. You KNEW something was wrong. And it had nothing to do with you. IT'S NOT YOU! He is the crazy one. Seriously insane. Keep your head held high and don't question yourself anymore, and smash that rearview mirror. "Cry now because you lost him or cry later because you have him."

well any narc i know or have known is a basketcase...they are the ones with the issues..them being put together is a facade...im sure some of them are succsesful or have this or that...though the one I know doesn't have much he still would have more if he chooses to and still seems to have done more in life than me....and seems to be able to get most of what he wants...they just break u down use your weaknesses against you and in the end you end you looking like a freak ro feeling that way abotu yourself, that's their goal to make u feel that way about yourself....so they can look better...thats abuse n psychopathology anyway to bring or put someone down like that, normal guys wouldnt be putting a girl down or trying to hurt her with issues...the narcissist takes a victim...inserts bogus ideas, creates insecurities, exaggerates on any flaws or insecurities, injects them into their minds, and turns them into walking shells of their former self...people dont know who they are..after dealing with an N...so that they are so hung up on their faults and flaws, and the n can look like the image he wants to look all while bringing you down...I would never get fooled by those sick freaks...it is so evident they are beyond warped...no matter how 'successful' they seem....the harder part is undoing teh abuse and brainwashing and thinking the way about yourselves that they've created in you

Nicole, It's very normal to doubt in fact it show us how we try to see other sides of a situation. We doubt because we don't see thing in only black and white. We view/think about event/people in shades of gray. But you see Nicole there the rub. They don't! They don't doubt themselves just other people. They don't doubt what they do good or bad, the ends always justifies the means. They never doubt action positive or negative and if ever they did it mean they do have a conscience. Now I not saying you will never see confusion on their minds for what I talk about is true and honest doubt. So Nicole if you doubt then good for you, it's healthy and shows others you are normal. But ask yourself if he ever doubted himself or his ability to manipulate or use other people? http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

Absolutely I have. Still do on occasion, but like I wrote earlier today... I realize that I am struggling to overcome an addiction and have to go back to the pages and pages I wrote after incidents would occur to bring it back into focus. And I have to come here and I look up all the articles I saved to my "favorites" on the internet and then I think to myself... "Oh my God... I have been trying to figure this out for years. Look how much time I have spent." So at this point... I know it's not me... and it's not you either. But yes... I think we've all been there and some of us are still trying to get where others have obviously already gotten. So there's definitely hope. :)

What a good description (from that article) that describes the cycle of tryiing to PASS the tests. I have spent the first half of my adult life dealing with this issue not even realizing it. I am so astonished in the information and how it describes to a "T" everything I've been put through and everything everyone else here on this website has been through too. I am dedicated to finding out more so that I don't keep thinking that it's ME not THEM! neveragain

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/07/toxic-hope-three-reasons-your.html

Take heart, these poeple MAKE you feel like it is your problem,sounds like it may help you to get some counseling with self esteem issues.I am seeeing a counselor now regarding that issue and why I would stay so long in such a hurtful relationship. In my case everyone around me knew he was crazy, except I chose not to see it.