Emotional Rape

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Anonymous (not verified)
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Emotional Rape

Emotional rape has many similarities to physical rape, particularly date rape. Date rape involves the sexual use of someone's body without consent. In a like manner, emotional rape is the use of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent.

However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in what the perpetrator doesn't say... his or her hidden agenda. Emotional rape can happen to both men and women. Both forms of rape can be very devastating and require specialized programs for recovery.

Several major obstacles are encountered in recovery from emotional rape. The first is that the victim knows that something bad happened, but doesn't know what or why. And as in date rape, a big issue is that of trust. Victims often feel that they will never be able to love or trust anyone again. Other obstacles to recovery, again similar to date rape, are the re-victimization of the victim by friends, family, and society and the subsequent tendencies toward self-blame and silence about what happened.

It Could Happen to Anyone
Shara, who died after jumping from a freeway overpass into rush hour traffic, was exploited by a rapist who could accurately be described as armed and dangerous; an accomplished deceiver who had raped before.

Without exception, victims describe two predominant characteristics of their rapists:

1. They are charismatic, ostensibly attractive personalities, likely to be widely admired, but with a naturally manipulative nature.

2. They can completely conceal their true selves.

These two observations draw attention to one of the central features of such behavior:

Emotional rape can happen to anyone. The widely varying backgrounds and personalities of those who have already become victims demonstrate the danger in thinking otherwise; in believing "It could never happen to me."

It is sometimes difficult to believe that no moral responsibility rests with the victim - because he or she was weak, naive, or otherwise "to blame" - but that it lies with the rapist, whose ability to conceal his or her true self is such that almost anyone could be deceived.

The focus here is mainly on the rapist, examining what it is that makes an individual capable of this form of psychological aggression.

Colliding Emotions
It is no exaggeration to describe emotional rape as the most underrated trauma of our age; the effects are powerful and potentially destructive.

Victims are forced to cope with a tangle of conflicting emotions, experiencing all the traumatic after effects of both rape and loss.

This confused pattern of emotional responses is very similar to that experienced by victims of sexual rape.

It's a pattern commonly identified as post-traumatic rape syndrome, although victims of emotional rape will be unaware that this is what is happening to them.

These colliding emotions become so entangled that it is extremely difficult - and would be a serious misrepresentation - to attempt to categorize them individually. They are inseparable.

However, it is possible to identify certain generalized feelings which characterize the emotional aftermath. Principally, these are:

* Denial
* Isolation
* Feeling 'Had' or 'Used'
* Loneliness
* Rage and Obsession
* Inability to Love or Trust
* Loss of Self-Esteem
* Confusion
* Erratic Behavior
* Hidden and Delayed Reactions
* Fear and Anxiety

Each of these is considered in detail in this book, as are the typical physical and material after effects, so victims will understand that what they are going through is normal, that they are not alone, and that they are not insane.

http://www.emotional-rape.com

Barbara (not verified)
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What is Emotional Rape Syndrome?
READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Barbara (not verified)
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What is Emotional Rape Syndrome?
READ TOP POST ~~~~~~~~~ The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem Visit My Abuse Website
tasha
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emotional rape
Emotional Rape and Physical Rape are similar, the first is the use of anothers body and the second the use of ones emotions both without consent. Both acts are devastating! I think a difference is, that physical rapes impact is immediate. The feelings are instant, intense and flood your mind FEAR is a dominant emotion. You know straight away what is happening to you. With emotional rape it's more a feeling that something is not quite right.
Barbara (not verified)
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tasha
not always true physical rape victims sometimes have reactions that are delayed for weeks. The only difference is the physical act of rape. Everything else is the same. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
tasha
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yes
This is true barbara, each woman is unique and so is how they process trauma. Yes the physical rape.
Jessika (not verified)
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"The Emotional Rape Syndrome"
book was so helpful to me. When I was at my weakest (within 6 weeks of the D and D). I used to keep that book in my purse so that when i had any moments when i wasn't doing something (like waiting my turn at the doctor's office) I would pull out the book to help me understand the immense pain I was in. I would fold it over onto itself so that no one could see the cover title though.
Amazed
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Emotional Rape is like surviving a death wish
Emotional rape, endured by the N, is like surviving one's own murder. It is an emotional, psyhological murder they inflict on other victims in their path, that they somehow use to further their life. The survival, is the hardest part. At least, it is good to be on the side of survival.
cynthia (not verified)
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The survival, is the hardest part.
Emotional rape, endured by the N, is like surviving one's own murder. and that is because it kills everything inside you but you are still breathing, walking around like a zombie absolutely DEAD INSIDE, and it is so hard to come back to life again.
Chloe
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Perfect Response!
What a way of putting it, "Emotional rape endured by a N is like surviving one's own murder." Very true!!! Definitely walked around like a zombie. Totally dead inside, and it is hard to come back, but NOT IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! I am back and I am whole once again. I can't emphasize any more than say that it is very important to keep going and not look back, that is first and foremost as you start your journey in healing. It's like a drug/cigarette/drink, you stop, but once you pick it back up again, you're back to square one. Your feelings are valid. Your voice is important. BUT IT WILL ALWAYS BE ON DEAF EARS WITH HIM AND YOU ARE LOOKED LIKE AS A CARTOON, it is part of the manipulation process.
destiny (not verified)
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'you are looked like as a
'you are looked like as a cartoon' that made me laugh. It is true though. One step at a time. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
destiny (not verified)
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Very very hard to come back
Very very hard to come back to life....I have had glimpses of life...but this month was very rough...month two of NC. Surviving the aftermath and keep moving forward is the most difficult thing. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Ellen
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You've all described it exactly
Oh what to do. I can never remember feeling so despondent, lame, disinterested, with no hope. Its just trudging through the days really waiting for things to improve with the way i feel. I have been used and abused by a person who has no idea that they have done it but blames me for it. I'm also coming into the 2nd month of no contact. It's a very sad feeling once things calm down around me and the feelings come out. I feel so duped by someone i trusted.
Barbara (not verified)
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Ellen
despondent, lame, disinterested, with no hope = PTSD ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
4joys (not verified)
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Surviving your own murder.
Surviving your own murder. Thats an interesting way to put it. We have survived. We are here. But it's putting it all together to make some sort of sense and then healing and deciding how to move forward. The sense is made when we accept what and who he is. But our new life is up to us. To stay no contact, get a therapist and a good DV womens support group. A career counseller is good too. Then there is embracing the gentle life and the things that are healing for us. Creative ventures. Helping others. And fun. How come we always forget about fun? Its always the last thing I think about?
cynthia (not verified)
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But our new life is up to us.
How come we always forget about fun? Its always the last thing I think about? FUN? I DONT WANT TO HAVE FUN, I DONT FEEL LIKE HAVING FUN WHEN ONE IS TRYING TO GET THRU THIS HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE. 4JOYS, you bet your ass THEY are having fun, while we have to recover from their sickness. Is fun going to a halloween party like I did last weekend and having a thought pop up and starting to cry and having to go to the bathroom to cry it out then come back down with the other guests and pretend I am fine? Or seeing a cop and remembering what a certain man of the law did to me? And here is some advise for all, dont think you can run away from it, by going on a nice vacation, it follows you everywhere you go. I am in the Virgin Islands crying my ass off while others are laughing, and having a grand ol time. Just how do we get that NEW LIFE now that we are in some ways forever changed? I dont care about sex anymore he distorted it so and turned it into perversion, I have absolutely no interest in meeting members of the opposite sex, if it has a penis stay the hell away from me go hump someone else. While I know this is not healthy this is the aftermath. I dont want to give my TIME, LOVE, TRUST, and FEELINGS to ANYONE, however there is hope I still can love and trust my cat and dog so I guess you have to start somewhere ha ha. My wonderful little dog named Herbie lays beside me and I think, I deserve such loyalty and devotion? My dog is more refined than that psychopath was!!!! I took me awhile to realize I am basically recovering from RAPE in every sense, emotionally and physically RAPE that continually went on for over two years, I didnt know it then but I KNOW IT NOW, like that article that Barbara sent about emotional rape, having sex with someone for another purpose than what they portray, obtaining someones consent for other than what it was intended for. Guess I am just venting here 4joys. Some days I simply can not come to terms with WHAT HE IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE, no matter what I WAS, I was never anything special to him. IAM pretty damn special to alot of others in my life but I was NOTHING to him, and the kicker here is I LOVED SOMEONE that DIDNT DESERVE someone like me, he wasnt worthy of my little toe, none of them were worthy of ANY OF US What is sad is they are so sick they will never realize they hit the jackpot with all of us, they take precious GEMS and crush them into dust.
4joys (not verified)
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cynthia
It's certainly the most shocking thing I've ever been through. Vent away! The first time I laughed after all this, I didnt recognize the sound of my own voice. I had thought I'd never laugh again. it took me by surprise. Although this laughter comes only now and then, It gives me hope. And you know what? The people who are helping me to laugh are the other women in my group who have been through so much pain. One said to me the same thing you just wrote. Here they had an opportunity to be with someone who would help them in life and they threw it away.
cynthia (not verified)
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It's certainly the most shocking thing I've ever been through
ya same here, it was like the twilight zone or something, you are now entering another time zone what you are about to see is not real, only a figment of your imagination, ha ha Strange years ago I would always say to myself I am lucky I have never had a real trauma or horrible thing happen to me in my life, and I was always so grateful for that and counted my blessings, but oops, guess it was my turn I was just going along my own way in life, minding my own business not hurting anyone and WAMO this fell from the sky, I didnt ask for this shit, I didnt need this shit to deal with and none of us deserved it, but I know life isnt about what you deserve its just about what happens and for no reason or cause. I dont blame God or anybody, I dont think it was to teach me a lesson, it JUST PLAIN HAPPENED to me. It truly is SHOCKING isnt it, I didnt know the meaning of pervert until this man entered my life and I wish I never knew. In a way we all are recovering from SHOCK and each day we learn to accept a little more and a little more until we can understand it and get back out in the world and function as we once did, we laugh again, feel again, trust again, (mmm that will be the last for me) I hope I dont lose my mind when I get old and start shouting out stories about this psychopath in the nursing home, I worry about that seriously guess it wouldnt matter anyway they would just say I lost my mind, even if it was what really happened ha ha ha
tina
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cynthia - What a hoot you are!
"I hope I dont lose my mind when I get old and start shouting out stories about this psychopath in the nursing home, I worry about that seriously guess it wouldnt matter anyway they would just say I lost my mind, even if it was what really happened ha ha ha" cynthia, you flippin crack me up. God, how I needed a laugh today. Don't get me wrong, all you said was so true but lord honey, the way you put things makes me laugh so hard. Ha!
cynthia (not verified)
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Tina
You are sooo cute, can you just see it, my children visiting me in the nursing home and the nurses pulling aside my family warning them "Lately your mother has been going on about some man peening on her in her younger days so just ignore her, and something about they only discard the best the most precious gems, this is not funny either because when my dad had dementia he revealed a few things in his war days, he told one nurse she reminded him of a prostitute he once met and in front of the whole nursing staff he told them my mom and him had sex before they were married, ha ha and my poor mom who also had alzheimers was caught with another older man fondeling each other, oh my god watch me turn into a sex addict when I am in the nursing home ha ha ha what a hoot is right
Barbara (not verified)
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nursing home rants?
I'll be right next to you Cynthia, screaming: "exNH hated sex!! he's a freak!" "NMother thought her life was a Norman Rockwell painting!" "Psycho-Boy has the smallest p***s ever!" bring on the medication! LOL ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
cynthia (not verified)
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we need to pick out the same nursing home
Isnt that the truth, I am telling you Barbara we better pray we dont lose our minds when we get old, (well I already did lose my mind ) and I better pray they dont catch me doing anything strange to myself ha ha ha, You know there is a flip side to this, what if my Psychopath gets dementia and is a nursing home? Male nurses and Female nurses better RUN, when they shower him they better be prepared for the elevator button to get excited, na mine is rich so he will probably have private care in his home or he will still have his GF to change his depends and plastic sheets for him
tina
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cynthia
HA!!! OMG. I gotta go to bed...you kill me. Good nite cutie. Sleep well :) HA!