1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. "Eroticized rage" or "sexualized anger"

"Eroticized rage" or "sexualized anger"

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 13 - 4AM
empath
empath's picture

"Eroticized rage" or "sexualized anger"

If you are still struggling with understanding the bizarre sexual relationship you had with the N, please Google "eroticized rage" and "sexualized anger".

I found this article incredibly enlightening, and I have recommended Patrick Carnes book "The Betrayal Bond" here in previous posts.

http://www.counselormagazine.com/feature-articles-mainmenu-63/60-sex-add...

There is a reason sex with an N is so "different". Read this and please, if you have ever felt even a twinge of "jealousy" towards an OW, understand that she truly is an object to the N. Just as you were. It's really not about sex, and certainly not about love or intimacy...it's about rage and anger. And on some level we all know that already...that's what brought us here.

Wishing peace and healing for all of us.

Nov 13 - 5AM
Swan
Swan's picture

overwhelmed

all this sickness is just so overwhelming. The more I learn the worse it gets. I just want to vomit all the time, I can't handle learning each day more and more about just how deeply sick this man is-the one who I vowed to love for the rest of my life, the one who I slept next to every night. Its just too much. I can't handle it. too much
Nov 13 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
empath
empath's picture

swan

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better...have you read Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now", and the chapter on the "pain body"? When I feel overwhelmed, it usually turns out to be because I am resisting allowing myself to feel something. Anger, pain, hurt, shock, betrayal...all of those feelings at once. Retreating for a bit, taking better care of myself, getting out of my head and into my body...doing physical things like eating a nice meal, working out, taking a bubble bath, etc. help move me through those times of emotional overwhelm and keep my body from being ravaged by it. We tend to internalize and bottle up our feelings when they are very strong, and they pile up. Doing something physical takes the pressure off your mind to "process" the emotion, and you will find the feelings come up in smaller, more manageable amounts. Let them bubble up and just feel them. Give yourself permission to cry, and go somewhere private and scream as loud as you want to (my car has been the place for me to do this). Maybe even taking a break from the forum for a few days would help too, as reading so many posts here can have the unintended effect of triggering trauma patterns. Please be gentle with yourself, no matter what, and just trust that you will get through this and won't always feel this way. It will get easier and it will get better.