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FINALLY!! I DID IT!!

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#1 Jul 27 - 10AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

FINALLY!! I DID IT!!

Alright....

Ive struggled for years. Was on this board and have also read blogs etc .... for years. I went back so many times, it would make your head spin. But I finally did it, the no contact, remove from all means of communication. Email - Facebook - BBM - blocked his number etc....

This is a big deal, my friends even took me out to celebrate, because I have never been this serious about it.
and if makes a lot of sense, the best way to let them know they are GARBAGE in your eyes is to just delete them from your life..... arguing and stuff isnt a very strong statement.

I think that when you FINALLY realize there is NO change and its NOT something YOU did, it becomes easier. Ive been at it for 5 YEARS!!!!!

Its been one month no contact. I am very close to the family and they still love me and think what im doing is great, they actually also encouraged it.

Anyway, the reason im writing today is im struggling. Im struggling with obsessive thoughts (normal) and sadness. Its such an emotional rollarcoaster because I know I dont want to go back and I dont want to speak or even see him.

However, Im obsessively thinking about him other girls etc. But mainly, how I dont feel Im capable of loving again. Im terrified. Im writing to you guys today because im just venting and looking for support.

Anywords of encouragement would be appreciated, today is just a crappy day.

xo

Aug 2 - 2PM
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

I'm actually feeling the same

I'm actually feeling the same way today too... I heard from my exNarc on Thurs. (7/28) just after you posted....it was a text saying "I hope you are ok" "Just checking...sorry to bother you...." I felt sooo weird but I KNOW that it's just to sucker me back in, not for a real respectable relationship, which is what we deserve!!! You are probably missing the attention more than actually him....that's what I'm going through...Of course we all have good times with our ex Narcs but its fake...we have to remember that, as sad as that is....
Aug 3 - 7AM (Reply to #17)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

IT IS!

it is 100% the attention!! Im so lonely and this is the year my good single girls all have bf's. And they are GREAT guys. So Im a tad envious, yet really happy for them at the same time. I wasted 5 years and I refuse to waste anymore. I will be relieved when this is all over!
Aug 2 - 2PM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

Last week was great, this week not so much!

I miss him like crazy. Im not sure exactly what, but I do. Im trying not to think about him, but its hard. I will definitely NOT call or contact him, NO WAY. But I just wish we NEVER met, or I would have walked away a long time ago. I was so excited last week when I wrote this, now Im the complete opposite. Just venting ladies. Just venting ...
Aug 2 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
spinning
spinning's picture

Perfectly normal, WE.

Ride it out. It is part of the process. The elation will return. The sadness and confusion and delusion of "missing him" will be less frequent and much less intense. You're doing great. Keep venting. It is so valuable to the recovery process. Stay strong, girlfriend! It's a rough ride, but it's so worth the effort. Truly. Hugs and good vibes for strength and continued clarity from, (not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER AGAIN. NOT FOR ANYONE!

spinning

Jul 27 - 2PM
fragile
fragile's picture

Me too

I finally did it too
Jul 27 - 12PM
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

Congratulations!!!! From the

Congratulations!!!! From the sounds of it, you were in the relationship the same time I was (about 2 1/2 years)and just recently left (about a month)!!! It is such a great feeling....but I do have moments of sadness, memories that seep in sometimes.....I just keep saying to myself "It will get better and a year from now I will wonder what I ever saw in him...." I am starting to do that now, focusing on his negative....and there was LOTS of that!!! Good luck and please post about your progress!!! NC!!!!
Jul 27 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

yes!

Im thrilled for the day I look back and say "what the hell was I thinking". I mean I say that everyday and have for a while, but I know a year from now I will truly mean it. Right now I hate him and wish him a life of misery, I picture myself punching him in the jaw whenever he opens that deathtrap of a mouth. Hes gross, everything he does and says. Thats my anger talking ...and right now thats what I feel. Screw him!
Jul 27 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

Was there a final "aha"

Was there a final "aha" moment or just a series of things that happened????
Jul 27 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

well........

To be honest I should have left him years ago. I had "aha" moments everytime we spoke. I just fell comfortable with him. I was always trying to please him and show him I was "the one" I was worth it. But the FINAL moment was when I noticed last month that he started blaming me for everything in his life, and I realized it was the same sort of thing he did to his ex. She is majorly damaged and I dont want to be like her. I want to spend my life with someone who makes me feel good. It took me years to realize this. Andddd when I was with him, I wanted to leave and then when I wasnt I wished I was. Which was really up and down. He made me crazy for years, and really took my self esteem down. I want it back! Im 34 and successful, I want a life with a little drama as possible!!
Jul 27 - 11AM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

SO Happy to have....

POSTED this! Amazing responses from ALL of you. I was smiling with everypost. Ive done the no contact before but this one feels real and since Ive deleted him, I feel so empowered. As in the past I was waiting for him to make this first move, this time I dont ever want him to call again. Its a great feeling. I started excersising again, and catching up with a lot of people I neglected. This time when Im sad, I let myself feel sad, before I would just push emotions away. I thank all of you for this support, I was smiling through every post! Truly blessed!
Jul 27 - 11AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

I would

add to hunters comment, get into therapy and find a good one who understands NPD, it cam make a world of difference, i was with mine for 15 years and 2 1/2 years out, i still think of him but it does get much better when you look back and see what these men put us through.
Jul 27 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Stay the course, get into

Stay the course, get into thearpy and keep moving forward! It gets easier! OW are just supply, please watch this! http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/07/20/everyone Hunter
Jul 27 - 11AM
Beach Dreamer
Beach Dreamer's picture

Affirm Your New Life!!

I Keep saying, "I deserve a GOOD life without him" "I deserve to be loved by a truly loving and healthy man" "I deserve to have a happy and joyful life" "I am thankful and grateful for not having a N in my life" "I am thankful and grateful that I have the strength to get through this" " I am thankful and grateful that I love myself enough to have NO Contact" This is your life. Take back your control. Treat yourself to a good life!!! BE GOOD to YOU!!! *I say these affirmations all day long. Everyday get's easier and I think of him LESS and LESS. I gave up an 18 year smoking habit saying these affirmations. Never picked up another one....So I substituted the N in the affirmations. So far I am feeling the freedom and confidence that I want. I visualize leaving his "sorry ass" at the curb. I visualize him in a trash can upside down at the curb. And soon it will be emptied and TOTALLY GONE!!!!! GONE GONE GONE :) :) :) I went back into my Narc's seductive world many many times over the last three years...and fell for it every time. I did not realize what it was that I was being put through till now. And the pain would intensify, 5 weeks ago my whole spirit said "ENOUGH".."NO MORE" *I pray for you and me and all of us here to be free from this N abuse and sick/cruel cycle. I understand how and why you think you can't really let go. I suffered those same feelings until NOW. I say my affirmations, I visualize a very happy life without him. I smile at the thought!!!! Everyday gets better and better!!! It's my dream, my fantasy!!!! A BLESSED and HAPPY life without him!!!!! :)eileen
Jul 27 - 10AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

cudos to you!

Wow! Congratulations! Great job! You should feel great! You were on one hell of a long journey! I am glad to hear you went completely NC now. It seems like you had to, had no choice, nothing else was working........ Keep up the good work! Stay focused and strong! You can do it! As far as loving again? You will, one day. Maybe not right away, but remember, "all good things come to those who wait". Congrats!
Jul 27 - 10AM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

Congrats, congrats, congrats!

Congrats, congrats, congrats! Cheers to you :-)
Jul 27 - 10AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Whatever, what great news

that you have chosen to stop having a hand in your own destruction and go completely NC. The one month mark is hard, hard, hard. The obsessive thoughts are normal (as you know.) Here's what I did whenever I thought I "missed" him and/or thought of him with someone else. I made a list of the good things he brought into my life and of the bad. The good list had four things on it. The bad list became four pages long in a matter of minutes. My hand was FLYING across the page. I put those FACTS in front of me and the so-called "emotion" I thought I was feeling evaporated. I suddenly was GLAD HE WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM. Doing this helped me a lot on my bad days. Dealing in REALITY, AND NOT IN THE FANTASY WORLD they created and live in was a big eye-opener. It's hard to argue with the FACTS. I hope this helps, whatever. I am at almost 9 months out and I am here to tell you if you stick through it one minute at a time and shift the focus onto you and whatever it is you need to feel better NOW, it is SO WORTH IT! My life is fantastic! Great, amazing things are happening and I am happier than I have been in YEARS! I am meeting new, non-disordered people and having great experiences. The more I push the disordered one from my head, the more room opened up for new, good things to come in! And it's worked!! Please continue to post here. Write out what you are feeling. It really helps to let it go! I'm pulling for you and I'm proud of you for finally realizing that complete and total NC is the only way to go! Most sincerely, (totally not) spinning. NO WAY! NOT AN OPTION. THE SICK FREAK IS DEAD. HE NEVER REALLY EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

spinning

Jul 27 - 10AM
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Congrats!

Congrats for having the power and taking charge of your life!!! No one can do it but yourself and our friends and family don't understand the rollercoaster we were on for so long. They messed with our minds but we have to stay strong and so glad you came back to this board for support. You are lovable, you will love again, it just takes time, and trust and respect..for yourself first. We all have bad days and need extra encouragement but you came to the right place. He is treating OW the same as he treated you, there are tons of posts on that if you look back. Just remember you will not ride the rollercoaster and it is now someone elses turn, the treatment they will get is no better. Stay close to family and friends and do things for yourself that make you feel good about the wonderful person you are and that you had the strength to break free from Narcville!!