I'm new here. I'm having a hard time making it through this pain. I was with my N, who i met on Match.com, for a yr. He dumped me via email the day after i told him i wasnt pregnant (a pregnancy i thought we both wanted). That was 3 months ago.
I am filled with so much pain, but also disappointment in myself. I think i would be a little further along in my healing if i could just forgive myself.
Thing is, when he broke up with me via email- for the first 2 weeks i was pretty strong. I even had an email exchange with him where i told him that he IS right and that he is not the man for me... that he emotional underdevelopment was destroying me.
Then i started to grieve all the dreams i had (i.e., the baby; having companionship; his financial security) and i realized that he was so happy to let me go that there was definitely other women- and i feel apart.
I sent him an 2 emails ... texts him several times... called (however he didnt pick up). He basically sent me an email teling me to move on with my life. i felt so humiliated.
I cant forgive myself for serving myself belly up to him after the breakup. How could i have given up my power. He was so elated to get those desparate communications from me and then reject me. It hurts so much... this is a guy who chased me for 7 months and now he is telling me to move on and stop bothering him. Of course i am NC now... i even ignored a text sent from him ("how are you").
Im really hurting ... how can i forgive myself for my desperate behavior after the breakup... i lost my power... self respect... he sees me as some desparate loser :-(