The Gaslight Effect

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#1 Jun 3 - 10PM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

The Gaslight Effect

In my quest for knowledge, I went to the library and checked out a few books. One is called: The Gaslight Effect: Learn how to stop letting other peole get inside your head, tell you what to think, shake your judgment, sabotage your self-esteem and make you question your grip on reality. It's by Dr. Robin Stern. It's very enlightening.

The Gaslight Effect is a term derived from a movie that has Ingrid Bergman in it (called "Gaslight") where her husband tries to make her think she's crazy so he can take over her inheritance. He moves the furniture and convinces her that she did it. He dims the lights (powered by gas) and tells her that they aren't dim. I wonder if I should watch that movie....(?)

I just finished listening to the blogtalk program for tonight and Lisa and Elena talked about this problem when dealing with a Narcissist. THANK YOU, both for your insight and experience with the results of the Gaslight Effect. Narcissists will twist and turn everything you know to be real and factual into a maelstrom of lies. Indeed, their techniques make you question your own sanity and thought process.

We are not dreaming this stuff up. It's REAL. We must stay focused and calm when dealing with their manipulations. It is EXHAUSTING, I know. However, when the safety of your children is at stake and your very life depends on it, you must remember that you are being BRAIN WASHED.

Keep remembering that you can get away from the Gaslight Effect and that once you remove yourself physically from the situation, your mind CAN heal. Your emotions and your heart are taking a beating when dealing with a Narcissist.

Yesterday, I felt better than I have in MONTHS. I have been devastated and trying to heal my life after my Narcissist shattered my dreams. I have to remember that I was in love with Pretend Boy....and NOT feel ashamed that I was. Even highly educated, smart and intelligent women can be conned. I was.

BUT: I guess my userID says it all: NeverAgain!

Jun 4 - 7PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Gaslighting

This term comes from a 40's movie called "Gaslight" about a man who plays mind games with his wife to convince her that she is losing her mind. It's a really simple game but an extremely effective way to gain mental control over someone because it causes them to question their own judgment and sense of reality. Perhaps you suddenly start misplacing and losing things far more frequently than you ever have before. You are absolutely certain that you put the keys on the cupboard, but they're not there. It throws you off balance because you always put them on the cupboard and can't understand why you would have put them somewhere else. After much anxious searching, you finally find them in the most unlikely place. - Even now you have no recall of putting them there, perhaps you don't even remember entering this room after coming home. This can happen to us sometimes, but gaslighting is when we did not misplace the keys in the first place. They were moved and we were made to believe that we had misplaced them. Another example is that you start getting things wrong. You're supposed to meet darling bully at your favourite restaurant for dinner. You plan it well to make sure that you arrive exactly at 7pm as agreed. Now this can go a number of ways: He is standing waiting and in a foul mood because you are so late, insisting that he told you to be there at 6:30. You are absolutely convinced that he said 7. He is not there and you wait and wait. He finally arrives at 7:30, insisting that this is the time he told you to meet him. As with the prior situation, you are convinced he said 7. He is not there and you wait and wait. Finally you get a call asking you where you are. He insists that he had told you to meet him at the other restaurant. You are convinced he said this one. There are many variations on the theme and they can sometimes get quite elaborate, with various details built in to make it more certain that you were the one who misunderstood. The added detail adds plausibility to his version and makes it seem more likely that you are the one who got it wrong. Gaslighting is a game that can be played in a number of different ways and the key factor is that you begin to question yourself and feel as if you are losing your mind. The initiator can do this to you for one of two reasons: because they find it entertaining to watch somebody getting distressed or because they are deliberately trying to make you and other people doubt yourself - and ultimately your sanity - as a strategic move. The desired end result could be anything from simply having power over you to a deliberate preparation for a child custody battle. http://www.cosmicwalk.co.za/games-gaslighting.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 4 - 7PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

neveragain

OH! This topic is so hurtful to me, because it was very upsetting when I figured out this was happening to me, and it had a name! The things he'd do PURPOSELY to me that led me to believe I was losing it. This made me understand that he wasn't and isn't capable of love. Nobody would do anything like this if they really loved you. I swear he hid little things on me, because it bugged him that I wasn't a neat fanatic like him. I'm sure it was to teach me a lesson. He'd also have "no" recollection of conversations. It was maddening. In the movie, you can see Ingrid Bergman breaking down completely, doubting herself in everything when she finally discovers the truth. I love the part where she tells him off.
Jun 3 - 11PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

The movie is a classic. The

The movie is a classic. The woman gets rescued by another man and in real life we often have to rescue ourselves. it sounds like you have found a book that everywoman should read.
Jun 3 - 11PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Neveragain

That's right! You will never let it happen again. I'm so glad you're feeling better than you have in months and thanks for listening to our show!