Genetic?

My narc husband is the son a man who has bipolar. (I have read a few article that discuss how bipolar and narcissism over lap, and how misdiagnosis is often made my medical practionoers about patients who exhibit the very similar character traits) His father was an aggressive angry alcoholic when my husband was a small boy. He did little or nothing with his children and on occasions could be violent. His wife left him to go back to a safe ‘geeky’ ex. The whole family seem kind of emotionally switched off without sounding too judgemental. I tried to talk to his mother once about husband’s behaviours and she couldn’t handle the conversation. She agreed he was argumentative as a child but I guess she didn’t really wana face off with the reality of that fact that he is, too much, like his father. However he despises his father and tries to be everything he is not. Ah ah… I don’t know if he realises that there are a lot elements in him he cannot change because of that twisted upbringing. (Not without therapy and work anyway) And yes he is by far a better father… for sure but he is still disconnected and self serving like his father… This week his brother goes to jail for an accident where he killed a motor cyclist. So his father gets himself a prescription for a strong drug, stronger that Valium, not sure what it is, to knock him out for a few days while it all goes ahead. My husband says, ‘yes typical dad. Making it about him’ I felt I understood it ALL in that moment. I felt kind of sorry for him though it doesn’t excuse his foul treatment of me, I still felt sorry for him. It seems weird to me that if your son was about to be jailed for an accident in which he killed someone, and then you need to be strong for your son. You need to handle your ‘own’ business and be there for your son as much as you can in that very difficult moment. It does seem quite selfish. But who can imagine the pain of this stuff and I could never judge as I just can’t relate. Bipolar? Narcissism? Whatever it is, it defiantly runs in this family. I checked out some symptoms for bipolar and I discovered that my narc husband exhibited a fair few of them, disassociative states, happy and delirious to catatonic and depressive, hypermania, paranoia, heightened sense of self-importance and reduced sense of well being in mixed combinations, Inability to be dependable, Feeling more important that usual. Switch between being excited and overly interested in sex and then not interested at all. Irritable with people who can’t get along with your moods swings or swinging ideals. When depressed, person feels guilty, worse than anybody else, or even that they do not exist. When manic, person may feel important, on a mission or think they have special powers or abilities. I am not suggesting these ‘things are the same at all… I am just drawing conclusion about there similarities and the misdiagnosis of narcissism and bipolar due to the similarities. After all, don’t they say, that not all narcissists are pathological but all pathological are narcissistic. So maybe not all people with bipolar are narcissistic but all narcissistic people definitely exhibit some of these rather similar behaviour traits. What happens to you if you mother or father has bipolar? How does that shape a child’s development. I had another friend whose father was bipolar, he used to get so depressed he couldn’t speak or move. He would go from this flamboyant character, who was wrote a biography about his ‘exciting’ life, and how he found God, escaping form prisons, idealising woman, etc. He had a new hobby every few weeks or months, it always cost more to furnish his new hobby and the kids wore clothes with holes in... He never finished anything he started. He had periods of hyper-mania where he would be high as a kite for weeks on end with new projects and new ideals. He was an adulterous and had lost of tumultuous affairs. He was a mad evangelist who brainwashed little children to join ‘his church’ (I was one of them) (he coudlt attract adult s because they could see through him) where he proceeded to scare the children with strange rituals to rid the children of there daemons etc… OMG , I cringe now at them memories.. Very mad guy. Funnily enough she ran away form home at 18 and never returned. She told me how when she was a little girl, she had climbed on top of him where he lay on the sofa, when he was depressed. How she wept and cried on him, begging him to speak to her and begging him to get up of the sofa where he had been laying for days on end. He didn’t move a muscle. He just lay there staring. I used to find it very upsetting to think of this little girl begging for some small particle of hope and love from this man who was too ‘out of it’ to even acknowledged her presence. Very upsetting… I am not knocking depression… Of course I can see that all people can get depressed and Lord know I feel I have failed my son in the past with my own depression… I am just thinking about genetics and cycles and the possibility of breaking cycles, thinking about, how living with a parent who is emotionally deficient can affect a child’s development. Its not clear cut is it? Many people with narc mother or father can survive and break the cycle, alas I think that some people are destined to follow in there parents foot steps no matter what…

My ex-P talked about being hospitalized as a child due to his chilling lack of emotions. His parents OBVIOUSLY saw he had a problem. Isn't the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath that with the latter, the latter arises from bad socialization? A sociopath results from an abusive upbringing, while a psychopath is just wired that way. My ex-P always spoke well of his parents, especially his father. He did, however, mention driving his maternal grandmother crazy and he was incredibly cruel when I gave him my sympathy on account of his aunt's cancer. There's an interesting article on the internet about how the brains of psychopaths and autism sufferers are surprisingly similar. The same problems with mirror neurons, problems with language, empathy. The difference is the autistic are more likely to be victims than victimizers.

Sounds like you were married to the mob. I have been developing some theories as to what causes this pathology and this is what I have come up with so far. In the developmental phase of the fetal brain, two vitamins, if taken in excess by the mother, can cause damage. These being A and D. If you research the food that contains too much of these vitamins, they are shell fish, crustaceans, pork and fish without scales such as shark and tuna. Interestingly these food types are all non kosher foods. Actually it is interesting to think that tyrannical N leaders throughout history have always tried to destroy the Jews. (Stalin and Hitler just to name a couple) Maybe they did know something after all? Just my theories....