The Good (ahem, getting-better) Life: An Update (with some words of both caution and encouragement)

So I have pretty much dropped off the face of the the internet since I have been getting better. I have been running, biking, finding new friends, playing guitar, making art, planning for school, soaking up summer: feeling good, feeling better.

NC (with a couple of fumbles along the way - as in, 2) I had not seen him or had a "conversation" (if I dare to call it that) with him since mid April. Almost 4 months?

He was at a party that I was at. Mutual friends, going away kind of deal. It is all I can do to pity the poor creature as he makes up his reality as it goes long... completely unaware of others, the consequences of his actions/words, and proud to a fault.

I feel strong that I can see this. Feel compassion, from a distance, knowing he is dangerous, but he is also a human, and under all the BS, a human in agony.

He acted nice to me. Like "in the beginning." This becomes dark, but also light. I feel darkness, like I am starting to fall into a place in my heart where I thought I shared mutual experiences of compassion, love, care, thought, empathy, affection, respect. I did not share these. Not really.

I caught myself and realized I had been stuck in a hypnotic state, and, upon realizing this, snapped out of it. Understanding is key. Learn learn learn. Read read read. It has helped me beyond belief, esp because my friends and family (and even my psychologist to a certain extent) don't grasp everything I need to process before I am healed...

I am love, I am kindness, I am joy.
Peace,
(because the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs)