Grossot!

9 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Mar 21 - 12AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Grossot!

Hi Grossot, How did it go today? You're in my thoughts and prayers and am anxious to hear what's new.

Love,
Lisa

Mar 24 - 5AM
grossot
grossot's picture

Thank you Lisa and Barbara.

Thank you Lisa and Barbara. I'll be sure to take all of this advice. I'm so blessed to have contacted you all. Barbara - what are some examples of the gaslighting he has done to me? I had thought of some things I suspected him of but I didn't think I had mentioned it on here. I can't prove it anyway. (I remember one day coming home and my MIL had ironed all of my pants and hung them in the front of my closet. I thought this was so sweet at the time. Then, I noticed them fitting tighter somewhere around that same time. I know I was gaining weight though. But I was 5'9" 152 lbs and size 10 pants were getting small around the waist. I wonder if he had her move the buttons? I'd probably have noticed that though....). Also, when His Majesty's mother found out about the affair, she told me I needed to change my work schedule and "fix this". That made me feel like this was my fault. I was very close to my MIL/FIL and talked to her every other day which was way more than His Majesty ever talked to her that I know of. Now, my in-laws won't have anything to do with me. Thanks again! All of the info is extremely helpful! nolongercontrolled
Mar 24 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Grossot

Oh, I bet those buttons were moved! Unreal, isn't it?!
Mar 24 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

gaslighting

Ex NH's mother is a psychopath. I am 100% sure and her daughter agrees with me. She stalked us (flew 400 miles here, rented a car and a hotel!!) and I caught her. To this day Ex NH doesn't believe me. His own sister told him she did the same to her when she went no contact - and that was 3000 miles away! One of the dumbest gaslighting moves I ever heard was a friend of mine, who's Narc & she were divorcing - stopped by the house (she & kids live there) to pick some things up. He wasn't gone an hour and the toilet seat downstairs was loose. Next couple visits - same thing. So she felt she had to check or she'd loose her mind. The bastard took a screwdriver and loosened EVERY TOILET SEAT upstairs and down - HOPING she'd call HIM to fix it!!! LOL!!! He was sooo ticked she was fixing it herself he probably became obsessive about doing it on every visit. She gave me a great piece of advice "despite the impulse to call him when you have a problem (immediately after he's gone) DON'T. YOU HAVE TO ACT LIKE HE'S DEAD" Yes - it took me a while to remember that. Ex NH has spent money then accused me of stealing from him. Taken food from my kitchen and lied about it. I wouldn't be surprised if something was done to every one of those pants. Usually if you think someone's messing with you - THEY ARE.
Mar 22 - 12AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

evaluation

First off - be SURE to TELL your lawyer (you hired him - he should take direction from YOU not the other way around) that your EX HAS TO PAY FOR HIS OWN EVALUATION. PERIOD. Now as to the psych: Be honest do NOT say you think he's a narc or a sociopath (you're not a doctor) but say "he's or he dones(fill in with all the N traits you can think of!!!)" ex: "he projects on to me. tells me I do XYZ - when HE does XYZ" "he GASLIGHTS me which causes confusion & depression" "his affair with XXX made me feel YYYY" "his affair scared me because ZZZZZ" "he scared me when he got in the bathtub naked with my daughter. and he raged at me when I called him on it" "he lies so much I was no longer sure what the truth was, which caused me a lot of anxiety" "my daughter cries after she sees him, which - as a mother - upsets me. I want to protect her. I WANT SUPERVISED VISITATION FOR HIM!" THIS IS GREAT TO TELL THE PSYCH: I'm so sick of my daughter being treated like a trophy - a prize one of us "gets". Where does he get off saying who gets her when - isn't that what a judge is for? This shows how he thinks of your child as an OBJECT. SCARY!! And basically, you were a normal healthy person until he walked into your life and CHANGED INTO A MONSTER AFTER MARRIAGE. got it? Also please read: http://www.randijames.com/2009/03/child-custody-evaluators-and-their.html http://abuserecovery.synthasite.com/divorce-and-custody.php
Mar 21 - 5AM
grossot
grossot's picture

Oh yea, I forgot to mention

Oh yea, I forgot to mention his majesty said he'd gotten in the tub many times with (daughter) before. How come I never new about this? This makes me so sick. On some level I did know it because when I saw them in the tub together, my daughter acted as if everything were normal - I knew this had happened before but he never told me. He told the court that I never had a problem with it until the "divorce situation" I assume that means the affair he doesn't want to admit to. When she was in diapers we each got in the tub with her...maybe that was wrong, IDK. from 2-4 only I would get in the tub with her (or so I thought) because I DONT HAVE A PENIS! God, I'm so sick for my baby... nolongercontrolled
Mar 21 - 5AM
grossot
grossot's picture

Thanks Lisa. judge ruled for

Thanks Lisa. judge ruled for a psych eval for all parties (myself included) but I'm glad - because I welcome any advice and because I get to talk to the same Psychiatrist he does. The opposing lawyer did not agree with the psychiatrist chosen by my lawyer so the judge is going to call around and find out whose available to do it. I have to be ready to expense it. But I wonder if the psych finds something with STBX-N if I can request he pay for his evaluation? Also, STBX-N only had 1 witness. I had none (although 4 people agreed to do it for me - my lawyer said I did not need any because STBX-N said on record he did not have a problem with my parenting skills - funny because he always told me I was a scaterbrained mom and couldn't handle any more children) He tried to get his witness to testify as an expert because she's a pediatric nurse but my lawyer objected and said that she was not an expert through the court - judge agreed and she was asked to leave. She said, "As a mandated reported I would never ever ever ever think of (defendant) as being innapropriate with his daughter" She also established their friendship by saying "my son would not be where he is today without (defendant). (He works for the family taking care of their autistic son.) Then she had a story...she claimed to have brought dinner to our house one night and I was the only one there and I asked her what her opinion was on my daughter's masturbation and as a pediatric nurse she told me it was perfectly normal. THAT NEVER HAPPENED! I WOULD NEVER TRUST HER WITH THAT INFORMATION. Anyway, all that did was confirm that the only witness he could get had to lie and was over ruled! On another note, STBX- N asked his brother's wife to witness that he was (daughter's) caregiver 50% of the time....she said (we're talking about his own sil here) "what I have to say on the stand would not be to your benefit!" He told her "well, if you're not comfortable with it you don't have to." I think she's beginning to see the N for who he really is.... Thanks for thinking of me. Any advice or comment is much appreciated I LOVE THIS FORUM! nolongercontrolled
Mar 22 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Grossot

Hi Grossot, Thanks for the update. Glad to hear the psych eval has been scheduled as well as the next trial date. I agree with Barbara that you should NOT have to pay for pysch eval. No way! My heart goes out to you. You are going through so much, but like I said before, you have your daughter's best interest at heart and your STBX, His Majesty, does not. At the end of the day, this will become apparent to the judge. I believe that the truth always finds a way to reveal itself. The Serenity Prayer always helps me in times where I wish I had more control than I actually do. You're doing everything you can to keep your daughter away from this sick man and you should be proud of yourself for that. At the end of the day, after answering whether you have done everything you can to help your daughter, think about the serenity prayer. It will help you to stop obsessing over things you cannot control. God, grant me the serenity to Accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the different Hang in there and know we're all here for you. xoxo, Lisa
Mar 21 - 5AM (Reply to #2)
grossot
grossot's picture

In addition

I'm referring to MY STBX - N as His Majesty now. here's why: After the hearing where nothing was determined about the custody at this time..we have to continue the verbal agreement we have with her time shared...His Majesty texted me. It read: "I will be taking (daughter) on vacation July 27th thru June 5th with me. This will be my one week in the summer. I believe we should each get her a week." I'm so sick of my daughter being treated like a trophy - a prize one of us "gets". Where does he get off saying who gets her when - isn't that what a judge is for? Don't I get a say?.. I wanted to text back...."will you be spending your vacation in a bathtub with my daughter?" nolongercontrolled