Went for a nice dinner today with my kids (who being raised X-tian - probably because exNH likes to make fun of my religious choices) and had a lovely steak filet.
So much for Pharoah! LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
My late therapist told me a minimum of 18 months before you START to feel relief.
It varies from person to person. I already had PTSD from a Narc Mother, Sociopath boyfriend and NarcH so when Psycho-Boy came along it took years to really get free. I'd say it took me 4 years. That includes 3 ER visits and 10 days in a clinic that deals with PTSD.
Sandra Brown, MA does offer intensive healing weeks at her facility and the women I know who went got better a lot faster. PTSD is a Trauma Disorder (even though the DSMV calls it mental disorder) it is NOT mental illness.
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2007/12/why-focused-recovery-is-necessary.html
It's hard to say. The women I counsel? I would say 18 months is about right. While a normal breakup usually takes a couple months - a pathological takes a long time. I recommend they get certain hypnosis CDs to help them DEPROGRAM. The more I do this the more I see it is so much like deprogramming a cult member. You have to get the brain washing out the same way it went in. Either with hypnosis or through talking it out over many weeks.
The FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) takes a long time to lift with a pathological. I wish I could say a few weeks or a few months but the clock is different for everyone - depends on how your mind & body react to the trauma. And make no mistake - Narcs are TRAUMATIC experiences.
For Brown's opinion you'd have to read through her site: http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
I guess it's to be expected for it to take that much time. I may try some of those CD's too, thanks for the tip. Anything that helps, I'm all for.
I'm so upset that now I have to start taking meds to keep my anxiety under control. My therapist said I've let it go too long, she wants to get it under control before it gets out of hand, that I've been very traumatized, etc...Yay.
I've made it this far without therapy and meds my whole life, and because of him I need to do this crap. He's the one who should be doped up and thrown into intensive therapy...but of course, he thinks there is nothing wrong with him except that he made a couple of 'mistakes'.
Sorry, just venting...I think I'll go steal some chocolate out of my son's Easter stuff and chill :P
I know I sound like broken record but I tried a few cds and the only ones I really found helped were Sandra Brown's
http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/category/products-and-services/audio-products
I don't understand why women are upset about taking anti-anxiety meds. Is it the stigma? Look at it for PTSD.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the best answer for those who can. Either in person or on the phone. I believe you have to talk it all out, as often as you need to, no matter how long.
Research shows abuse - yes, verbal, emotional & sexual abuse from an N or P (like a lot of abuse) CHANGES THE CHEMICAL BALANCE IN YOUR BRAIN. So you have to take something to get it re-stabilized? Just like someone with hypertension or diabetes. You do have to get it under control now before it takes even more meds to re-stabilize you.
Just shows you how PROFOUND the damage to your brain is from these heartless cretins.
http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/
(the best one is the one that says "defective" - click on it - everyone here should read it!)
I am going to post something by Brown on PTSD that I show a lot of people - check the message board.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Many of the postings ask how long it takes to get over narcissists. These individuals use abuse and betrayal to control others and it takes a long time to get over this type of trauma. I wonder if Lisa or Ms. Brown have any ideas about how long it takes to process the hurt and get back in emotional balance? Easter is a time for resurrection and I wonder if there is a reasonable time for women to 'come back' from this brutal abuse? I have a neighbor who told me it took her 7 years I was surprised at this as it took me 7 years to get over my bad experience.
I was talking to a psych nurse about how many of these narcissists she thought there were in the population and she answered 95%. Many women who have these experiences think they just had the bad luck to run into a rare type of male. Maybe Lisa could give us an idea about how common these men are in the population?
I agree with Barbara that it does take much longer to heal from these types of relationships because the abuse does mess with your head. The chemistry in your brain does get distorted and it requires a lot of work to re-program it. I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for this and believe it is critical in getting well. The good news in all this is that we can re-train our brain, as they say, but it requires work. A Cognitive Behavioral Therapist is the best person to see for this type of thing.
As far as how many people suffer from NPD, studies show 2-6%. However, as Barbara indicated this number is far under-reported because narcissists do NOT seek therapy. While their behavior causes angst and grief to those around them, it works quite well for them. They rarely have any desire to change and therefore, do not seek out therapy. Since they do not seek help, the occurence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder goes unreported.
Yikes...I'm at less than 2 months since mine left, I can't imagine 7 years of feeling like this. Wow, I feel for you Carolyn. Right now, I'm taking lots of action in hopes to reduce the damage this has caused...looking forward to the day where I don't feel like I'm in a fog.
You really think 95%?? That is just plain scary. I think of the people that I know, it doesn't seem like most have anything close to the same traits my ex had. I know some that are a bit selfish, but I don't know how much that qualifies as narcissistic.
I guess when I'm ready to date again, I'll have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding my prince...! ;)
Dr. Hare - the leading researcher in Psychopathy - says about 2% of the overall population.
Sandra Brown in WWLP says 8 million people - that's 6 million men and 2 million women are "psychopathic enough" to destroy other peoples lives. And all of them are ACTIVELY HUNTING for prey.
At least 95% of the prison population, according to Hare - is pathological.
I doubt we'll ever know exactly how many because these people rarely get diagnosed. How many narcs or Ps who think they're PERFECT and ALWAYS right would go to a shrink and be honest?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Pharoh really was a pathological, wasn't he?
Just a little Passover/ Easter Sharing:
Say to Pharoh, 'The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, sent me to you to say, "Let my people go, so that they may worship me in the wilderness." But until now you have not listened.
-- Exodus 7:17
The enemy said, 'I will pursue, I will overtake,
I will divide the spoil, my desire shall have its fill of them.
I will draw my sword, my hand shall destroy them.'
You blew with your wind, the sea covered them;
they sank like lead in the mighty waters.
"Who is like you, O LORD, among the gods?
Who is like you, majestic in holiness,
awesome in splendor, doing wonders?
- Exodus
Let's hope that whatever God or diety we worship - they give us the strength to do something about our situations; and not wait for others to do it for us.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Us Jews are celebrating Passover - the Exodus from Egypt.
Lets hope we can all have an EXODUS from the influence of the N in our lives...
And save me some chocolate bunny! :P
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Passover
how long
healing
broken record - sorry
ms jeeves
Many of the postings ask how
How long and how many
Here's hoping...
percentage
exodus from the n
Thanks
Exodus is a wonderful
Happy Exodus & Happy Easter
AMEN to that