he blocked me - why do i feel like i am dying- he is gone for good

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Oct 17 - 1AM
KeshaN's picture

Be thankful. I know it is

Be thankful. I know it is hard to accept but it is for the best. My guess though is he will eventually contact you again. They always do and they enjoy making you feel the way you do right now. To me they like to play games. To see who's up and who's down. You told him not to contact you and so he was down and you are up. Then he did it anyway. Then he told you not to contact him and took it to the next level by blocking you. See what he did? It is a game to them. Now you are down and he is up. You are sad now and he is happy. Have you ever heard of the law my sir isaac newton that energy is never destroyed it is always transferred to one thing to the next. Well this is part of their game. They like transferring their negative energies to us. When they do they are completely happy. When you told him not to contact you he felt bad about it so her transferred it back to you by doing the same plus more. My N plays these games all of the time. It is always a competition with him. I sent my N a message (Know im not supposed to) just telling him how wonderful my life is without him. The point of this was to let him know that he didn't break me and that I am still happy. But guess what he did...he sent a pic of his new car to me. Immediately took my message as a game to win. A competition...wait there's more. The next day we talk about our kids and he mentioned how he was trying to get a job but was having a hard time without transportation. I said "I thought you had a new car?" He admitted that it was a lie. My N also always does the same as your guy does. if I tell him not to call me he will turn around and do the same thing to me as soon as the opportunity presents itself. Its a game. But we are not playing it they are. Its quite pathetic. But its the truth
Oct 17 - 1AM (Reply to #5)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

kesha- thanks- you are right

kesha- thanks- you are right that is what he would do- as soon as I did something he would do it too...not soon after. when I would block him - he would call it childish- it just did not phase him one bit. he would keep calling even though the number was blocked etc. I can see my N doing something similar about the new car- mine because i have some health issues- would suddenly have the same thing I did. once I called him out on it and he didnt really like it but said that I was right. he did take it to a new level now with being so harsh...never to contact him again and i cant text at all. my email to him was me being very very upset... i was not harsh at all..maybe it was the email though about me returning his stuff he didnt like.... he didnt have to be harsh to me either. I guess he is now thrilled that he won again... and now will be able to get so much done... usually he would just ask for a break nothing this permanant. he did admit once that he would purposely hurt me...and hated to be nasty- and if someone made him react in that manner then he would run from them. it just sux. i do know though I will be better off...the last 1.5 weeks i didnt talk to him on the phone and could sleep better at nite. i just have to somehow get to that point but that will be tough and to think he told me he wouldnt abandon me. or hurt me.
Oct 17 - 2AM (Reply to #6)
KeshaN's picture

He still has a strong hold on

He still has a strong hold on you. No offense but i can tell by what you say. You sound so hurt and confused. You remind me of how I used to be. He has brainwashed you. I feel sad for you. Because i know exactly how you feel. TRUST ME! I would swear I wrote this a couple of months ago. Sweetie as hard as it is to hear. You have to let him go. Not only physically but mentally. Aren't you tired of hurting like this? I know what I am saying could go in one ear and out the other when you are brainwashed by a PD. People told me all the time to leave him and I never listened. i had to realize it on my own I had to do it when I was ready. But you have to see that this won't change. How long has it been going on now? How many chances have you given him? How often do you feel this way? It isn't healthy for you and this is not love. He does not love you. He cannot he is incapable of it. the longer you stay the worse off it will get. It already has. You said it yourself that he has never done this before.. this occasion is the bad getting worse. I used to say that. Oh he never did this before ...it must be over...what did I do? Maybe I shouldn't have said this or that...I can't sleep....BRAINWASH Guess what it wasn't over...I took him back...he did it again...he did something else he had never done before that hurt worse then what he did before...I was hurt again....I wondered what I did wrong...how could he do me this way...i couldn't sleep...i couldn't stop thinking about it...wondered was it really over...it wasn't and the pattern continued until he started doing the most horrible things to me. What you know is the Devaluing has begun and once that happens its downhill from there. It won't get better. He will come back and it will appear to have gotten better but eventually it will pick up from where it left off. you need some support and if you ever need someone to talk to you can contact me. i am here. because I see where you are at I remember when I was there. Goodluck
Oct 17 - 3AM (Reply to #7)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thank you- as you can see I

thank you- as you can see I am still up three days now with little sleep and that is ending tomorrow nite...tonite i would have been in bed...but the Narc decided to somehow block my email and let me know it around 1030- as the email i think was fwd from the ISP server...just odd really. you describe exactly what goes on with my Narc...even just yesterday things were going well...and i thought OK things are back to an OK level again...but i was hurt by something and then ended it... but he didnt listen to me to not contact me if he had listened..... so this is his fault in a way as well as mine. I am brainwashed... he has me brainwashed I need him... he offers some professional services for free and has really helped me out from that end of things.... I think the devaluing began... hmmm In june.... but this is the worst it has gotten. in some ways...although he was not nasty in the emails like in the past... just seemed more like this is the final ending. I know what i have and need to do.i just have to get to that point....yet part of me still cant believe this is happening....I feel like I am dreaming. you are right I gave him chances although he claims he told me we could no longer fight... but it does take two..and i wasnt fighting today. bottom line he doesnt care if he did he wouldnt have walked out now...not with how much I am going thru. LOL yesterday he told me he wouldnt abandon me .... and we try to escape and keep coming back to eachother so we must care deeply for eachother. what a joke...makes me wanna puke. I also find myself thinking of my past narc xbf... like most of this hurt is from that relationship...it is hard to process... but I feel that all over again. like it is that i am reliving...maybe that is even the trigger... thanks again for your support. I wish i could just fast forward past this
Oct 17 - 12AM
strivingforhealing (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Destiny- please investigate the source of where your pain is

from the way you post- how agonized you are from his sometimes small rejections, of the hot and cold treatment, of his dismissiveness- it seems to me that this is triggering a very old wound in you. I only say this because I recognize your deep pain in me. and I know it is much older than this current Narc. Can you find a good therapist who can help you trace where this pain comes from? i believe it is from long long ago dear destiny. and if you find the original pain- you can begin to recognize that this Narc is really not that special, not that important- he actually is just a messager guiding you back to all your self limiting beliefs that keep you bound believing you are not good enough, not worthy enough, not special enough. Honestly, Destiny- until you start to look outside of him - your world is going to be very small- and he will continue to fill it up with darkness, insanity, obsession and angst. Please see the big picture- find your lost little girl inside all the pain and bring her back home. This is not about him anymore. This is about you, the you that is lost.
Oct 17 - 12AM (Reply to #2)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thanks striving- you make so

thanks striving- you make so much sense...and I was telling that to Narc last nite, his trigger I dont think it is him... and he agreed(often he was insightful and could tell me what was wrong with me) I do think it is from something in the past.... but what I havent a clue really. or maybe the way it started with Nar and myself he was so attentive and then all that changed and maybe i saw that as a connection to some abandonment that happend to me long ago...or maybe even in the last narc relationship. i never really thought it was narc... and interesting you also picked up on this. thank you
Oct 17 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
TNR1's picture

Hi Destiny...I don't know if

Hi Destiny...I don't know if you are in therapy but if you aren't, I highly recommend finding a therapist who you can talk to about this situation. As you have pointed out, this is your second N relationship and I'm concerned that if you do not get to the root of exactly what it is that draws you to these men, you will likely get sucked back to this one or find yourself in another N relationship. I know exactly where you are coming from (I think we've all been there). What you need is time and distance from this man (neither of which you've had sufficient quantities of) so that you can start the process of untangling yourself from him. I honestly don't think it is good for you to work with him. The fact that you see him on a daily basis is hindering your ability to let him go. Narcs are all about the Narc...everything they do is about themselves..and you deserve so much more!!