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He disappeared again

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#1 Aug 15 - 1AM
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

He disappeared again

Funny, when I last posted a topic several days ago I wondered how to start NC because he had been contacting me everyday mostly by text or email, and some phone calls. Anyway, I wasn't sure how I wanted to start NC. Well, I haven't heard from him since Wednesday. So typical. I have NEVER in my life, not EVER, encountered someone so shallow with words. Honestly, I try to squeeze and force my brain to somehow make sense of it, and I only wind up with a headache. I have spent a lot of hours tonight reading all the posts you wonderful ladies have written to keep educating myself and it just breaks my heart and soul to see how many of us have suffered in such similar ways.

I wonder what goes on in his brain? Or their brains actually? I guess they can't think about how the other person feels at all. It really is abuse like someone else said here. We were together five years, on and off because of all the D&D's. I remember all the words of love, etc. And then to suddenly forget? How do they forget like that? Wow, that really is a science experiment. So anyway, he disappeared again. I wonder what he is going to say when he makes contact again in the next few days? I can't wait to post it here. Lets all have a good laugh at it.

Honestly, I still can't believe how long I put up with this behavior. Reading everyone's stories and advice has helped me out of this horrible darkness. Thank you all so very much. xoxo

Aug 15 - 12PM
Used
Used's picture

acgirl

that is so right to block or change numbers, there was a point in the earlier days, when i wouldnt do this cos i so wanted a text or call[ i used to stare at my phones willing them to ring] i know i know, then last year i changed both mobile and home phone, and this in its own way was more telling for me, cos i knew i was done please do it for your own peace of mind, and i hope you dont think i am bieng forward, please dont ask people how he is, when his friend saw him, you can bet he said did acgirl mention me, when he said yes, that was his cue to think she still cares, cos logicly, who would ask if someone was ok if they didnt care, i wouldnt,a few people when they have seen n or exh say to me they asked about you, i just look at them then move on, who cares wether they are ok.and i dont want them asking about me either. this was also cos you were with a friend, if you had been on your own and looking lost ,he would have thought good.you wouldnt have heard from him then, till it suited him
Aug 15 - 11AM
Janet
Janet's picture

It isn't a good laugh to

It isn't a good laugh to hear what he has to say. You need to block him. How to start NC? Just start. He is not at all hard to figure out. He is the same as the other N's. For them everything is just a means to an end for them. Your life is interesting. Live it, free from this creep. Peace. J

Peace. J

Aug 15 - 9AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

ACgirl

ACgirl I too tried to figure out what the hell was going on in his head & make sense of it all. coming here has helped me realize I never will. And I guess in a way I'm thankful for that bucuz if i could understand his way of thinking that means i'm like him and there's no way in hell i am or want to be. Hardest for me were beleiving all the words of love only to find he was txting OW and had slept w/her when he went to his home state. How can anyone do that is beyond my comprehension! We had been together on/off for over 9 yrs and I always beleived we would be a part of each others lives and we would eventually get it right and make us work. I was soo blind and trusting that this time would be different. I kicked him out 4 1/2 months ago after he denied being w/OW and lied to my face(well not exactly as they can't look us in the face) I true loving healthy relationship is not what any of us have had. I read and reread Lisa's blogs about Ns. It just all makes so much sense and helps me to understand IT WASN'T ME IT WAS HIM! I come here everyday. I'm getting my sanity back. Just DON'T answer his texts,calls,NOTHING! YOU BE IN CHARGE! You may think you can reason with him and get some closure with/thru him but I promise you won't. Just like the relationship we had with them we have to do the hard work ourselves & go NC! It's worth it!
Aug 15 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Janet is right, the most

Janet is right, the most powerful message you can send is by changing your cell number or blocking him, whichever is possible. It is the most empowering thing for you too. I was so reluctant to do this because I had had the number for so many years, but I did it and he knew I would never have done it easily. When he decides to reappear and gets that 'this line is no longer in service' you will have responded in the most powerful way possible. Also, faithinthefuture, mine could look me right in the eyes and lie to my face. Cool as a cucumber. He was very exacting with his semantics so that he could say I didn't lie to you but in the heat of the moment, like being caught redhanded, it was no big deal to look me in the eye and lie his ass off. That was one of the last things his father said to me a couple years ago, with this sad look on his face, '[Almostlydia], he can look you right in the eyes and lie to your face.' I had to wonder if his father ever once took responsibility for producing this devil that his son became because of him. almostlydia

almostlydia

Aug 15 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

almostlydia

Wow! Mine could never look me in the eye. He would hang his head down, look the other way, or just not respond. The only time he would be "cool as a cucumber" was thru texts or on the phone. He was/is such a f'n chicken shit w/no backbone! And janet & almostlydia are right. Block your number! it's going to piss him off but you'll be smiling when it does.
Aug 15 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

faith

I'm thinking my ex was a 'super N'. He really didn't have much backbone, but he had the practice of deceit down to a perfect science. But his real game was telling people lies to their face with the sole purpose of daring them to say anything. He had already made examples of others that would dare contradict or question him by very publicly turning everyone against them (with lies) and then kicking them out of his business. So if you wanted to continue here, you had to eat your pride and swallow whatever lies he wanted to say. He enjoyed the power especially because otherwise, they were so out of his league in the world, especially in his mind. I was the one who could no longer look him in the eyes while he was lying to me. almostlydia

almostlydia

Aug 15 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

Oh lydia

Oh lydia and I was the one who would look him straight in the face and still believe the lies he told me while looking the other way. Until 4 months ago. I said no more.