his wedding is at 2:30 today

janet, you are the lucky one, imagine what her life will be like with him, the lies, the cheating, the moods, and the awful way of being emotionally abused. how sad for her, how lucky for you.......you now have a chance to love and be loved by a normal human being, not a monster....i will pray for you........xoxo Jaycee

WE are the lucky ones, just like all of these great women have said. How are you feeling today?

You didn't dodge a bullet... it was more like a cannonball :) My ex-narc got married a few months ago... and very quickly I should add. It was very tough for me (to say the least), but now that some time has past I can see that it was a gift. It gave me a TON of closure and I feel so much better now. He's no longer my problem. It is more than OK to feel like poo now... it is completely normal. Feel the pain now... because the only way out is through.

Be brave keep strong you can do this. Continue to look after you. In time you will see you have had a lucky escape and the OW has done you a favour, you will come to see her as your saviour and out from a horrible life. I am not telling you this because it is what you want to hear I am telling you this because it is the truth and you will come to see this. Hope you felt good after your run and gym.....bet your looking real gooooood. :-))) (((Big Hug)))

You're a really strong woman, i cried when I found out he was dating another girl, i know..pretty soon i will also find out that he's getting married to her, but you know what..she's the fool and you know it all too well... God has been kind to you...he forced you to let go off him. And although all of us women on this site might not be there for you physically, we all feel for you and care about you Treat yourself well and spoil yourself this week because you truly deserve it!

You're a really strong woman, i cried when I found out he was dating another girl, i know..pretty soon i will also find out that he's getting married to her, but you know what..she's the fool and you know it all too well... God has been kind to you...he forced you to let go off him. And although all of us women on this site might not be there for you physically, we all feel for you and care about you Treat yourself well and spoil yourself this week because you truly deserve it!

Almostlydia is right: "You dodged a bullet today." You certainly did! Thank God you are no longer with him. He is not happy with her nor will he ever by happy with anyone! Narcissists disconnect from themselves as a child. What may be more important for you to understand, however, is not only have they disconnected from themselves, but they will NEVER allow themselves to connect with another person. Narcissists live in a world of fear. They are afraid of being exposed, afraid of being abandoned and afraid of losing control. Living in a state of fear like this causes them to always be in a fight or flight mode. They are always on the defense and unable to let their guard down. As a result, they do not attach to others in a healthy way and inevitably destroy any trust that once existed in a relationship. A healthy relationship with a narcissist can never exist. Be grateful you dodged a bullet like AlmostLydia said and embrace your newfound freedom! You deserve real genuine love and you are now open to receiving that which you deserve! xoxo

You dodged a bullet today. You know you did. almostlydia

Thank god you were at the gym today at 2:30! You my friend are one of the lucky ones that didn't become the wife. Not because you weren't good enough or couldn't make it work! NO NO! Because you are LUCKY. I was/am the wife and believe me, it is and will always will be hell to divorce a Narcissist. The only way to survive is to divorce them if you want any kind of real happiness.

I know this must be very trying for you on this day, but you have come so far! I remember reading all of your posts when I was in very rough shape and found your strength to be so comforting. You still have that strength, and you will see it again, once the initial shock of this has passed. Ask yourself honestly, "If he knocked at my door right now and asked me to marry him, what would I say?" I'll bet it would be NO, so not a loss for you, but rather a gain. You really know what this guy is all about now and the OW will, soon enough - that's a guarantee! Hugs!!

Hi Janet, I am exactly where you are. I found out today that the narc is getting married in 2 weeks. I am having many of the same thoughts you are. I know our situations are pretty similar, so here is what I am thinking: we were together for over 5 years, never lived together, never really talked seriously about marriage. Now, in 9 months he was engaged and 5 months later is getting married. I am thinking that she really doesn't know him and it will all start to come out when they are living together. She is going to go through just what I went through, only she'll have to go through a divorce where I just walked away. Why is he getting married now? Is she really THE ONE? I doubt it. She has something that he wants. I have no idea what that is, but it is something. And he is either going to take it and leave, or he will drive her into such insanity that she will have to leave. He will never be satisfied with what he's got. I don't believe a marriage license or vows in front of God mean anything to them. They only do what they have to do to get what they want. Just keep in your mind that this too shall pass, and he will get bored and move on, or cheat, forcing her to move on. I am also thinking that this will buy me some more time to get on with my life so there will be no way he can try to recycle me. I'm sorry you're going through this, Janet. It just makes us have a lot of questions again. Stay strong and it will pass just like when we found out they were dating, when they got engaged, all of it. He will never be happy. He's incapable. (((HUGS)))

For that poor new wife of his. She is probably beautifully dressed, and so hopeful. She's put so much work into this, so many hopes and dreams. And like the rest of us, she has NO idea what kind of hell she is on the brink of :( Pray for her, that she realizes sooner than you did, and wakes up and finds support and comfort and healing for herself cuz God knows she is going to need every bit of it :( You, on the other hand, are free. Free to move forward. Your heart, while heavy right now, is getting lighter every day of your freedom. The lessons and insights into yourself and life are more precious to you than it is possible to say. You never again have to be that poor victim on at an altar with stars in your eyes and a descent to Hell in your future.

It was the illusion and imagination that got you caught up in his web... Drop it... A few relapses and a couple of rounds of rehab... Is that what you're missing? I didn't think so... Hard to let go of the illusion I know... But that really is what it is... Do you really wish you were her? I don't miss the non-stop chaos The constant blaming everything and everyone under the sun for his dysfunction... So, what is it that you are imagining... Stop torturing yourself. Once you know the facts, the rest is on us... Let him go.

First off, keep in mind this day would be hard on you even if he wasn't an N. Second, try and be thankful that you dodged a bullet and it ISN'T you that will have to play the head games with this guy. Or God forbid try and play house and raise kids with him. Third, remind yourself how awesome you are to have the good sense to go to the gym and run on this beautiful Sunday. This is a huge hurdle -- and you WILL clear it. (((HUGS)))

We could start a board prayer group for his wife. She needs a LOT of prayers. Go to your gym and become more beautiful than ever....and remember who he is. ((hugs)))