Hoovering or sincere?

and you know what? EVEN IF HE WAS SINCERE, he is still disordered. I actually believe that my ex THINKs all of things and changing on some level, and he thinks that "I just didnt' try hard enough" and "overreacted" and he "wanted to try to work things out." He may sincerely think this and have an ounce of understanding that he destroyed all relatinoships in his life including his parents and friends. He may sincerely think that his childhood caused this and you know what, it may very well have. But I say this to myself every day, every single person has their reasons. Pedofiles were often abused as children. but that doesn't mean you would have them babysit your kids. they are still pedofiles. at the end of this hoover, he is still a sick person. they are disordered and when he has you back, the devaluing and cruelty will as well. stay strong and as Hunter says, DELETE DELETE DELETE:)

I have heard countless times from BOTH of my ex's that they have learned...they thanked me for the wake up call...they swore to go to therapy....they also admitted to being at fault and held themselves responsible for damaging the relationship...... 2 men said these exact things.... Countless times...... I took each of them back (one I have 3 children with)countless times..... Look where I am today!!!!!! They dont change....they are who they are....they are manipulating disordered creatures with mood swings, broken promises, who lead unstable existances....... It's not sincere (even if it was, it's only temporary to go with his temporary mood)....IT'S A HOOVER!!!!!!

Sound like a cheap attempt to triangulate to me

As I've heard it so eloquently put many times on the forum now: If their lips are moving they're lying. Even when they sound as if some of what they are saying might be the truth the N will have a cynical agenda and be acting purely to (re-)secure, manipulate or control supply. NC = sanity, self-respect & peace

His games and excuses will be never-ending.It will always be about him, and if he ever does go to a counselor---He will learn all kinds of new ideas for lies he can tell you. "My councelor said I have to focus on myself right now so i have to take it slow with you." "You'lle have to excuse me for my bad behavior. My councelor said its because Ive been through trauma." You'lle never hear the end of this bs if you stay with him. I put so much emotional and mental energy, and time and work into being patient with my N and trying to analize everything he said, and trying to make it work... its just a game to these guys. They have no heart for wasting someone else's time and life.

on his part, tell him to go to counseling for a year and the therapist can report back to you, his is setting you up, I bet my bottom dollar......you should ah ve read the gorgeous heartfelt letter the exnarc did to win me back and then he dumped me a year later, a&&hole

but IF you want to respond in any way at all (& break NC which I am NOT recommending), I'd like to offer an idea I read....I've read so f'g many books on this shit, I can't remember which one.....but the idea in this book was: #1: They DO NOT CHANGE! (as everyone here says). BUT.....if you want to "test it", do THIS: #2: Reply with "good for you (blah, blah, blah.....say anything you want) but then tell him "when you have had at least six months of WEEKLY counceling sessions and your THERAPIST calls me to tell me you've changed & invites me to join you, THEN we'll talk." We all KNOW you'll probably never hear from him again. But if you have any "if only..." or "just maybe...." stuff in your head, THIS just may put it (finally) to rest for you. 'Cause you see........this just WILL NOT EVER HAPPEN! But yet you "gave him a chance" (even thought he doesn't deserve it & YOU KNOW THAT!)

They act like because they spew this shit, it makes it so. Yep, he knows hes got some issues, but it will take a long time to sort and deal with his issues(even if he was willing). Tell him you aint his therapist or his mama. I know just from dealing with my issues, it has been hard work and I have left nowhere near the path of destruction my exnarc left. I had low self worth and the only person that hurt was myself. These freaks wreak havoc and then say "OH, sorry-I just didnt realize it". I have seen someone face their own path of destruction and they did it on their own and didnt reach out to the people they hurt. He is just trying to manipulate you into carrying some of his baggage so he can rest up to be the devil again. Sorry I went on a rant there. I totally get them now, finally.

OMG. The same old shit only on a different day. I have to agree that the e-mail sounds rehearsed. Have you or perhaps another supply tipped him off about being a narcissist? Sounds like a possibility. Stop & think of all the shit he has put you through i`m sure & run like hell. Stay the fuck away. He is not capable of changing. Sounds good but will never happen. As hard as it may be no contact is the best route for you to take. Don`t even read the bullshit he sends. DELETE DELETE!!!! The day will come when you no longer give a shit what he is doing period. Obviously you have a long road still ahead. Don`t let him ruin any progress you have made. No way in hell it could be worth it. You have got to stand for something or you will keep falling for anything. Only you can control it. It`s hard but you can do it. Think back to all the anxiety he has made you feel. Is he worth it? I think not. I wish you all the best & stay strong.

Mostly when they get called out on their shit. They vacillate from blaming others to blaming themselves. Which ever works best at the time. They frequently have these momments of truth and clarity when necessary. Some will never see this side of them and some will. Depends on what he wants and to what extent he needs to go in order to get it. If it works to blame you then this is what they do. As long as you are still willing to take the blame. Once that card is played out; then they play the, blame themselves card. Makes no difference to them which card they play. He must think that this is what you need to hear now and that you will respond to this. Looks like it is working just fine. He has you thinking that this is something new and maybe he is feeling something different. DO NOT BELIEVE IT FOR ONE SECOND. If you fall for this or feed into it within a relatively short period of time you will be right back to where you were before and in most cases even worse because he will GET OFF on the fact that this worked and feel even MORE IN CONTROL than usual. Buyer beware. He is selling the same goods, just using different packaging. God bless, Goldie

Please........mine professed his love while his GF lay in a hospital bed having her breasts removed. Don't believe a word he says. All he is doing is "securing" supply......your supply. Please don't fall for it!!!

When I read posts like this I want to beg you to run, run, run. My narc did something similar. He said he REEEEEALY wanted to talk to me. And when I did show up, it was to tell me that he wanted to be an honest guy, and he told me he could no longer date me and the OW, so he was just going to see the OW. WTF!! I didn't even know there was an OW. And the whole time he was telling me this, the OW was calling him on the phone every 5 minutes leaving him msgs like..." ARE you SLEEPING WITH HER". OMG!! He was using me to triangulate us. He was using me to get her jealous. And the weird things is that who the hell was this OW questioning him about me, I should have been questioning him about her. In any case, it was stupid of me to show up. But, he tricked me. So, why on earth would you want to talk to this ego head? So, my new line is (as the BeachBoy song sort of goes) run, run, run till my daddy takes the T-Bird away. You are the T-Bird. Take it away from him!! Man, these guys suck. So predictable. They are all the same. Textbook. Take the T-Bird away.

Why does he need to talk to you so bad? If it was all that great with his ex-GF and she "stuck by him", why isn't he still with her? One of the first things my N said at the beginning was, "I'm afraid of what I will do. I always screw up my relationships". He knew he was a "F" up from the beginning. Well, he screwed it up anyway! They CAN'T change. He's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear, based on what he thought his ex wanted to hear. New material - it worked on her for a while, maybe it will work on you. You are being hoovered!

Same thing different day..how many times will you continue to present us th same information.. Our answers don't change.. You want a man that doesn't exisit.. We all do.. You need to make a decision.. We can't do it for you.. What do you want out of this disordered person? He's telling you point blank.. how fucked up he is.. I think this a really good person to expose your child to.. WoW what a role model.. I hope your next post is about you moving forward instead of this same dish of rotted "scrambled eggs " from this s guy. Hunter

at telling you what you want to hear! I told mine so many wise things while we were going through the "mess"..and he would spit those words and thoughts right back at me: "Im working on myself" "Im figuring things out" "I know Im the only one who can fix me/save me" I could go ON and ON!! UGH!!!!

Then let him GET THE EXGF BACK... This email looks sincere, but he has DEVALUED YOU AGAIN BY MENTIONING HER.... I listened to exactly the same crap you are listening to, but in my case I was still with him, and he was saying, you have made me a better person, you have made me want to stay as upfront as you are without playing games... He was in a 3 year r/s at the time, and I didnt have a clue, and still wouldnt if she hadnt come and told me... THEY ARE SO FULL OF SHITE...AND ALL COME OUT WITH THE SAME OLD RUBBISH....DONT LISTEN!!!!!!

In all honesty, if my ex wrote this to me my first thought would be , HE FOUND THE FORUM lol That my friend is WAY too rehearsed!EXIT STAGE LEFT (as Wally Gator would say lol) Don't fall for it please, you will be back on his roller coaster, he doesn't want to ride alone , so he wants you to ride with him! You got off , now stay off!! Keep strong! His ex seen his real side and she left, the only thing she may have helped him with is to realize people are starting to see right through him! He cannot hold it together as well as he use to!

Shall I sing? 'me me me. its all about me, la la la' what does he want.. a tissue? a fuck? Sorry these N's really piss me off.