How did you do it?

Education about narcissistic personality disorder, the differences between cerebral and somatic. After you read as much as you can, read it again. When you start to weaken and feel sorry for him/her, pick up an article on "narcissism" and re-read it to remind yourself that it isn't YOU. Therapy---very important! Understand what makes YOU tick. Exercise, treat yourself with kindness, and do something you would never think of doing: take yourself to a good movie, take yourself to dinner, visit a museum, read a great book, get a massage, go to the beach, sap up the sun, discover what you have left behind, and DON'T LET HIM BACK IN YOUR LIFE, and try not to let him back into your thoughts, pull the switch and think of something else; the ghost of him lingers until you give him no thought.

Whenever you start to think/obsess about him, just think about the bad stuff instead of the good, because you will find the cons far outweigh the pros. Good for you. 3 weeks of No Contact. Think of it this way....he is going to be out of your life now. That means you no longer need to think about him or him with another woman. It no longer matters. After 5 months of NC this has been the biggest relief for me. I no longer talk to him, he is no longer in my life, therefore what he does with his time is no longer any concern of mine. I still feel lonely for him. I still think about him for hours of every day. The truth is, I prefer my loneliness to the anxiety, conflicting feelings, self hatred and loathing that I felt when I was living in his pretend world. We feel lonely and miss him because that is what normal people do when they "lose" someone they love. We loved our N's and gave them the best part of ourselves, but they are empty inside and gave nothing in return. Remind yourself that the only thing your N feels now is missing his supply source. If you look at it that way you will see he is an object and can put it in better perspective. Go away, forget about him and enjoy your vacation. Let it be a new beginning.

I wish I could give you a time frame of when it gets better but I can't. Everyone is different. All I know is it will take a long time. I've been busy as of late getting work done because I'll be going away too for my birthday. I can't stay here. For me these next two weeks it will be a year ago that things came crashing down around me. When I reached my absolute breaking point of how much crap I was going to take. I had to re-read my journal because I was actually having regrets! I could slap myself. I also think about him with someone else, it doesn't make me as nuts as it used to, so it will get better but will take a long time. For me I think it will take years to get over all the harm he has caused me. Outside of what I believe are other ladies in waiting he has, it was mostly his abandonment of me that hurt the most. I will never get over or understand how he could just shut me out after our time together. Enjoy your vacation and try not to let the thoughts seep in, though I should practice what I preach.

I too am slowly going through the pain of getting over N. After years of trying and breaking NC, he left me two days after he found out i had to have surgery and I have stuck to NC for 6 weeks, despite his attempts to communicate. It is Not Easy but sites like Lisa's help me as does the thought that while he may not 'feel' anything, he does feel loss of power and control..and by YOU not reaching out, he loses both. So stick to it. And celebrate YOU in mexico!

get someone you can trust and talk to them. Call them when you feel intense anxiety about N. Don't feel like you can't be angry or have to hold it all in. Journal. Educate yourself on the disorder even more (you'll know when you need time away from this.) Feel as though you deserve this trip. Don't know if you're a Bible person but if you are read Psalm 109. nolongercontrolled

Heyyyy! Congratulations on 3 weeks NC, I am so proud of you!!! And I'm happy to hear you are getting away for a bit, you certainly deserve it. I hope you're able to have some peace without obsessing to much about what's-his-name. This stuff takes time and work. You've already done a lot just by ignoring him. Everytime you think of him, do something to distract yourself...go for a nice walk on the beach, collect shells, start up a conversation with someone, lay in the sun and read a good book. Enjoy being with YOU, take in all the surrounding scenery, smells, sounds...relax and have a great time.

HOW: - time, a lot of it... months of it (took me about 26 months for the thoughts to stop) - no contact - therapy - twice a week if I needed it - medication short term if you need it I used this about 2 years in: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/hypnosis-for-repairing-the-aftermath-of-pathological-love-relationships ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily "Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone

Whatever, I am three months out and I still ruminate about him constantly. Even with the breakup of a "normal" relationship, the one who is left will go over it and over it in their mind - it is horrible, but normal and necessary to get over it. I therefore can only tell you about the first N in my life - I was totally obsessed for a very long time and I never thought I would get over it - but I guess what happens in the end is that your mind just gets tired of going over the same old ground. I remember waking up one morning -and this was months and months later - not weeks, and I was just glad to be alive - it was a lovely feeling. It has been many years since the first N and I were together, but I saw him a few weeks ago and I really, truly, and honestly wondered what I had ever seen in him - he just looked a sad lost soul, and he is the one who has ended up with nothing - or if he has, it doesn't look as though it has made him happier. I remember seeing him one day with another woman and I was so upset I could not talk, so I can well understand your comment about feeling ill because I did too, but it will pass. I am just glad that the last N lives a long way away and I don't have to see him (but I still think about him). I do think we "see" things in these people that make them attractive to us - I looked at the first N and could not believe I had ever obsessed about him. So, yes your feelings will pass, but it will take time. If you keep away from him and look back at say Christmas, you will see how far you have come, but he will still crop up in your thoughts from time to time. I hope you have a great vacation. Rosy