How do you handle the anxiety?

12 posts / 0 new

#1 Jun 25 - 7AM

suzanne

How do you handle the anxiety?

Really, 24/7. I wake up with a racing heart and it feels like my adrenaline flow will not shut off. I have no appetite, it feels like my insides are buzzing.

I think it's anxiety, how do you handle it, I have it even when he walks out the door to go to work...it just lives in me. If my body and mind ever relax, I think I will completely collapse.

Any advice? My God, this is crazy.

#2 Jun 25 - 4PM

quietude (not verified)

suzanne

I had some major anxiety when mine first left. It landed me in the hospital - an anxiety attack - I felt like I was having a heart attack or something. I saw a therapist for a short time and took some anxiety meds. It seems to be under control now with a little here and there...I hope! I think it's something most of us go through in one form or another. I can't sleep in total darkness anymore. I have a touch of social phobia. Also, I've never had high blood pressure until this last year. Relaxation techniques and him being OUT OF THE PICTURE for 4 months have really helped. It's important to stop, listen to our bodies, take good care of ourselves, and recognize that our ex's put us through so much, it's going to take time to heal.

#3 Jun 25 - 3PM

suzanne

BARBARA

God bless you for your angel wings as you flutter around here and console...Thank you. I guess I don't want to admit it. Today, I have been vomiting, this must stop.

#4 Jun 25 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

cynthia (not verified)

I like your advise from reading

I am new and I have yet to tell my story, maybe in time but for now just know I suffered greatly, as all of you have. Do you ever go somewhere where there are crowds of people and do you ever wonder if anyone else in the room experienced what you went thru, or what we all went thru? Sometimes I find myself doing that, sometimes I think God if they only knew. I see people around me hugging their children, showing love in some way or another and I think to myself I used to love like that until someone damaged me and I want to feel that way again, I was sooo betrayed conned and swindled, I gave my heart and soul to someone who NEVER for one moment loved me back. Its taken me almost two years to get this far, here is something that has helped me, as far as I am concerned I was watching an actor on stage and I was his leading lady(for awhile) We are all fasinated with movies, hollywood actors and we think, As we watch the movie, we may think WOW is HE good looking, wouldnt it be nice to be loved like that and treated like that and what a great guy, but we all know its just a movie and in real life none of the actors are probably even close to the part they are playing. I believe I was just playing a part in a movie he created for me, he was wealthy, handsome, smart, charming, and bla bla bla yes I saw some cracks before the mask came off but just thought oh well nobody is perfect. It was ALL an act every intimate moment, everything he said, but I thought it was real and sincere and I played the part for him very well I am sure. I dont know your story but you have good words of wisdom, oh ya vomiting, cried so hard I would vomit and couldnt breathe must have been why I lost 30 pounds but that was a year ago, I am almost there but I still wonder why i had to experience this shit it took so much out of my life and I hope one day I will truly be a better person for it. Take care and yes I do believe that God will help our healing and release our pain

#5 Jun 25 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

grossot

cynthia

"I believe I was just playing a part in a movie he created for me." Wow! You hit the nail on the head! At least for me. Must be why they get so angry when things don't go according to "script". Thank you for wording it like that! Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#6 Jun 25 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

Debra (not verified)

Cynthia

I know just how you felt about playing a role in someone else's script. That would happen on numerous occasions. One time we were watching a movie together and I looked at him and he was mirroring the expressions of the actor. ( it was a love story-- "the Notebook") I remember thinking at the time it seemed like he was playing various roles and he expected me to play mine as well. So sorry your N made you so sick. Mine gave me a serious digestive illness. Sometimes I would take a xanax to calm down, but then, thankfully I went to hypnotherapy and acupuncture which I highly recommend as a way to treat anxiety. It got so bad for me sometimes I would be in the middle of a store in NYC, my cell would ring, it would be him and while I was talking to him I would start to feel like I was not inside my body. Very scary! I'm glad to hear you are on your road to recovery and know you will be a stronger person, I hope I will too someday. Sticking to absolute NC is first step for me.

#7 Jun 25 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

suzanne

don't feel bad - I was in the E.R. 3 times after Psycho-Boy for non-stop vomitting. I am still on meds to try to heal the damage to my esophagus - 5 years later. This is just about the LAST 2 pathologicals. (I didn't include my narcMother and the other narcs I knew & dated...) http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/16/barbaras-story I am also on Zoloft. I fought taking it but now I am sorry I didn't get on it sooner. That and counseling did help me.I thought I could "deal with it" on my own with strength & prayer. WRONG. God's way of helping me was me getting so sick I had to seek help. You body knows better than your brain & heart. Believe me. I also got Sandra Brown's hypnosis CD. It was worth the money. If you haven't read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS get the book - ASAP. And get away from that man ASAP!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#8 Jun 25 - 10AM

Barbara (not verified)

suzanne

this is PTSD!! make no mistake - Narcs leave you with PTSD. Read up on PTSD. 1. make an appointment to speak to a counselor ASAP start here: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/counseling-ctr/find-a-therapist 2. get LOW DOSE medication. Lexapro, Zoloft, Celexa. LOW DOSE. 3. get away from him ASAP!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#9 Jun 25 - 7AM

finallydone

I understand

That's a tough one to answer, although Barbara usually has some good advice. My experience is so recently ending and I still have to get through July 1st to see if he shows up for closing on the refinance of MY house. I've only had a few messages from him and they've been sympathetic and friendly for the most part.... although... I always wonder what's to come.... which leads me to responding to this. I felt on guard and anxious all the time. Adreneline is a state of never letting down. I understand. It seems that after awhile I didn't even realize I was always in a state of alert, it just became normal. Except I knew it wasn't if that makes sense. Heart palpitations if I was in a meeting and he tried to call my cell because I knew I couldn't respond right away, heart palpitations and a heaviness in my chest going home at night wondering what I would have to deal with or not... heart palpitations if he woke up too early before I could get out the door for work because I knew there was some "problem" with me or somebody else that he would want to "discuss" and then get mad at me for trying to get ready for work on time. And now that he got everything out of the house except a few things here and there in the garage... I feel like I'm letting down a little bit each day. Breathing, reminding myself not to be sad and lonely because the good news is nobody will yell at me in my own home today. Taking my dog on walks. But I have to tell you that I do feel like collapsing. I'm really tired all the time and then have nightmares every single night. I'm starting to think it really is PTSD. I'm thinking Barbara could be right but I just didn't think that would happen to me. I wish I had more advice on this for you. I'm not there yet myself. But I did want you to know that I understand and that what you're feeling seems to be completely normal considering what you're probably dealing with (I don't know you're circumstances, but they all seem to follow similar patterns) and I'm happy to share and talk with you when you need it. I am at work during the day, but I check this site regularly from my office and then at night. It helps keep me sane and moving forward. I don't think I've ever found anything in life that has helped me with this situation more than this site. And try to listen to the BlogTalk Radio tonight. Lisa is fantastic and lately Elena and Barbara have joined. It is amazing how much understanding, support and just plain validation that you will receive from complete strangers. They are truly wonderful people and I think I will be reading this site and listening for a long time to come. Please take a deep breath and just keep talking to us. Sandy

#10 Jun 25 - 10AM (Reply to #2)

Barbara (not verified)

finallydone

I'm starting to think it really is PTSD. I'm thinking Barbara could be right but I just didn't think that would happen to me. ahem - It's PTSD. you didn't think that would happen to you? And I bet you didn't think you'd end up with a PATHOLOGICAL MAN either! *********** Women spend more time on a Glamor Shots picture of themselves for a dating site then learning how strong boundaries can protect them. Women who are attracted to the bad boys don't need the book 'How to Attract' -- she's already doing it. But how can she get rid of the predator she DID attract? (Read our book 'Women Who Love Psychopaths). While you definitely need insight about your own super-traits that have positioned you in the line of fire with a psychopath, you also need most the ability to reconnect with your internal safety signal. Everything in the world we can teach you will not keep you safe if you ignore your body. Our cognitive information can not save you the way your body can. That's the bottom line. This is something you have to do for yourself. This issue of real fear -vs- mere anxiety is of utmost importance. It has really struck me this week that we may have missed something in our discussion about PTSD and it's relationship to fight/flight reactions. Gavin deBecker helps us to see that fear happens in the moment -- it's an entire body sensation -- the flash of fear followed by the intense adrenaline and fight or flight. The intensity of the body reactions usually COMPELS people into fight//flight. Listen. Your body is smarter than your brain. - Sandra Brown, MA http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/07/ptsd-as-trauma-disorder-not-psychiatric.html http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/03/when-your-symptoms-look-like-something.html http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/04/gift-of-fear-curse-of-anxiety.html http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/04/gift-of-fear-curse-of-anxiety-ii.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#11 Jun 25 - 11AM (Reply to #3)

finallydone

Sure didn't

Actually I sure didn't think it would happen to me and I sure didn't think I would end up with a pathological man. Which is why when I started reading about this stuff 4 years ago, it was to convince myself that these descriptions DIDN'T fit him. You know that routine I'm sure. :) As it sunk in... so did the escalating confusion as I tried very hard to stay in denial. But Barbara, you did make me smile very big when you said, "ahem, it's PTSD". I could almost hear you. I do have a question though. What is Sandra Brown referring to with this comment, "While you definitely need insight about your own super-traits that have positioned you in the line of fire with a psychopath" Does she describe these traits somewhere? I ordered the WWLP book and maybe that's where she discusses this. I just haven't received it yet. Thanks Barbara and

#12 Jun 25 - 1PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

finallydone

WWLP will give you the answer to that question. when you read the book - let me know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

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