1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. How Do You Prepare For The Eventual Chance Meeting?

How Do You Prepare For The Eventual Chance Meeting?

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Apr 2 - 8PM
MandyM
MandyM's picture

How Do You Prepare For The Eventual Chance Meeting?

I'm pleased to report that I'm doing really well. :-) Especially because it kind of snuck up on me that I was doing really well. I'm indifferent toward him now. All the love I had for him is gone. I don't think about him nearly as much. I have my bad spells, but they're the exception rather than the rule these days, finally.

I had a moment tonight when I came across an event I almost attended this weekend but didn't - luckily, as it turned out. In perusing the information on FB awhile ago, I saw that the floozy my ex took up with after me had apparently attended it. He and I still share many mutual friends, and the floozy is friends with a lot of them as well. I never liked her even way back when, and I definitely don't like her now. I'm so glad I decided not to go - I would've been completely unprepared to run into her, even if she was there alone.

Sooner or later, all the principles in this are going to cross paths. It's been in the back of my mind all along, but with summer coming, it seems like it's going to happen before I even know how I'll deal with it. Seeing him? Seeing her, even though I suspect they're done? I have absolutely no idea what I'd do. I don't want to see him. I sure as hell don't want to see her. I don't want to see anyone who might make any sort of reference to him whatsoever, because I'd be so uncomfortable they'd certainly be tipped off that there had been something between us and it didn't end mutually. At the same time, conscious avoidance of those people and situations only goes so far - I can't predict everything. Had I gone to this weekend's event, I'd had no idea the floozy was planning to be there, too.

How do I prepare for the day it happens?

Apr 3 - 12PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Ive seen him many times and

Ive seen him many times and ignored him coldly..he tries to talk small talk but I walk right pass him and keep it moving..the only way is to ignore them..i mean totaly as if hes not there at all...become a real good actress for a moment..just until you dont see him anymore and the actring becomes natural

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Apr 3 - 12PM
narcissizednomore
narcissizednomore's picture

No 'hi' needed

I am preparing for the inevitable day too when I will bump into him. I don't think I'll even say hi as some of the others have suggested below. I'd rather pretend he doesn't exist. Why smile and say hi to someone who is an abuser? That would be sending a message that he's ok, and I'm ok with him and everything he has done is ok and forgiven. And it's not.

narcissizednomore

Apr 3 - 6AM
JRB123
JRB123's picture

Professional Distance!

I have to see mine every week. I generally try and avoid him and keep well out of the way. If we do happen to come face to face I will give a polite smile, maybe say ' hello' 'Hi' or 'Alright' then quickly look away and move away as fast as I can. I was chatting to a mutual friend and the N came over and smiled and I politely smiled then said 'Better go' and got away as quick as I could. The worst was when I made up my mind to go NC and unfriended him off FB and I saw him the very next day in town. Talk about awkward, but I still managed a polite hello. Best to try not to engage and keep distance otherwise I fear they will suck you back in again! It's almost like being an actress! Good luck. Let's hope you don't see him too much!
Apr 3 - 5AM
dudette
dudette's picture

firstly, I try for that not to happen

By managing my environment and trying to avoid it all together Call it cowardice on my part, I call it NC, control and not having my head space and physical space invaded.... In case the unavoidable happens, I will do as suggested below and avoid conversation at all costs.... I have sunglasses and an Ipod in my bag... I can cut both eye and hear contact at a moment's notice... I could rant and rave at him and look like the obsessed one but I choose not to. Since mine is a coward extraordinaire, he would only give me the ST and stone face anyway.....
Apr 3 - 5AM (Reply to #4)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

That's not cowardice, that's

That's not cowardice, that's knowing your own limitations, which is a good thing.
Apr 2 - 9PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Being like Conan...

O'Brien that is, be ready with a snappy, snarky, witty and perfectly humiliating retort. Why? Because IT WORKS!!!! When I knew the ex-Psych prof in the flesh, if I mocked him, or if he *thought* I was mocking him (he was profoundly paranoid)... he'd turn tail. He would literally find a reason to run away. As activist Saul Alinsky famously said, humor is the ONLY weapon against which man cannot defend himself. So I'd used the tried&true routines, pull up a stool, a mike, and have the laugh track cued- 1)Compare him to little kids, particularly my nephew. It is a God-given coincidence that my brother in-law and the ex-P's father HAVE THE SAME NAME, BOTH went to Harvard, the ex-P and my nephew have the beautiful Bay State in common. 2)Point out his weight and rotting teeth. Mention that Colin Firth is 3 years and 4 days older than him, and happens to LOOK MARVELOUS. Pull out copy of "King's Speech" if handy and give him a set of kleenex to um, do his business. Remind him that Colin, because he is a GREAT actor, won the statue of a nude golden man. 3)Remind him kindly of the masturbation habit he brought up. Give him shirtless pics of Matthew Morrison (who stars as a narcissistic teacher on GLEE), Colin Firth, and give him some of my feminine pads in case he wets himself just looking at them. 4)Remind him of how he used to tout himself as a philosopher, philosopher of religion, and Augustine expert. Innocently ask how I ruined those subjects for him. Ask how I can ruin "War and Peace" at some future date. Better yet, tell him I've READ it. 5)Since his father IS much smarter than him, hand him one of those cheap paternity test kits you can get at the pharmacy. Tell him to PLEASE use it. Because honestly, they don't LOOK related. Say "You know, baby switches happen in the movies ALL THE TIME." 6)Must NOT forget the "I love drag queens" bumper sticker. I got to know his vulnerabilities well. He'd probably think I was playing with his feelings to get my jollies- oh well, I do not mind being jolly. Not one bit. I'd be laughing... and like Conan, I'd joy in the "lamentations of the women"--as in him, since he's effeminate.
Apr 2 - 9PM
apple
apple's picture

Hmmm...

Smile say hi and get the heck away from him. If you keep your composure and act completly unaffected by seeing him... I think that would be the all around best scenario. xoxo